Thoughts on school discipline

[AugustTime82]

So my youngest is 8, and has Type 1 Diabetes, ADHD and autism. He does his best, and is a loving little boy. Unfortunately he does have a temper on him, so we are constantly being called from school, or we have ‘chats’ at pick up. It’s extremely tiring, and wears at my soul. But it’s also distressing to see how it impacts my son. Anyway.

My 8 and 10 year old play Fortnite with their friends. Some from school, some from online. Their accounts are monitored, but they play. I hate Fortnite. I’ve banned it once, but I relented over Xmas and allowed them to go back on.

There was an instance over Xmas where my 8 year old had a falling out via Fortnite with a friend of his brothers, and that child called my 10 year old and asked to speak to me. I spoke to them, and they told me that my 8 year old wasn’t being nice to them and had swore. So, it was dealt with and we disciplined him accordingly.

Today I get a call from the school. This child has reported my 8 year old for the incident, and the teacher calls me AFTER speaking to my 8 year old about it.

I am livid. I’m appalled!! Not only did this happen a week ago, but it was outside of school hours AND it was dealt with. I’m furious! My son already has to handle his first day back, but then he gets this reminder on top of it, for something that has nothing to do with the school?

Am I being unreasonable to have expected the teacher to ring me first to see what was done, before she spoke to my son??

How did the other child report it? If it was "X swore at me" the teacher may have thought it happened today until they spoke to your DS.

Exactly this.

and schools have masive issues with things from games carrying on at school. It sounds like they spoke to him so hardly reason to be livid

I feel for the teacher to be honest. She is having to sort our something that is nothing to do with her. Once someone has reported it to her she has to deal with it. All the time I see posters on MN telling parents to report it to the school for them to deal with. No one takes responsibility to sort things themselves nowadays.
Teachers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

If the child has mentioned it at school, the school have a safeguarding duty to follow and must show that an action, such as speaking to parent has happened. It cannot just be left even if it was not a school incident or was a whole ago. Fortnite has a Pegi rating of 12+ .

While ago

Online safety is something that's taken very seriously by Schools so yes they will follow up on things and speak to parents.
It's fine to let them know that you're aware and it's been dealt with though.

Don't let your 8 yo and 10yo play Fortnite?
Clearly the other child felt upset. They may have gone over the top but atleast they stood up for themselves?
What should the teacher have done? She is probably wishing they weren't all playing Fortnite 🤣

My 8 and 10 year old play Fortnite with their friends, some from school, some from online
I don't know much about Fortnite, but an 8 year old having friends 'from online' doesn't seem right to me?

Schools take online incidents really seriously as it's how many children are now bullied which of course impacts school.

I have an 8 year old and she isn't mature enough to be playing online with random people. She plays with her brother and dad and that's all.

Did she only speak to your son about it? You didn’t mention any consequences or punishments. I think your being a bit OTT if she just spoke about. Sadly you can’t really separate homes and school when it comes to online behaviour between 2 pupils at the same school.

Possibly your child shouldn’t have access to a games console where he can link up with others online. Can you change the settings to protect him and others until a they’re a little older?

Schools can discipline pupils for bad behaviour outside of school…. Page 9

From DfE

stop your 8 year old playing Fortnite

It was brought up in school, so they had to respond. Why are you furious?

It’s important for your 8 year old to learn that swearing at others has consequences both in and out of school. School’s bullying and social media policies apply outside of school hours too. Teacher wasn’t in the wrong in speaking to your child.

Wow, the other boy isn't shy is he!
I can't imagine me as a child falling out with another child and then phoning their mother about it and telling the school a week later!
Maybe ask if you could have a meeting with the school about his SEN and how things are going and ways forward.

You say at the start of your post that your son has a temper. By the end, you yourself are livid, appalled and furious, because a teacher dared to pull your son up on poor behaviour?

You seem defensive of his behaviour and dismissive of the teachers concerns. I get it. When my son was at nursery, one of the assistants was an absolute arse. Every time I picked him up, it was "he's had a bad day..." until I finally called her out on being so negative about him, every day, right in front of him. It IS draining. It DOES get you down. And I'm sorry to say, I think it was the case that she simply didn't like him, because the other assistants weren't critiquing him on every pickup, and he didn't have "a bad day" every day at home.

Now he's started school, there have been occasions when he's been out of line. I think I have a good relationship with his teacher and I trust her judgment. We've put our heads together, and where his behaviour has been poor, we've made sure it's corrected, including punishments at home.

I think the main difference between the nursery assistant and the teacher is that the assistant was just a barrage of negativity with no constructive suggestions, while the latter had a proactive "shall we try this?" approach. There's no way I'd leave poor behavior unchecked, but if they're just placing blame rather than trying to work with you to resolve issues, it isn't going to be very productive.

Your child plays age inappropriate games and when he is playing them he swears at other children. I’d focus on that before being livid at his teachers.

But yes, YABU to expect the teacher to call you first. If they did that with every quarrel, they would never get anything done.

I'm a mean parent and I only let my son play educational games on the tablet. I don't think shoot 'em ups are good for their development. Theyve been shown to actually alter thought processes in studies and make children less empathetic.

Your 8 yo shouldn't be on Fortnite. He shouldn't be swearing at people on or offline.

Schools have very rigid policies around cyber bullying. It might not be bullying but that is how cyber bullying starts - children being unkind online outside of school.

School absolutely should be following this up.

I'll reiterate that your son should not be playing Fortnite. He is clearly not ready for it. I have a similar aged child with a similar diagnosis. Remember that children with ADHD are often emotionally underdeveloped and don't function in the same was as others do. I liken my own child to a 6 year old emotionally. Thus he doesn't and won't play games like that. He can't handle them and it's my responsibility to ensure he doesn't have to even if that makes me a bad guy.