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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should I have made DS#1 go?

12 replies

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 16:15

He was offered a place at a literacy mentoring group after school. He's OKish - second group from top but can be careless with his writing and his ICT skills aren't great. Since the middle of last term he has been really resentful and miserable about school. We can get no sense out of him and his teacher can't think of anything that is upsetting him. He has given a few reasons (fighting in the playground which he got dragged into - sooo not his thing, and having to use the hall last for lunch when it's messy and dirty) but none of them seem anough to explain his reasons.

But.... he agreed to go to this group and I filled in a form to say he would. He went last week and hated it and from what he said it sounded a bit pointless - lots of waiting around for the teachers - and he hates the fact that they think he needs 'extra help'. This afternoon he refused to go. Point blank refused. In tears about it. Short of dragging him there by force (he's a tall 11yr old btw) I don't see what I could do. I'm due to go to a meeting about the mentoring tomorrow afternoon - what am I supposed to say about this. And without any concrete reasons should I really let him stop going?

Something doesn't seem right. He is the most easy-going of children - this isn't like him. I'm stumped TBH. I'm not use to any of my DCs simply refusing to do things without a good reason.

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Twiglett · 29/01/2008 16:21

I don't think I would have made him go tbh Orm

Is he still caught between the wanting to be adult / wanting to be child thing? (was that you?, it was, wasn't it?)

juuule · 29/01/2008 16:24

If he hates it isn't that reason enough?
You've given his reasons and they sound okay to me.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 16:25

Yes, It was me twig. Thanks for remembering

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Twiglett · 29/01/2008 16:26

do you think this is more of the same?

do you think you could suggest to school, and maybe him, that he becomes a mentor for a younger child .. I have this belief that teaching something helps one understand it more

Original poster

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 16:30

I think it's linked. Very much tied up with moving on next year. He thinks that going to his new school is going to solve all his problems. Which it may but just as likely may not.

The yr 6s used to help foundation stage with their reading but since the school is in special measure that's been stopped . He is on problem patrol in the junior playground at lunch time once a week and I must admit he loves that.

I really need to talk to his teacher but, lovely as she is, she can't see any problems. I think DH and I will have a chat and knock the mentoring on the head for now.

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AMumInScotland · 29/01/2008 16:31

If he's in the second top group, and he tried the mentoring but found it a waste of his time, I can't think what either of you would gain by forcing/pressuring him to go. And you could just tell them that at the meeting - if they want people to get something out of these sessions they'll have to accept feedback.

If he had a real problem it might be different, but even then if he's not enjoying school then forcing him to do more of it is not going to encourage him to open up to you about what his issues are.

I haven't read your previous threads, but 11 is a difficult age and he may not understand himself what the problem is, beyond "everything feeling wrong".

Sorry not to have any suggestions for imrpoving the situation, but I definitely think you're right to let him choose not to go.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:03

Thanks for all your comments.

I spoke to his teacher the next morning and she was surprised to hear what he had said. She told me she would have a chat with him. She also told me that his work has improved a great deal this year so he is worrying about nowt. After school he confirmed that she had a long chat with him and they agreed that his problems with school were probably to do with starting Yr 6 and the new workload. And that he was going to give the mentoring group another go. I went to the meeting and had a talk with one of the mentors who was very sympathetic. He does work with DS in class and he has promised to talk to him about it too. So all in all I think we may be OK.

We have some truly wonderful teachers They all seem to know DS#1 and DD from the times they have been involved with the children's classes over the years and they remember them. I think that's amazing in a school of over 600 pupils.

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Wisteria · 31/01/2008 13:08

Orm - can you talk to him about the importance in being up to speed at his new school with literacy etc and then give him the option of either going to the classes or having you help him for perhaps half an hour a day instead? - he may be more amenable if he feels he has a choice.

The websites available are quite helpful, for instance KS2 revision - think it's on a bbc webpage. Our sec school subscribes to 'SAM' learning which the kids can access whenever they feel like it with a password. The teachers can look at what they've done - we've found it invaluable with dd1 who is coming up for KS3. Have to say though some of the comprehension texts left a little to be desired but I am a pedant

Original poster

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:15

I think he's got that message now wisteria Having been 'talked to' by DH and I, and his teacher, and his grandma last night. The mentoring was meant to be be something fun - they are making a school magazine - rather than more work. And that is what he needs TBH. He can do the work quite well, but his enthusiasm and interest is lacking.

The thought of the new school is all that's keeping him going atm.

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Wisteria · 31/01/2008 13:18

sorry did I miss something?

Just remember my dd refusing to go to a similar thing so we did it at home

Original poster

OrmIrian · 31/01/2008 13:23

No. I don't think so. I probably didn't make it clear. He's not doing badly in terms of quality of his work - he's in the second from top group for literacy and top for maths (I think) but his enthusiasm for work, never that great, has just faded away and he's giving in scruffy and sometimes incomplete work now. And that is what the mentoring group was for (in his case anyway). It was meant to fire his enthusiasm not make him cross and resentful. But TBH most things seem to make him cross and resentful atm..... hoping it's his age....

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Wisteria · 31/01/2008 13:35

Oh I see - it's likely that the school want him there then to bring the others up to speed - he may feel 'well why should I give up my free time I'm doing ok'.

I think I would be tempted to leave it all alone if he is doing well anyway, he may just need a break, there's so much pressure on them in yr 6 and secondary school.

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