advice please - parent helper discussing children outside of school

[wannaBe]

The mum of my ds? best friend has recently started to help out in school one day a week. Since she has been going in, it?s as if she had been given a job as teacher of all children because she has been coming out talking about how ?I should have been there yesterday because I wanted to tell the children to do x/oh they do x and y and it is so hard for me to deal with all of them? etc, stuff which is all a load of crap because I also help out in class one day a week and while the parent helpers are hugely valued, they are just there to help and have no influence over what goes on in class etc. This attitude of her?s could be explained I think by her need to be wanted/needed etc, as she has much the same attitude towards her job ie ?they couldn?t cope without me/I was off sick and they rang me fr advice/I?m the only one that can train the staff?, despite the fact she is not a manager/superviser but is just a customer adviser.

What this is really about though is that a couple of weeks ago I walked into the park and this woman was standing there with another mum, and they were discussing the individual children in class. And the other mum was saying ?so what?s x like then? and this woman was telling her, and was telling her about the children who were naughty/difficult/the children who were struggling/the children whose parents she felt sorry for because of their behaviour. I was very and at this, because as someone who goes into class I feel that it is highly inappropriate to discuss any child with anyone. To the point that I won?t even talk to friends about their own children because I do not feel it is my place to do so. But I know she would be livid if someone were discussing her child and yet she feels that she has the right to discuss other peoples? children who she has seen while in a position of trust. .

I didn?t say anything to her at the time because I have been considering mentioning it to someone in the school and I don?t want her to know that it?s come from me. It?s also worth mentioning that this woman hates me for no apparent reason, we used to be friends but when the kids started school she suddently turned after our kids had a very minor falling out one day (they are now best friends again), so if I report her it could be seen as upset/sour grapes for her not wanting to be my friend, playground politics I know but it does exist.

But I know that something has to be done because it is A inappropriate for her to be discussing anyone?s child out of school, and b if it comes out that parent helpers have been discussing other children then it gives all parent helpers a bad name, not just the one that has been doing it.

So I know I must say something but how and to who?

I am parent helper as well.

What she is doing is appalling!

I had to read a confidentiality agreement when I started to help.

I think I would just tell the teacher that you've overheard her discussing children and ask her if there is a confidentiality agreement to shove in her face.

That is appalling!

I do get "inside" information on DS1 - as one of my close friends is a TA at the school and I sit there panicking (totally unnecessarily) about how he's doing. However, she ONLY tells me about his work/progress and never, ever tells me what he's like in comparison to other children - and I wouldn't expect her to either.

I think you have to tell the teacher whose class she is in that you have overheard her discussing the children's behaviour and progress in great detail with other parents. The teacher ought to be able to deal with this without bringing your name into it - it sounds like she's doing this widely and openly enough that many people are aware of it.

I wouldn't mention the general bragging - anyone who takes what she says at face value would be daft, she sounds like someone I used to know. The organisation couldn't have run without her, apparently, though her job description was more like "filing clerk"

Sadly, this is the reason why SOME parent helpers go in and help. I've overheard a number of parents saying that they are going to volunteer in order to "keep an eye on X" "see what X is doing" etc. Sad, very sad.

Its even worse at our DDs school. A couple of the parents actually take their kids into the classroom in the morning, and then walk about trying to work out who can do what, who has been given which type of work etc.. because the teacher lays out the work for each child on the tables.

They also seem to quiz their own kids on who is on which book level/ group etc., because you then hear them comparing kids at the gates. Teacher does absolutely nothing about it.

when I was a parent helper i did reading in my ds class for 20 minutes a day just to help but I always asked to never have my own son and then I asked to be put in a different class for the rest of the day . I dont think its right for children to have their own parents in the class for this reason .

These dim, dim women who do it...

In our case, we had one woman repeatedly 'using' the info she'd gleaned from class lots of wrong ends of sticks being grasped, too as schoolgates gossip. Several parents who had overheard her spoke to the teacher, not naming names. Nothing actually happened until the culprit was identified to the teacher.

A few weeks later , we were given a letter spelling out the parent-helper protocol. Woman is so thick, though, that it's quite possible she didn't realise it was all aimed at her