DD(6) - falling behind in reading - losing her confidence

[Todaynotalways]

...and it feels like I've failed a bit.

DD is 6, she's in a prep school and they're competitive about reading, and DD is in the bottom-half of her class (based on spelling test results and which level books she's reading).

The tricky thing is, she just doesn't want to do it - we read to her (which she loves), but she seems to have a mental block around wanting to do it herself.

I don't want to pressure her, and we encourage reading throughout the day (not just books, the backs of packets, TV shows, etc. etc.) I want her to find it fun, enjoy it, and therefore get into it. But so far, no cigar.

Ditto her spelling test, it's like she's lacking confidence in literacy so her response is always "I can't..." rather than giving it a go.

She's smart, her maths is good, she is really quick thinking - and logically I know that her reading will develop in time. I also know that Yr1 is a big jump up in expectations vs. Reception.

If you have any tips (or reassurance) on how to get her to engage with reading, without it being stressful for her, or for us - I'd love to hear them.

THere's a reason many countries send their children to school much later than ours, OP. Many children just aren't ready at 6. Don't pressure her or she'll decide reading "isn't for her."

Year 3 is the year it really clicks for the reluctant readers in my experience. Don't fret it.

Just because the school are competitive about reading, doesn't mean that your DD wants to be.

Your approach seems fine, take the pressure off, continue to read to her. Usually something 'clicks' in Y1 or Y2 and they're off reading all the time.

It's also not usually the same children at the top of the class for music and for literacy. Different skill sets. Also, we'd find that if they were in a phase of writing lots, they would read less. School told us this is quite normal and is how their brains develop.

And, if it's a competitive prep she's probably well ahead of where she needs to be, even towards the bottom of the class. We are at a non competitive prep and the kids are miles ahead of the national targets and many are reading 2yrs ahead of where they should be.

Kids learn when they're happy and enjoying themselves, that's what our school say anyway.

Music = maths in my previous post

Thanks guys! It's appreciated - I know these things logically - and more than anything I want her to be happy, and it's not like she'll always be a reluctant reader.

I hope she gets that click moment @CheeseIsMyPatronus - I know my (much younger) brother did in year 3 when Harry Potter came out. Maybe she just needs to find the thing she really wants to read.

And you're entirely right @AnyRandomName that the reading level in her school is probably ahead of the national norm - we made the choice to send her there because we wanted her to be given choices and opportunities as she gets older - but sometimes it feels like a bit of a harsh decision for a 5 or 6 year old.

Her maths (and music) are both really strong, she does maths by choice, sometimes I'll just leave a page of sums out for her and she'll relish doing them (this is nothing like me as a child), she has piano lessons which she loves - now I think about it, maths and music are DH's skillsets, whereas I was more into reading at that age. I guess it'll all even out.

I just don't want to make it a stress for her, and at the same time I feel frustrated that she's so disengaged with reading (so far).

I always tell this story when people are worried about their dcs not reading early enough.
When one of my dcs was 6 I can clearly remember saying to his teacher that he just doesn't 'get' reading at all. I was so worried about him. He was very reluctant to even try (not helped by having a younger sibling who was a fluent reader). He didn't want to try and fail.
He's an adult now and while he really really enjoyed some of the texts he studied at secondary school, he has never been an avid reader. However he did get A stars in English at GCSE and an A at A Level. So his late reading did him no harm whatsoever.
My other dcs started reading at 4/5 and 2. The one size fits all approach that schools adopt really doesn't help promote confidence and a love of reading.

The fact that the school is competitive about it and ranks them doesn't sound the most appealing approach for a reluctant reader, maybe just give her time to come to it on her own. Or let her choose magazines at the supermarket or something else that interests her?

What level is she at, I'd have thought the answer and how to get her to engage really depends on that? How often does she read with an adult in school , if she's reading 1:1 multiple times a week not sure how important it is to do more?

If she's where someone towards the bottom of DD's year 1 class in a state school is, switching how's she's reading might help. If you are OK with technology, the teach your monster to read game really engaged my kids. If you'd rather go practical and have time to set things up, the phonics family website has a very good range of ideas.

If she's at the level where she's capable of reading independently but choosing not to, I think that's different and I'm not sure what you can do beyond continuing to expose her to a broad range of reading material! If part of what you are worried about is she's not developing the comprehension skills she needs to progress at school, either ask her questions on what you've read to her or maybe do something like a CGP comprehension workbook once a week?

Thanks @CrabbyCat she's reading My Letters and Sounds Phase 4, Yellow Band at the moment.

She reads most school days with a teacher, and most days with one of us. We are not as intense as some parents in her class (some kids have tutors).

I'll take a look at Teach Your Monsters to Read and the Phonics Family website, and also the GCP workbooks. Thank you!!

I don't think she's quite ready to read completely independently, she still sounds-out most words, including some of her high frequency words from Reception. Her sounding out of new words isn't fool proof and words are sometimes jumbled (exclaim might become excamil for instance). This makes it slow going meaning she loses track of comprehension.

How do you know where she is in the class? Do the school actually share this information with you?

Phase 4 in Year 1 is about a term or 2 behind average. What advice did school give you. You should read to her about 20 minutes a day and help her do her assigned reading homework every evening. Teach your monster to read is a great app for extra practice in a fun way.

Buy a set of read books a level lower than she currently is. Get her to read them for minutes every night.

This is the second thread about prep schools where young kids are told their ranking in class. Are these schools stuck in the 1950s?Totally unnecessary in this day and age and damaging for self-esteem.

For what it's worth, I agree.

I realise the teachers need some way of supporting each child's needs, but exposing it as a fact ("top 2 in maths, bottom half in reading") is a tough thing for both DD and us to hear.

Yes, they share it. Not as a nunbered ranking, but it's fairly clear.

When you say "a term or two" do you mean Phase 4 is expected for the last part of Reception (as she's been in Year 1 for one full term)?

We read together every day, sometimes just a quick 5-8 minute book before bed, we also have her read to us 5 out of 7 days a week (approx.) - I know it's important, but it's so hard to find more time.

The school's advice was that she's able, but needs to focus. Getting a child to focus on something they believe they're intrinsically bad at is hard.

Yes, that's what I mean. It would typically be final term of reception. So if she started year 1 at this level I wouldn't be too worried.

Make it fun and reinforce that people aren't good or bad at things. If you practice you can master anything. She sounds like she needs a confidence boost and more practice. Teach your Monster to Read is a great way to practice. everyday in addition to what you are already doing. Over the holidays hopefully you can find the extra time that will give her the boost she needs.

Best of luck.

I would take her to the library to choose some books, as I would want her to feel like she has control over what she reads.

I would deliberately try to get her watching television programmes that are based on books - For example Meg and Mog based on the books by Jan Pienkowski, Kipper based on the books by Mick Inkpen, Old Bear and Friends by Jane Hissey, Katie-Morag or Claude (books about a little dog). Once she's watched the programmes the books might seem more appealing because they are familiar. A lot of these are old children's TV programmes and you can find old episodes on YouTube. This is how I encouraged my ds. He is now a real bookworm.

I would also put subtitles on the television whenever she's watching anything on television. For some reason my ds loved this and I am sure it really helped him to feel confident about reading.

Try not to worry.

This poor child. She’s 6! She is fine, she can read and will continue to improve

if the poor toot is losing confidence that’s because of all the pressure- making her read labels and hyper focusing on things is just ott

What the hell does this school think it's playing at, being 'competitive' about reading in 6 year olds? Surely every teacher knows reading doesn't really kick in that soon for a lot of kids?

My dd sounds quite like your dd. She was 'behind' many of the others in her class through ks1 in reading though fine at maths etc. Long story short, she's the one who got into the grammar school and then Cambridge to do engineering. Never bern an avid fiction reader.

Your dd will without doubt learn to read perfectly well in the next few years, whereas many of her peers will never be really good at maths.

Do read to her a lot though.

Have you tried offering her non- fiction books that relate to what she’s interested in? Also try this to increase her confidence: you read a couple of pages and model how you read - explain out loud how you read the title, look at the blurb and the pictures to get an idea what the story’s about first, model how you look at the pictures to make sense of an unfamiliar word, model how you break down a long word in syllables and then blend the syllables together to know how to say the word. Then get her to read what you have just read. Give the characters their own way of speaking, reflect how they are feeling in your voice when reading their speech.

Have you had her vision checked? The fact that she is sounding out words is good, but the mixing up words might need sorting. Is she just guessing at 'excamil' and not trying to blend or do you think she may have an issue with tracking through the words as she reads?

I'd also recommend taking her to the library to pick some books. And can you read a page each or even you read a page then she reads one word and gradually build it up. It's so important for it to be positive and her her speed.

It's important that you are able to stay calm and demonstrate that this doesn't matter at all. And at this age it's nothing to worry about. Games are the way to go.

Have you tried a website like phonics bloom? You can choose your phonics level and play games to practice making the sound and recognising the letters. It may also be helpful to make the sounds in playdough or write them in poster paint. A pairs game might also help or you could make a bingo board. You can also write down the different sounds and have her circle the one you can out in a colour of her choosing.

Practice exception words separately using flash cards, in their families, and make it clear they don't follow the rules.

Twinkl can provide you with sound mats which help support her learning at school.

If she doesn't like reading, she may at least reinforce her familiarity with the sounds and letters. While it's true this doesn't matter, she is in an environment where it's valued so it would be best for her to have support to catch up.

I have to say though the ethos of the school seems a little off. I don't really see how discussing where a child is in the class is really appropriate. Discussing where she is relative to age related expectations is all that should be mentioned and only then to give you some context if needed. School may be part of the problem and why she's got it in her head she's 'not good' if they take a competitive approach.

I agree @LondonGirl83 and it's certainly not the ethos they sold to us (and the reason we chose that school) - we chose the school because it's small, no classes bigger than 14 children, local, family run - and didn't feel as 'hot housey' as the other options.

I think a lot depends on the class teacher you have, and it could be that this one doesn't 'resonate' with the way I'd prefer DD to be taught - that having been said, I am not a teacher, I just know DD.

We've done a lot of reading this weekend (mainly me to her), very little TV watching (which she utterly prefers), a decent bulk of crafting, and she wrote 24 Christmas cards (and did her homework) - so I'm feeling a little less guilty about her reading reticence. I just hope that she will turn a corner and actually want to engage with reading for herself - and all I can do is support her in doing so.

I'll take a proper look at the websites and resources this week - thank you all, I really appreciate your insights!

Mine didn't start reading by themselves until purple book band ish.

The other thing that really helped DS who was slower to pick it up was to flashcard high frequency regular words as well as the irregular ones. He was slow to move from blending to reading on sight and the flashcards were a way of getting in extra practice of keywords daily.

I printed little flashcards because what worked best with DS was just to do it quickly. You could whoever make more a game of it if that would work better for your DD - e.g. you writing the words in bath crayon in the bath for her to read and then wash off. (See the phonics family site for other ideas).

We did 6 words a day and switched out once he could sight read them. As well as the reception 100 words light, you can get lists of the most common 300 words in the English language e.g. here www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.hollylodge.kite.academy/assets/Uploads/first-100-high-frequency-words-and-the-next-200.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiDtKi4k_P7AhWMLcAKHdLPCOkQFnoECHEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2GVwmjFUD5nqlp6qJF0mrA . I started from the top and worked down. For DS, once he could sight read the top 100 words, it massively improved his enjoyment because it was less hard work reading for him.

You could get the Peter and Jane books.
Some children learn better by learning with sight words vs phonics.
My husband learnt by sight and is definitely a better reader than I am.