ds2's teacher asked to 'have a word about his behaviour'.i dont know what i'm meant to do?

[Divastrop]

ds2 is 4.5.he has always been a typical lad,boisterous and sometimes silly.he has had problems with his hearing due to glue ear since he was 2.he had grommets which improved things,but one has fallen out and he is going back to the hospital this month.

generally,his behaviour in school has been fine,but today his teacher told me he has been badly behaved all week,not listening to her,not sitting down when told etc.

their first teacher retired at the end of last term,and the teacher they have now is new.this is the first week since they went back that she has been in every day,they had various supply teachers all last week,and for 2 or 3 days of each week before that.i dont think that much disruption can be good for reception children.

what i want to know,is what does she expect me to do?obviously i have told ds2 that i am unhappy about him being naughty at school etc,and i want him to behave-but what else am i meant to do?i have never been in this situation before!

Maybe ask her exactly how he's being 'badly behaved.' Agree that if he's had different teachers since Xmas he will be unsettled.

Perhaps ask the teacher for suggestions, or suggest a school/home reward scheme where the teacher gives him marks for good behaviour and this translates to a treat at home.

Do they have some sort of discipline system at school?

In ours they have a traffic light system (everyone starts each session on green, then if they misbehave they go on yellow... then finally on red (and they go to the head!) - alternatively they have silver and gold for really good behaviour too).

The reason I mention it, is that it's a really visual way to snapshot their behaviour at the end of every day.

When ds1 went through a phase of messing around in class, I made it clear to him I wasn't happy and for a week (in front of him) I checked with his teacher after school what colour he had been on during the day.

I didn't even say anything would happen if he had been on red... but just the fact it was blatantly obvious I was backing up the school and checking on him regularly ... that it WOULD get back to me if he'd been mucking about, seemed to do the trick.

Worth a try?

Oh what also worked really nicely was at the end of the week, the teacher made a big thing of saying (in front of ds1) to me how good and helpful he'd been that day and what good work he'd done. He looked like he was going to burst with pride

does the teacher know about the hearing problems? If his hearing has been bad recently it would account for the not sitting down when told, etc

ive posted about the very same thing this week. My boy is also a boystrous 4.5 year old.

The teacher said the exact same things to me as well.

So what i have done is i have told him that i will check with teacher at the end of every day. I have done this, literally 20secs, "how has he been?" and she says "better" or not so good today.
I have commenced a sticker chart.
For every day he tried his best to be good, he gets a sticker.
Today is day 5. He had 1 bad day and we removed that sticker.
Now he has 5 stickers, so as a reward, he is making home made pizza with his daddy and i have borrowed Harry Potter DVD to watch while he eats his pizza.

This week he has defo improved.
A word of caution, i have deliberately NOT mentioned "BIENG GOOD" because he is only 4, he is settling in and i do not want to put too high an expectation on him.
I have said "try your very very best to be good today" I have spoken to him to remind him every evening and every morning.
Now, today we draw the line. Today is the last day and on Monday we start a fresh week. I will not mention this to him again, this is the last of it.
It is difficult, and it is not the end of the world, it is normal behaviour especially as your ds has had a variety of different people in and out teaching him.
Try not to dispair, its all good.

she said she had sent him to the deputy head's classroom a few times,and that the dep.head had said if it carried on he would start missing playtimes.

i am not happy about that,as i didnt think playtime was meant to be a reward,i thought playtimes were because children need a break in the fresh air.surely keeping a 4 year old in all day would make their behaviour worse?

I really do think that this is a normal reaction to an unsetled period at school.
Full time big school is a huge transition for little ones.
Its just teathing problems.
Grin and bear it for now. Give it another term for him to settle.
They have only been there for 2 terms so far, its early days.

she is aware of the hearing problems but she said she has made sure he has heard her,and always makes eye contact when speaking to him.

thanks for all your suggestions,i will find out what they do in school(they had sticker charts and reward schemes when ds1 and dd1 went there)and find a way to continue it at home.

when i asked him about it he told me that 2 boys in his class kept kicking and punching him,and laughing at him when he sits on the carpet.he used to be very good friends with one of the boys,so i dont know whats going on.i do get the impression the teacher is out of her depth.there are a number of boys like ds2 in that class-the first teacher they had had been teaching reception for 19 years and never had any problems with them-this teacher is very young and i imagine inexperienced.

If there are a couple of boys that end up winding each other up (nothing malicious, but sometimes friendships work better in the playground than inside the actual classroom!) ask her to consider splitting them up while on the carpet, maybe? Worth investigating, at least I imagine.

Give her a chance, it's not easy taking over a class part way through the year. It will take her much longer to become established than if she had taken the class in September. I would let her know that you will give her your support as a parent, checking that your ds has been behaving etc.

The staffing situation you describe sounds very concerning to me.

You're in my town aren't you? There are some absolutely superb infants/primaries here, and some not so.

What was their recent Ofsted like? Would you consider moving him?

Yeah Diva, all the changes are really unfortunate. And then an inexperienced teacher after all the disruption.
Lots of communication with the teacher is probably a good idea. Hopefully she will find a system that works to control her class. And hopefully you will be able to trust her and follow through at home.

Definately understandable that your ds is unsettled under the circumstances.

Diva, ds2's (year 3) beloved teacher went on mat leave 2 weeks ago. Ds2 and most of his class were distraught. The new teacher then went off sick which only made matters worse. Ds2 was refusing to go to school etc.
Things are starting to settle down a bit now.

It is extremely difficult to take over a class half way through the year. Things will settle down for both the teacher and the children.
I'm sure things will work out. I agree that missing playtimes regularly is no good. The children need a run around.

i didnt mean to sound like i was critising her in any way.i was very suprised that their last techer chose to retire at the end of term rather than at the end of the school year,but i think she was unwell and maybe retired a little earlier than she planned.
i think i will have a word with the teacher about what ds2 has said.one minute he is friends with these boys and the next he doesnt like them as they are hitting him.i will ask her how i can best support her in dealing with this behaviour,and also show ds2 that i am listening to his teacher,so its important he does too.

i think i will have a word with the head about the playtime thing,though,as if that is a normal punishment in that school then i will have something to say about it!i dont remember ds1 or dd1 ever mentioning it,but they were both perfect little angels at infant school

roisin-yes,i am in your town.im not sure what their recent ofsted was like.i have never had a problem with the school,and the related junior school and nursery are excellent so i wouldn't want to move him.i would have been happier if the staffing problems had been explained to us,though.i dont think its right for small children to not know whos teaching them one day to the next,and the head not even bothering to explain to the parents what the problem is.