North London - Move from y4 state into private for y5

[viio]

Hi

I am desperately seeing to move my children from state school (which was good on some levels until now) to a private school in north London.

My DS who has some sen needs (processing) has been continuously bullied and picked and as a result has no friends. He is terribly lonely and stigmatised. We have complained and spoken to school but they have not implemented much, and what they did implement was half hearted attempt which further stigmatises ds. He is actually quite bright and is of high ability (according to Ed psy who assessed him). But he is not thriving as he has no support. My other child too whilst being quite clever doesn’t get stretched as the school has its own issues such as lack of good teachers, lack of resources and very inexperienced staff. I feel like I am are failing my children. We are desperate now to go private and give them what they need a good school that will nurture their strengths and help them reach their potential. My children themselves are driven and want to do well so I don’t want a school to kill that joy they get out of learning if they are keen.

Any good nurturing north London schools that you would recommend?

I have looked a number of them but so far The Academy in Hampstead look like it’s best offers academic stretch as well as sen support and nice kids parents? I could be wrong tho?

A lot has changed as a result of the pandemic so asking current parents for best schools.

thank you so much

Presumably you have a formal diagnosis/reports for his needs? My kids are both at academic N London schools, both have some learning needs and the schools have been very supportive. Get yourself on the occasional place list for every school you might be interested in then it's a matter of waiting for a call if they have space.

We have psy ed report which assessed him and his needs. Where he lacks in certain ability he makes up in another ability which eventually will be equalised but he does struggle as constant picking and bullying has totally shattered his confidence. We are of course doing all we can do help with that, but being at school 5 days per week ruins (almost) all our work and support. Will try to speak to schools but just trying to see what others say. I guess moving them to some private schools may be impossible to to intake at only 7y and 11y but I am sure that there may be other schools that will take them.

Both my kids have had new children arrive every year, so I wouldn't lose hope - get on all the occasional place lists. good luck!

I don't have any knowledge of North London schools but just to say I think it's really good to be planning to move them now. My DS completed primary school in the state sector and moved to private for y7 but he would have been massively better off if I had managed to move him for y5. Similarly to yours he's neurodiverse with high academic ability and poor social skills. The independent school he is at is a much better environment for him, but as you clearly know, not all private schools are alike. Don't be too hung up on what other parents say is "the best" though - only you know what is best for your own child.

If you are worried about intake you might consider looking at Prep Schools as they will have more flexible intakes - my sister in south london moved her DC into Prep at y4 and said that their school seemed to have new intake in pretty much every year group. Obviously that will mean moving schools again for y9 so if your children would find a further school move difficult then a 4-18 school would be better. In our case, I enquired about a move into the all-through school for y6 and was told they couldn't accept a new pupil in that year, and we had to wait for y7, but they said they had taken in some new pupils in y5 so I was kicking myself for not getting myself in gear sooner!

@FeinCuroxiVooz thank you that’s very helpful. The week doesn’t go by that bullies do not pick on him, it’s exhausting. The school does meet us and promises to do things but bullies are never really punished and as a result keep picking on him.

this is a school that shouts all these buzz words that sound so PC but once you look deep into it I doubt they know what bullying actually means.

I am calling tomorrow schools on my list and will see who has some space and who might have it in the future and what a the chances of moving him and his sibling.

I would like to stay away from schools such as our current school where they are unable to deal with bulling.

Hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel…

Are both your DC boys? If you have a girl and are looking at Hampstead then St Margaret’s is well worth a look for the ethos you are looking for. And if you want co-ed then the “other” (unconnected) St Margaret’s in Bushey, Herts is really lovely. Not sure how far north you want to extend the search, though!

Thank you @Marisquita yes both boys. Bushy might be too far to drive each morning, so ideally would like to stay closer in North London. I have spoken to some schools today but will try again tomorrow and over this week to see who might have some space.

St Margaret’s in Bushey has several north London bus routes which children can use from Y3. I believe Aldenham and St Columba’s College have the same. Mill Hill / Belmont also worth a look.

The benefit of an all through school is that you won’t have any of the stress of moving again at 11, plus the school will know him well by then and appropriate support in place.

@BookwormButNoTime tha k you so much. Wonderful advice and I will speak to them today and see whether that may be a possibility.

the guilt of letting him stay there and them not doing much is really upsetting me. The bullies are kids from nice families but if there is no support from the school and no firm guidance kids will be kids I guess and pick on others as they themselves probably find it tricky and have no support. So yeah totally blame the school!

I really appreciate your advice. It is horrible feeling powerless to stop it right away… x

OP, I have sent you a PM - hope that’s OK.

Great got it.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son, poor thing. Have you ever heard of Heathside School Hampstead? I've heard some rave reviews about how happy the kids are there... have been looking into it myself

They sound like very different boys - are you sure they should be going to the same school? What about at secondary level? The one that needs stretching might be better off at somewhere like Highgate or Habs Boys or Merchant Taylor etc? Whereas for the former it sounds like somewhere less competitive would be right? I know everyone wants their DC in the same school at primary level but I would be thinking ahead to secondary level in ks2.

@TiredAndCaffeinatedMum thabk you so much. No I have not heard but googling now :) that’s really helpful. I will have a look all options and suggestions, after feeling like a failure and letting the school take away his confidence and self esteem I now must try to find the right environment for him.

@Aleaiactaest yes we did consider it but they would ideally like to be together and actually in some ways they are both strong in maths it’s just that one of them is slow in processing words so that holds him a bit back but with the right support he too could be as good as the other twin. We have friends teachers in Highgate so know a bit from them about the school and would not be keen for them to go there due to various issues… not the right environment.

secondary school will be tricky as well but with the right support they will be fine if we get it right for y5 and y6. They do enough extra activities outside of school to make them good all around and most importantly good boys fair, honest, tolerant, kind and compassionate to others - all qualities that I aim to imprint into them and hopefully with all that they will be happy adults. Thank you x

Maybe Habs boys, UCS, Mill Hill? So sad to hear bright kids are not taught and stretched properly in state schools.

@FlawlessSquid yes I am surprised too, however, I am fed up of asking for them to give him more work. What bothers me most is that they are killing his passion for learning. I think it depends on many factors how school has coped with lack of funds and teachers that are leaving, so many left. It’s hard so no blame but of course we would like what is best for our ds.

Totally understand. We had similar experience with our local school, and decided to leave after reception. I think UCS is a well balanced all through school, def worth a try. Good luck for your ds.

@FlawlessSquid yes ucs is a great school we know some that have attended there and are really happy. The problem with ucs and Highgate is that it is very difficult to get into now at this stage. They have their intake at certain times and almost (almost) impossible to get in at other times. However, we are trying other schools in the area that are equally good in many ways with great pastoral care and promote values we are after.

my guess is that there will be quite a bit of movement in schools some will be moving their children to state (due to financial difficulties) and some to private (due to above mentioned difficulties) so we are hoping to find the right school.

Hey - my DS is at the Academy if you wanted to have a chat. Moved from state sector in Y2, with lots of additional needs that had not yet been diagnosed. He is so happy there.

@hemmed1980 thanks so much that would be great.

I've DM'd you @viio

The academy is such a brilliant school. I wish my DD was young enough to go there. I highly recommend it.

We had the most wonderful experience at The Academy School with all 4 of our children. They are each completely different to one another academically and in terms of their personalities.

the school is an incredible place. The teachers are caring, hard working and utterly invested in the children’s’ personal development.

It is a safe, nurturing environment where my children learned very well and I believe reached their own unique potential. They were encouraged to believe in themselves and were challenged academically all the way through without being pressured.

it was so sad to leave and if the school offered GCSEs and A levels we never would have left!

Fantastic Head teachers and teaching team.

My youngest child who left The Academy at the end of year 6, is way ahead in Math at his new school, due to his learning at The Academy!