Anyone Held Their Child Back A Year Before Starting School?

[Highlander]

DS1 will be 2 weeks shy of 5 if he starts school in the UK. It's way too young IMO. Can I hold him back or do the chilkd police come calling?

"All the teachers I know say boys take years to settle in school."
Highlander, this is a myth and really not true. (I am an ex teacher btw)
I am not in favour of the early start to school but I think 5 is a great age to start if there are no special needs.
I think the UK system isn't flexible enought and 4 is too young - summer babies should be given a bit of a leeway (and I think that the UK system of letting you defer a year and then plonking them in Y1 is terrible)
In Australia the youngest your child can start school is 4 and 9 months and you can hold your child back a year if you feel he or she needs it - but he or she will start in Prep if they are 4 or 6 no matter what.

It depends on the child and I think you as a mum just 'know' what they will cope with. Mine were at a montessori nursery and really enjoying it. they were used to going a few mornings a week, then during the year they would have been in reception I gradually built it up to the final few weeks of nursery when they were almost full time. They were a year older, and that bit more mature so dealt with the starting school without a problem. My only worry would be is whether the school will have a space. It would not be right to expect them to hold one for you, BUT I took the risk. Just applied for a place during the spring of the following year, and they were able to accomodate this, twice. If anyone has kids at primary school and look at the ones who started in reception, alot of families move home at this time and classes are always changing with new children. Yrs 5 and 6 are the tricky ones to get into. If you are not happy with your child going to school, you also have the option to Home Educate, which I also do with another of mine! A real old mixed bag I am!!

Chocfest... So your dcs went straight in at year 1? and coped fine?
How did your montessori nursery differ from a reception class - please exuse my ignorance but i don't know a lot how about montessori works - just vague things about the theory. There is a montessori nursery near here and i have considered that as an option for my ds next year if he doesn't start school. I think he could go until he is 5 which would be 2 terms of the year, i don't know how flexible they are, maybe he could stay on once 5. I expect having that experience would also help to prepare for going out to school.

Hi Jolly

Montessori is brilliant. Children are learning through play, lots of wooden toys which build coordination like the 'pink tower' a tower of bricks which are very slightly smaller than each one so concentration needed. They go along at their own pace, no set assignments, but they choose what they want to do. They do little projects on subjects like autumn and go and collect leaves and make pictures. Lots of things the same as reception. They usually get a story read to them. They learn about sharing and other childrens feelings. It is the only time of nursery I have used for all of mine and found it very successful. You get the funding for the futher year as well, up until the term after the child is 5. Have a look at the montessori websites and see what you think. Mine also had a little go at french, had pony rides, grew vegetables, had a sports day. They had to shake hands with the teacher on the way in and out.If they were up to learning to read then they could, but were not forced to learn the letters. Nothing until they were ready. I just really liked it and so did the children. If there had been montessori primary schools near by I would certainly have continued their education there. So when they went off to school, they just slipped in nicely.

Thanks, i will investigate further....

Just a wee pedent's point: it is not the UK system that is inflexible - it is the English system that is infelaxible.

The Scottish system does allow you to hold a child back if they are not ready - in fact it even encourages it. Children start school between the ages of 4.5 and 5.5(+). "Normal" cut-off dates is March to Febraury, with every one starting school in a single intake in August. However, if your child is not yet 5 in Augst, when the school year starts, you can choose to hold them back until the following year. The "system" will even go on paying for the 12.5 hours nursery those that only turn five in January/February (and at it s dicretion for those that turned 5 September-December).

Just add to the point that Home education is legal in this country, you do not have to send any child to school, you only have a legal obligation to educate them. Why don't you have a look at the Home Ed threads, there are LOTS of arguments on there for and against home ed and great links to websites with more options. On a personal note I will not be sending my kid to school till they are ready, whether thats 5/7/11 etc, whatever age is right for them.

Have you visited your local school of choice to see what's on offer in Reception? I think you might be in for a pleasant surprise. Reception is part of the Foundation Stage and there is a massive emphasis on learning through play at each child's own pace. I'm a Reception teacher and we staggered the children's entry by term. So the Term 1's (Autumn birthdays)camd for 2 weeks part time (1 week mornings, 1 week afternoons) and then they were in full-time and staying for lunch. We had no problems with any of them. The Term 2's (Spring birthdays) did part time until half term and then stayed full time. The Term 3's (Summer birthdays) did half a term of afternoons, half a term of mornings and then started full time in January, also staying for lunch. We've had no tears over it - no anxieties, they've all been happy as Larry.
To miss out the Reception Year, means your child misses out on a huge amount of social learning and when they start in Year 1, they are like fish out of water if they've never set foot inside the school for any length of time before. Instead of settling in and getting on with it, they'll be aclimatizing themselves to school and the routine etc, which their peers have had a whole year to do already.

While I sympathise with very young children, summer birthdays, they often cope better than parents expect but would urge anyone considering doing this to consider the implications as the child gets older ~transfer to secondary school and end of statutory education.

I tried to hold my son back in Hong Kong (UK system school). We already knew that his motor skills were delayed and he was not ready to write. They told me he was too tall (!) to hold back.

Result? We pulled him out after a completely miserable year - socially and academically. We have home educated him ever since and now, at age eleven, his motor skills have mostly caught up.

If your son seems pretty much average for his age or better, then you are probably okay. If you see a specific problem then I would really think about delaying school, maybe home educating.

Best wishes

Laura

I've never understood this argument and so far as I can tell, it's only ever made by needy parents who have to single their kids out as different just to get a bit of attention.

For God's sake, in my nursery, we have babies of eighteen months doing full days from 8-6. They cope perfectly well. Now that being the case, I'm bloody sure that your average four and five year old can cope with going to school from 9-3. It's not like they're chained to desks and made to rote learn multiplication tables, is it? It's just a bit of sand and water play mixed in with a few Jolly Phonics. Why wouldn't they cope?

Boobysmum, I think being mean to the orginal poster by calling her "needy" was a bit unneccesary. Without turning this into a debate about full time nursery care, there will be people who disagree with your statement that all children cope perfectly well in full time nursery care, you cannot expect everyone to have the same opinions and if someone has a different view to you, it doesn't make it less valid. I have worked in a school nursery (so not in the same setting as you of course) where most children adapt well but not every child, so I think sweeping statements about "all children" over simplify the matter.

Also, most other countries have school starting ages of 6, so surely it is a valid concern, whether you personally agree with it or not. Plus, having spent time working in recpetion class it was a lot more than "sand and water play mixed in with a few Jolly Phonics". Different schools vary of course but some reception classes are actually quite formal, there is of course play but there can also be a resonable about of directed structured learning, which some people disagree is appropiate for the age group. I am sure you will disagree with this, by the tone of your orginal post, but you need to acknowledge that some people are unhappy with structured learning at this age and they are entitled to this opinion, whether you agree or not.

I also think attending nursery can be a completely different experience than sending a child to a large infant school of over 300 pupils, which can be overwelming for some children, whilst others will cope perfectly fine. Also the staff-child ratio is a lot lower in school than nursery, which can make a big difference.

I think what I am trying to say is all parents, children and schools are different and Highlander needs to make a decision that is right for her and her family. What decision she comes to is her own business but knowing the facts so she can make the right decision for her is crucial, bullying will not help with this.

... and the fact that in Scotland it is possible to hold the child back a year without them missing out on any schooling (in that all kids have to have 7 years at primary) shows that it is possible to be flexible without the neitre system falling down.

And there is never the slightest implication that choosing to hold your child back for a year is being "needy": indeed, it is seen as being normal.

My oldest son is a June baby and has been in reception since September - half days until half term then full days. He is doing very well and his teacher is very pleased with progess, despite us never doing the homework... However, he is absolutely exhausted, his behaviour at home has completely changed since Christmas (but is impecable at school - he just has to let off steam when he gets home) and he has been constantly ill (norovirus, chest infection with 2 lots of antibiotics, numerous colds) although he never missed a day of nursery through illness. He is also finding the social side of things difficult to negotiate.

Thinking about this makes me more and more angry, particularly because DS2 is also a June baby so we will go through the same again in 2 years time (at least the baby girl had the sense to be born in October!). Does anyone else think that the force for good that is mumsnet could be used to open a debate, maybe for the UK to get more in line with the rest of Europe and North America, or at least for Reception to be less pressured (my friend's daughter, also a June baby, was sent home with a note asking her to do more work on her sounds as she doesn't know them after half a term at school...). As I understand it, this pressure comes from government (SATS etc). Does anyone know how this can be challenged?

I would also love for the government to have a change of heart - and would support any pressure from parents to make that happen. However, in the meantime I think we can only "vote with our feet" and keep our children out until WE think they are ready.
It is perfectly legal.

I am almost certainly not sending my ds1 to school this September. I have heard and considered the arguments about children missing out on too much "settling in and making friends" if they miss reception, but I really think that for my child he will settle better if we wait until he is ready. I'm sure that if he goes in September he'll struggle, and lose a lot of his confidence and love of learning.