What would make you change school?

[Imnotsureyet]

I’m struggling a bit as DS 8 relayed to me another incident that happened at school and I feel punched in the gut.

He’s in year 4 and it feels like constant issues for my lovely little chap who is a little shy and in the nerdy side. There are behavioural problems in class, friendship issues, low level bullying, slow diagnosis of his dyslexia (albeit relatively mild but certainly impactful), high teacher turn over.

I want to pull him out but there’s always risk that the issues aren’t better at other schools. No-one can take the decision for me but I’d like to hear experiences of whether people moved their children in similar circumstances or if they didn’t and regretted it. I’m just so torn and can’t sleep so thought I’d write it down.

Did the incident involve him or was he an observer?

Is it a two tier system?
If so What are your choices when it comes to secondary school? It will come round d all too quickly.

I moved my daughter at the end of year 4 due to general class bullying.

She is now in year 6 and is like a different child. Much happier and goes in and more importantly, comes out happy.

It's made all the difference to the whole family really as everything just got easier. I didn't realise just how much class problems were getting to her. I wish I'd moved her earlier.

Thank you both for commenting.

@sleepingbuddha thats good to hear. Do I mind how you chose the new school? Eg how could you tell there wouldn’t be similar issues at the new school?

@NoFlashingLightsPlease The incident involved him - he was hit in the face by another child in the playground and he said the headteacher and another teacher intervened.

I don’t understand what a two tier system is @NoFlashingLightsPlease can you explain? We will likely chose a private school for secondary and I imagine there will be a mix of destinations from this school.

@Imnotsureyet to be honest we didn't know if the new school would be any better but we knew she couldn't feel any worse. I found the smallest school (just out of my area) and luckily it has worked out. She was very wary throughout most of year 5 whilst adjusting and learning to not be fearful all of the time but since then she has flourished and is back to being a happy and positive child.

When my dd was small I took advantage of her dislike of a teacher to move her to a school that was closer to us, but moved her back when she started to boast that she was the best fighter in the school. By that time, the teacher she disliked was gone.

Then we moved my dgd from a school because we weren't happy with the level of education, but she ended up being terribly bullied in the school we sent her to, so again we ended up sending her back to the first school, where all her friends were thrilled to have her back.

We could have tried a third school but I was worried about how she would be affected if, by sheer bad luck, she ended up being bullied again.

Speaking as somebody who was bullied at school. Move him before it impacts on his mental health.

@Imnotsureyet If you’re choosing which independent secondary to apply to I guess my question about 2 tier is irrelevant.

I was thinking if he was in the primary then secondary system rather than 3 tier (first, middle then high school) you would be changing schools in 2 years time and it wouldn’t be a good idea to go to a school out of the catchment area of the secondary you most wanted.

It is so very hard to make the decision because you want them to gain resilience and develop strategies to get through or cope with tricky situations. And the last thing you want is for them to absorb the idea that mummy will swoop in and solve everything.

Having said that, if he is being hit in the face it’s no longer low-level bullying. What did the teachers who witnessed it say?

The high teacher turnover you mentioned in your OP would worry me greatly. If morale is low it won’t be good quality environment for anyone in there, child or adult.

Are you allowed to visit the schools you’re thinking of swapping him to? And ask them what strategies they have to deal with bullying. Also be on the lookout for how many kids there are like him in the new school, so that he can hopefully find his tribe. Or conversely as @sleepingbuddha said, can you find a small school where teachers will know the children well.

I’m so sorry your son was hit in the head. That is a biggie. I can see why you couldn’t sleep.
x

I really appreciate everyone’s support and advice. I’ve contacted the LA to explore in year applications and I’ll take it from there. Thank you

@Imnotsureyet
It's a sad fact that there are unruly Dc everywhere. Is he ok leaving his friends if you change school? Was the Dc who was involved get dealt with appropriately and did the teacher speak to you about the incident? The teacher snd slt should be ensuring Dc are better behaved and all children are safe at school . What have they done about bullying and the friendship issues? If nothing, then do look for another school if DS is unhappy.

i think you have been a bit unlucky with boys. More falling out with girls I think. You, presumably, know what other schools are like so hopefully a good school will have a space.

Was there bullying surrounding the hit to the face?

Is he happy? Does he like school? Does he have friends?

We moved DS at the end of year 3 after a similar sounding year - he was physically assaulted - there was a child in the school physically assaulting a few of the boys - the school couldn't control him. Lots of low level bullying going on not dealt with. Kids just being really horrible to each other all the time... He absolutely hated it.

We moved him to a private primary at the start of year 4 and it was the best thing we ever did for him. Within weeks he was doing really well academically (previous school said he was struggling) and he has benefitted massively from the better behaviour expectations in the class. I think all the schools are different doesn't necessarily have to be private but there are better schools out there, I'd move him.

Sending you hugs as I can only imagine how hard this must be. I think you've done the right thing in contacting the LA. Find out the available schools and if any are suitable I would involve your son in the decision too if you can.