Is it worth getting a diagnosis?

[ramsamsam]

DS is in year 6 and I am a little worried he may be on the autistic spectrum (or something else I don't know about). He is very bright and sporty and goes to a good primary with 120 children in the year. However, he doesn't have any friends and although he can be very jolly at home, particularly when playing with his sister, will sometimes burst into tears about how he is all alone at school and has no friends there.

When I ask him what happens at break times he explains he doesn't like the children who swear, the ones who insult him when he plays games with them, the girls who insult him pretty much all the time and that the less sporty ones all have groups already so don't want him to be involved. There are, for example, two table tennis tables at school and he loves table tennis. But he doesn't play any more as the children insult him when he tries to. He also loves rubik's cubes but some children stole and damaged his and no one would tell him who it was. Basically, he feels completely alone.

I have continuously suggested we invite other children round from school but he always says no. Sometimes when we bump into other children they say hello to him in a jolly way but I can see him backing off and looking almost scared.

I realise I could just tell him to buck up but I can't see that helping at this point. Is there anyone professional who could help? I have no idea where to start.

Your poor son but you haven't said why you think he might be on the autistic spectrum. What do the school say about what is going on?

Nappyvalley15 When I contact his teacher, she just says she hasn't seen anything to worry about. I am not sure a child having no one to play with at break time is on their list of things to worry about.

Re: autistic spectrum. It's really the difficulty with socialising and the look he gives when other children say hello to him. He somehow hasn't learned how to rub along with other children or how he has to behave to make them like him.

Does he have friends outside of school?

I'm a teacher. I would be concerned if a y6 child was always on their own. Some children like their own company, but I'd like to think they had friends in school. I would suggest asking for a meeting with the senco for their initial advice.
I don't know where you are in the country, but round here appointments are in a huge waiting list. He'll be well into secondary before getting any diagnosis.

NCTDN Over the Summer he played cricket for the county and got on really well with some of the boys. They live miles away and he only knows them from the matches but it is a sign of hope.

But he doesn't have anyone he will see in the normal course of the year.

NCTDN Is there a private option?

Our standard assessment costs £900. Whoa! I just looked up the private option.

I would speak to the senco again and see what they say. You could also go through your GP as they should be able to refer you for an assessment. It will probably be a couple of years before you know for sure

I think you should also look for more opportunities for him to practice socialising outside of school. Will he join sports clubs? Running? Cricket? Hockey? Many existing clubs have junior sections. Or something like scouts? Etc

My son is similar. Probably on the spectrum, in a class full of alpha males he just doesn't understand. He has no friends there. But he has some friends out of school due to a music club and a family friend. It fills my heart with joy to see him socialize normally with people who are just a bit more on his wavelength. Extra curricular stuff is a godsend for us.

Think carefully about secondary too. We will choose a bigger school to give more friendship options for example.

Yes, it's worth starting to pursue possible diagnosis now as it can take so long, although this does vary hugely on where you are.

Yes I would and am pursuing a diagnosis. I find my ds can socialise well when focusing on a specific topic, hence we have enjoyed scouts and warhammer. He is now in secondary school and has found friendships and his friends are great boys, but def not typically alpha males

Talk to the SENCO. The class teacher should have him on the radar for few friends alone. At our school children like this are identified and targeted for support as soon as it is observed or noted by parents. Our school has a club at lunchtime for children similar to how you describe your son, with very subtle interventions to support building friendships and social skills. We are a large school, but so is your son's so they should have need and scope for similar.

You are your son's advocate. I'm staggered the class teacher can't see an issue, but that means you're going to have to work hard to get someone to listen. At least try to get the ball rolling before secondary. Good luck!

Obviously if you suspect, pursuing diagnosis is a logical step, but first thing you should do is contact and have a proper meeting with school and the teacher?