Don't like the school

[Potaytoes5]

Hi there
I appreciate any advice. DC5 is currently in Reception at our local school. It's within walking distance and it didn't seem to bad, Ofsted is good. Heard mixed opinions from other parents but after visiting we thought it was OK. I also visited some other schools I liked better but they were all a car drive away.

I don't think it's great tbh. DC seems to like it well enough but there are constant issues. It's all small things but it's very frustrating to me as a parent. It's anything from them sending the wrong forms, messing up the lunch orders for several weeks in one go, miscommunicating date for parents' evening so half the parents didn't attend. The most frustrating event was cancelling the nativity as there were some cases of strep A in the year. Thing is, nothing else was done, school was still open as normal and all other years got to have their plays. They didn't even do one at school and record it for parents. Nothing. Just cancelled. I know it's a small thing but DC was heartbroken.

I also thought we'd get some sort of better communication with the teacher, to whom I spoke maybe twice. It feels a bit like I'm sending DC away each day to that mysterious building for most of the day and I don't even have a clue what's happening to them. We get updates online maybe once a month.

AIBU to be a bit disappointed or is this normal? I was hoping for a nice introduction to school and I'm left a bit deflated by the whole experience. We're hoping to move to the other side of town soon so I'm thinking about moving schools then, but I kind of wish we just tried to get DC to a different school in the first place.

I think your experience is fairly typical, though not universal for state schools? Fairly representative of our experience when we started. Since moved to private. Some are slightly better at communicating, but I don’t think it is common to have much interaction with teachers. Is your dc happy and learning? That’s the most important thing

It sounds like you think school has been a disappointing experience for you...

The key question should be
Is your child settled and happy?

nativity cancelled due to illness - One of those things. You sound devastated rather than your dc.
Wrong forms / date for something - again, people make mistakes
Updates - do you want the teacher to spend time planning and teaching your child or updating you? This is reception. What kind of update do you want?

Thank you. Just wondering if that's normal. Glad to see it's not as unusual as all other parents with reception children that I know seem to be more informed on what's happening and also more involved. School is v large hence maybe the different feel to it. DC seems happy enough right now although complains of naughty children pushing them around a bit. I told them to tell the teacher when it happens.

DC spend weeks rehearsing for nativity and was upset when it was cancelled. I don't think it's unusual to be a bit miffed about it as a parent too!

I agree with @cansu

I am also aware that quite a few parents, when their child moves to school as one of 30 in a class, all leaving at the same time, misses the daily handovers or chats they have been used to from the child's Nursery, where there are only 8 children or less per KW and very often the children will be being collected at different times.
This is school though.
Did you not have a Parents' Evening in the Autumn ?

Yes there was one parents evening but that's pretty much all the contact I had with the teacher. She's nice and all was fine but it was a while back. Can't get any reliable information from my child... there are 90 kids in the year and it does feel v different from the nursery!

Can sometimes be a shock for parents with the lack of communication in YR compared to nursery.

One of our local schools cancelled the nativity last term due to illness although they did it this term when they got back after the holiday

Several parents asked about nativity being done later but we got no response so there's that I guess. It does feel like our school cares much less than my friends' schools.. don't know if its due to the size.

@toomuchlaundry love your username :)

The amount of contact with the teacher is normal. It does feel odd but schools only really flag the issues outside of parents evening. Our school also has a reading diary with brief comments on that.

The nativity is disappointing. My DD is year 2 and so there have been a few cancellations of things along the way. Was the whole year group doing it? It may have been to prevent mixing between classes or just to reduce the adults coming in to school. Whilst videoing sounds like a good option, it did throw up other issues in terms of time to film and edit and safeguarding in terms of videos being shared.

Nativity was split between all3 classes so it wouldn't increase the mixing between the children... but even so I wouldn't matter as the kids have free flow classroom so mix all the time anyway! That was still happening despite the infections. Almost feels like they welcomed it because its less effort. I also overheard the teachers say how big the school is and things they can't do because of it, limited numbers for school discos etc. I don't know. DC seems OK but I almost can't wait for us to move so they can goto a smaller school..I appreciate all schools have some issues but it just looks to me like they can't handle the size.

It sounds really normal to be honest. Its a real shock after a nursery with high ratios.

Imo school is a huge let down. Not because of whether its good or bad but more in the sense that its just bigged up as this huge major land mark wotg parents amd children expecting all these amazing things and it can't possibly live up to expectations. You do have to manage your expectations somewhat.

I would recommend changing to a smaller school if you can. I agree that's pretty rubbish re your child's first nativity. They could have made more effort but I suspect because it's a large school it's much harder.

DC seems OK but I almost can't wait for us to move so they can go to a smaller school

I think this is a bit of the old grass is greener. You're hoping the new school will be better, but that's not always the case. You will still have limited contact with the teacher and admin problems or cancellations of events can happen at any school. I would also be cautious about a school with space in reception, especially if it's smaller.

We're unlikely to move before DC starts year 1 anyway. Not sure what I'm after, I guess some reassurance.
I know the ol' 'grass is greener' but I think you have to admit some schools are better than others?! Otherwise this forum wouldn't exist!

Bigger schools was supposed to be more going on, so far mums with older DC told me they have 30 spaces for all the events so you have to book things fast.

There are two schools that had some spaces in the area we'll be moving to, one being a 2 form entry which I hope I'll like when I visit.

The communication sounds pretty bad, but not that unusual. As others have said, there’s 30 kids so not much individual time with parents.

It sounds like you’ve got either a very busy teacher being left in charge of communication or the school has an overworked admin team. It’s really not good if they can’t organise a parents evening - it happens multiple times a year!

I’d ask for a bit of time with the teacher (phone or in person) in place of the parents evening you missed.

While the communication to parents isn’t ideal at my son’s school, having spoken with the teachers I’m super happy for him to be at the school and just accept the frustrations with communication. We’ve got the class WhatsApp group where it’s agreed if you get any type of notice from the school you post it so we all know (no rhyme or reason as to why some kids don’t get letters, some parents chat more to teachers, some seem to have buggy apps…) so we’re all in it together!

@RachelSq I think you are right it's a combination of bad admin/overworked teacher. FWIW I don't think the school itself is bad but there seems to be a strong vibe of 'let's get it over with'- it doesn't compare well to a school 1.5 miles away, that had well communicated parents' evenings plus a couple of extra optional events for parents to make sure kids settle in well / parents know the curriculum! Our school didn't even have a lot of settling in to start with, just one settle in day then right into the full time.... luckily my DC was ok but lots of others kids really struggled.

My kids went to one form entry Church priamry schools, 2 different primaries though.

In both, communication was/is fantastic. In reception, in both schools, they had a day where parents could come in during the morning to "stay and play". We met the teachers and TAs too.

They have an activity after school once a term that parents and children are invited to (eg a stargazing evening or charity event drop ins)

Lots of communication via the newsletter.

I have always done the school drop offs and pick ups too...I do feel that this helps to feel a connection to the school that working parents may not have. If you can arrange to pick up a day or so a week, you may feel more able to feel connected to school.

I found secondary school to be very different...one termly newsletter and that's it!

I don’t mind (so much) some of the lack of communication, but if we were missing important events because of it that would cross the line.

In our case, the settling in events etc happened but the comms wasn’t really great at all about it. Our main issue is with the amount of cash floating around for clubs/trips which quite often seems to not end up at the right place (but there’s no electronic system to pay or option to drop off at the office).

I just wish the school would understand that if they managed to get a coherent and complete letter out they’d avoid the wasted time of loads of parents individually querying things - and they’d have a great template for the next repeat of the event!

Schools don't seem to be great at communication generally, though ours tends to be short notice rather than actually wrong (though there has been the occasional correction along the way).
The amount of communication seems normal, the teacher will call you over at pick-up (if you're there) if there's an issue, otherwise nothing apart from parents evening. DS is now in year 6 and think I've been called over about 3 times in the seven years he's been there. I do get weekly updates for DD but that's only because she has SEN.

@Dacadactyl this sounds much nicer than DC's school. I appreciate we chose a big primary but I thought they would have some more contact with the parents. I do both drop offs and pick ups and I am not shy so chat to other parents, hence I know what happens in the older years as well. It's just all a bit meh. Would much prefer DC to go to a school like your children went to.

2 parents evenings a year is the norm unless there's a specific reason the teacher needs to speak to you, it's a shame about the nativity but they put health first. I'm not really sure what you expect?

It all sounds normal to me

DD4 is in reception. She attends a two form entry.

I don't have an awful lot of contact with the teacher and in all honesty unless there were any problems with DD I wouldn't expect any. Our school uses Dojo and I have sent a few messages to the teacher on there when I've had concerns about something and she is very responsive and will always reply. Have you got something similar?

We also get weekly photo updates as well on there, which I love getting as I like to see what DD is getting up to during the school week.

I think you could potentially build another school up as being better - they will all have their shortcomings. From my NCT group, we are all at 4 different schools and just from the WhatsApp group you can see how some schools are not so good at communicating, but may be better in other areas. Our school is the better communicator, but another school has more extra curricular activities on offer.

I too would be wary of moving to a one form entry school that has spaces. That would be a red flag for me. If your DC is happy and learning then surely that is the most important thing?

Yes DC is happy learning, not that I can tell what they're teaching much! DC is not a reliable source of information, unfortunately.
School has online platform to share photos, but I could only dream of weekly updates, There have been about 3-4 photos total, in 5 months' time.
I guess it doesn't matter as much as DC seems ok, it's extremely likely we'll have to move school soon anyway when moving house as there are simply no houses fulfilling our needs nearby. Thank you all for sharing your experiences, I'm glad it's not so abnormal.