Hard graft versus talent - when do you stop pushing?

[nothappymum]

I have just read the article below:

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article3277873.ece

I am assuming that if being gifted and advanced as a child doesnt mean you will achieve high things in life unless you put in hard work, the same must be for the opposite, i.e. if writing and reading don't come easily to you as a small child but you put in hard work- then you are still likely to achieve a lot.

Sorry if this seems so obvious.... but DS is 4.5 and in reception and is finding very hard to learn to write and read and needs a lot of pushing.....because he wants to play only, but it does seem that pushing too hard may even put off talented and gifted children

What do you think- how do you find the right balance?

I think one important thing they didn't really mention in the article is that children develop at different rates - they may label one as gifted when they were just an early developer. Others then catch up in their own time, and they end up doing just as well.

Everyone will do better if they put the effort in than if they don't, but that usually comes from their own motivation and not from being pushed from outside. Pushing if he's just not ready for reading won't make him develop faster...

Not happy- IMO, it's a fine line but the way I see it, the ability to read and write is absolutely key in order for any child to engage with their future education, BUT what I always told myself whilst gritting my teeth and assisting DS1 with his literacy in Reception was that most children in the developed world don't start learning to read or write til they're at least 6 if not 7- then achieve JUST as much as kids who've been at it since 4. I think because we can't change our education system that introduces academia so VERY young, the best we can do is the slowly dripping tap method of teaching- keep at it, gently but persistently (very important! This is a 'battle' you win through attrition) until suddenly you turn around, 4 years later to find that your child is actually above average then it all seems worth it. Hooray.

Regarding the comments at the bottom of the article, I also believe that being G&T, unless in a tall glass with ice, can be a curse! What makes us 'successful' is SO much more than a bunch of prematurely gained O levels, after all, isn't it? I was considered quite clever at 10 (I passed my 11+ then, along with a friend) but really, though it didn't make much overall difference to my life, my friend feels the highlight of her life was that period when we were feted for being clever, BUT really, praising 'cleverness' is as daft as praising blue eyes. It's what you, the individual choose to do with that cleverness that counts.

In short, I think what one needs to do as a parent is to keep the opportunities open for a child to explore a topic of interest further, BUT to gently but firmly insist the basics are learned whether those subjects are of interest to the child or not. At least, at 8, I can and do tell DS1, when he moans about homework that it's 'Non negotiable'. At 4.5, one can only make such stuff so much 'part of the day' that it becomes ingrained.

thanks and great points.

AMumInScotland I agree with you 100% as - and i will get quite personal here - my sons seems to be in a class where all children are incredible advavanced, or maybe just 9 to 12 months older, and he's seen as the slow one. This really drives me mad as to get labelled like this at 4 and half can be disheartening.

miljee - great points. It's not how clever you are, but what you do with your life.....

I have a close friend who was incredibly slow at learning things and would always be bottom of the class at primary school.

Through sheer will power and the help of her mother and mine as we studied together at university she managed to graduate (even if with a low grade) and is now a teacher in a secondary school. When she graduated it was the best moment ever for her and I felt so proud for her too. I think she is an excellent teacher because she understand all the pain of being labelled slow and how much hard graft is important.

On the other hand I have friends who had loads of potential and where part of the top 5% in class and never finished any formal training and have no qualifications.

I am a foreigner and started to learn to read and write when I was six - so I am very inclined to agree that in this country the little ones start too early.....

I don't remember it being a big deal for me as I loved reading and was asking for books as presents on my 7th birthday-

The only reason I managed to finish university was because I was so impressed by the willpower of my friend that I thought if she can do it so I can.
We didn't compete with each other, it just happened that I found motivation to study if I had to explain her things, whereas if I was on my own I would just find lots of things to do but study .

I think support it's the key, not just from your parents, but from whoever you can get it.