Not bullying but.....

[Fossil]

DS tells me this morning that two days ago some older boys came to sit with him and his 2 friends at lunch and were "nasty". He says he almost cried after his 2 friends had gone and he was left behind (they are only 4 or 5 - in reception). This has happened before on occasion. I know there will always be such incidents - how can I help DS to cope with it?

I have told him he should tell them to leave him alone, and if they continue to tell a teacher or dinner lady, but is there anything else we can do?

Well it is very tricky, as you don't want them to burst into tears at school and get the Victim label tattooed on his forehead but you want him to know that he can come home and tell you about it and let it all out. Sometimes I think they don't want necessarily you to deal with it, they just want to tell you to validate how they felt - psycho babble, you can tell I have just been on a parenting course.

My DS1(6) doesn't deal with teasing very well and has been known to burst into tears at school while it is like water off a ducks back to DS2(4) - he gets thumped on the arm and then grabs his foot and says it hurts It totally puts the assislant off guard and makes him laugh.

Personally I wouldn't make a big thing of it with DS but speak to the teachers in charge of lunchtime and ask them to keep an eye on these boys. If they are doing it to your son they are probably doing it to other kids. If it continues then you need an alternative plan of action.

Thanks kaz33. As they didn't do it yesterday it is my feeling that it's just a one off. I am also unable to get out of ds what he means by "nasty" behaviour.

it is bullying, whether they use physical force or not. i'd talk to his teacher. we had this recently and dd1 (7) was very brave but definitely needed input fromthe teacher to sort it out.

Hi Fossil - your poor ds!

Can you teach him a good phrase to use for when things get to him?

It doesn't have to be anything brillantly witty.

My dses say, 'I don't like that' loudly - then if it doesn't stop, say it again even louder - so that the dinner lady hears!

They also do well with 'You're hurting my feelings' which sounds very namby-pamby but it's a school 'golden rule' not to hurt people's feelings, so it nearly always does the trick.

Thanks Porpoise. Might try that one.