Disengaged 4 year old; concerns.

[boygirlmom]

M y DS is in Reception and was previously at a pre prep's nursery which he loved and did not want to leave. For financial reasons we couldn't continue on with that though.

So he has started at the local state school and seems to be really struggling to progress with his reading and writing. Parents were invited into his school yesterday to look at their children's work and his folder was practically empty compared to the other 29 kids in his class.

I asked the teacher how he was getting on and she said he's still really disengaged and doesn't seem interested at all whereas the other children still manage some level of engagement. She said it was unusual.

I do notice this myself when it comes to his reading homework, he just doesn't seem interested in phonics books or trying to blend and decide but he loves me to read him stories , and is always getting his books out for me to read.

In addition he knows all his phonics sounds and numbers and has a good grasp of mathematical concepts already. But he hasn't picked a hand to write with yet , can barely write his name, and really struggles to decode and blend his words.

His teacher suggested an adhd assessment but those take years and I am concerned overall he will fall behind. Even with an adhd assessment he would be mild and the teacher confirmed they wouldn't necessarily get SEND support or anything extra. I'm also wondering if dyslexia is at play here?

Also , he does miss his previous setting and still talks about it all the time. I'd love to send him back as he did seem to progress well there in a smaller class but we just can't afford the fees.

He will be 5 in May.

I wondered if anyone else had this issue with their DC and how they approached it. What support mechanisms did you put in place?

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks for reading.

I’d be asking the teacher what more you could be doing at home to help him. Not all kids get on with phonics anyway, so I’d be tempted to get some reading scheme books for home, and just start reading through with him pointing out the words.

Is the teacher happy with “he’s just disengaged” as a reason- what are they doing to help him become more engaged?

The teacher sounds awful - who describes a 4 year old as ‘disengaged’? And an adhd assessment at that age?

4 is really young. Not all kids are ready for reading at that age. Mine also have may birthdays, and one was just starting to engage with reading at the start of reception, while the other didn’t start to really engage in reading until almost the summer. The one who started earlier is a little bit ahead, but not by much (y1 now).

echoing @Zapx to get some books for the home - songbirds is a really good series with a progression that seems to mirror how phonics are taught, and are readily available on Amazon. With my slower one, she initially preferred reading the same 1-2 books over and over again - books she knew well and built her confidence that she was a reader. With her I find pushing is counterproductive, the only thing I insist on is reading happens every night. The pace has been glacial for months at a time, but then there’s a breakthrough and she leaps ahead in a matter of a couple weeks.

I know it is hard, but at this age you have to be patient. I don’t think they are able to do either a dyslexia or adhd screening at such a young age anyways.

Honestly at 4 my DS just wasn't interested in reading and lacked the physical dexterity to write. The school told me this wasn't unusual, but I kept trying different things to engage him, with no success. Anyway, a year later he suddenly picked it all up and although his writing could be better he is an excellent reader (still doesn't love to read though).

Basically 4 is very young, so if everything else seems normal I wouldn't worry yet.

Thank for your replies. This is very helpful.

I do have the songbirds books at home and he shows a lot of interest on them but for some reason hasn't managed to connect the dots yet and start decoding.

The general disengagement with school I'm hoping is just a maturity thing but was slightly another yes the teacher said he's the only one so that is really good point about asking them what they are doing to engage him too.

Fingers crossed his time will come. Thank you for taking the time to post and offer your reassurance. Much appreciated.

If you want to do more things at home then I'd recommend doing fun little games to support phonics decoding, spotting digraphs, blending. Have a look at these on Facebook / Instagram, phonics family, five minute mum, playfullearninggames, myteachermummyandme, mumsschooloffun.

Writing comes from hand strength, I don't think it's unusual to not have this at 4yo. My son is 5.5 yr1 and just starting to improve. Things like cutting and sticking, sticker books, play dough can help. Dough discos are good.

Maybe he doesn’t feel ready - even though others know he can do it.

I could’ve written this a few years ago about one of my children. He had been quite poorly and just didn’t seem to catch up through EYFS…. Some of the conversations with his teacher hurt my heart as it felt as if they’d already slapped a label on him.

He is now in Y2 and we are starting to see some real progress, particularly with reading and writing and has lots of lovely friends. He’s also now hitting all targets.

I think some children are just more ready than others for school and it’s not always clear why. For example my youngest has just started EYFS and already seems to get what’s expected of him far more than my other son but we haven’t done anything different. I’d say four (and only one term in!) is very early to be describing a child as disengaged and I’m sorry you’ve had to have such a hard conversation so early on.

In terms of supporting him I’d really recommend five minute mum for activities that are more ‘fun’ than just reading or writing and get the scissors out as they are so good for encouraging hand dominance and strength. It sounds like it’s all there, he’s just not established yet and that may take some time.