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Please read this and tell me if I am over reacting with pg hormones or if I am justified in my anger. I know gramamr / spelling etc needs work before sending but will do that later- just need opinions from sensible people now. Thanks

15 replies

Peachy · 29/01/2008 11:15

Hope I have removed all names etc- obv. will use those if I actually send it!

Dear N

I am e-mailing you as I have some concerns about the schooling situation with x, DOB 4.5 years ago.

A lot of the concerns are minor ones, but added up they have reached the point where neither myself nor my Husband are feeling very confident in our dealings with the school, in particular the SENCO, and we are aware that needs to be resolved as soon as possible, primarily for x's sake.

If I try to put this in chronological order it might make more sense?

Our initial dealings with SENCO in the role of SENCO were with regards to our eldest son, Son, who has a diagnosis on the spectrum. As he wasn't progressing at school, we approached SENCO with regards to a statement and extra support for him. We were told at the time that the school had applied and been told that Son was not eligible, I accepted this at first but soon realised that as parents, we would have been contacted in the process, and approached SNAP for advice. SNAP advocate L telephoned the LEA and was told that not only had no application been made, Son was not on the SEN register at that time (school denied this). Les telephoned the Head Mistress at the time Mrs S, and was told that son did not have any SEN, it was our parenting that was at fault. Mrs S was aware that the call was on speakerphone and that both my husband and myself could hear the call.

We applied for a statement ourselves, raising concerns with the school in our initial application (of which you will have a copy), and older son was awarded a statement with some 1-1 support, which has seemingly worked well so far.

At this stage we were becoming aware that x was struggling (we also have a middle son who has no SEN), and he was at nursery at that point, in the school. Nursery agreed that x had delays, and we arranged for him to be seen by a Paediatrician, aware that a family history of ASD increases the likelihood of siblings developing related disorders. At this point we thought x may well have just a minor speech disorder, as he suffered several regressions over these few years, but at the time was out of nappies etc.

We were urged not to apply for a statement until after Easter but we were aware that if X started school in September, that would possibly leave him without any support. I raised this a few times with the SENCO, who encouraged me to apply myself but did not offer any support with doing so. When x was offered less than we felt he needed, again she agreed but did not offer any help with an appeal. x was eventually awarded 16 hours; as we had already taken the decision to home educate him for a while then send him full time, we felt this may well suffice, although in reality we both strongly felt x would be more appropriately placed in a SN Unit.

The next issues raised were with regards to his nappies as he is doubly incontinent (the OT has said he is hypo sensitive to stimulus, a copy of which report you should have), a multi team meeting was held at which a school place was discussed and the nappy issue resolved as far as we were aware. We had been told with regards to the school place that only one was available, and that the school had two children in catchment who wanted it. As the Nursery had been accidentally named on his statement, the school said they were at liberty to refuse him, but eventually accepted him and gave him the place. By that point, dh and I had a very strong feeling that x was not wanted at the school because of his SEN. The school has a strong reputation amongst the SN community of poor relationships with SN children, and that had been already confirmed to us in their dealings with older son.

We were told that X would be in Ds' class, and could start part time after Christmas as we wished. This was the only class with a vacancy. We spent some significant time teaching x the name of his teacher, and prepared him for school. On several occasions we stressed to the school that our major concern was x would settle in (and we would invest money in a uniform etc), then the school would suddenly decide they could not take him after all.

The day X started school, I was told that in fact he would not be in D class: she already had enough children with SEN. he was to be placed with , a class of 30 children already, but would remain on the register for D with regards to class numbers. X still thinks his teacher is called D as once he has learned something, it is very hard for him to unlearn it. It may be the school has approval for a class of 31, but it seems a shame for the other children who do not have a 1-1 in place.

X is happy in school and keen to attend, and at first we were pleased. He has shown effects through the placement- his obsessiveness has increased massively at home, he has started having crying attacks for which we can find no cause that last up to 2 hours, and he has had a few of the absences of his toddler-hood recently, a phenomenon we thought had passed.

We were called in to school after almost 2 weeks and asked to change a nappy. We thought this had been resolved through the team meeting, and also through a large pile of paperwork on the disability discrimination act that I had given the SENCO. When I arrived however I found there were no facilities and I had to change him on the floor and take the nappy home with me. I raised concerns about this, and was taken aside by the Acting Head, who told me that the Disability Discrimination Act (and therefore I presume access to changing facilities etc), was third on her list of priorities as the previous Head had not dealt with either that, or certain parts of oher important legislation. If I wished x to have access to facilities, I had to provide a mat, which has been done. Used nappies etc were to be taken home in his bag after school. Fortunately X rarely needs a change in the afternoons, although he has come home with a very wet nappy on a few occasions.

My husband approached the LEA and was told a statement would be issued and indeed the school has agreed to change him now, however they then said there was a problem as the OT had advised them they needed 2 adults for this, and was usually teaching. My Husband spoke to Snap again and was advised this was wrong, and the SENCO agreed to draw up a letter for us to sign giving them permission to change x with one adult.

I was asked to attend a meeting on Thursday morning about this, to sign the letter. On the Monday, x and I attended the Paediatrician who advised us that a diagnosis of ASD was going to be given. She had not received all the reports from the SALT (although we gave her our copy), so couldn't immediately issue, but promised to issue a diagnosis within 10 weeks, that timescale being linked to when our new baby is due, she just needed to speak to SALT etc first, which of course was reasonable. We discussed schools with her and the nappy issue again (as she had been at the multi team meeting), and she wondered why the situation had arisen now: the school had been aware x has complex needs, and indeed had cared for him in Nursery for a year.

We reported this news of a forthcoming diagnosis to the SENCO. An agreement was reached at her request to hold a statement review as she felt x needed support re nappies and more 1 - 1. We discussed dates and we said that we would like the situation resolved as soon s possible because of the baby situation, also so x had the chance to adjust to a new routine. I explained I could attend any day except a Wednesday, as both University lectures and Midwife appointments are scheduled on that day.

When I arrived at the meeting the following Thursday, the letter had not been prepared, but instead I was advised that x wouldn't be suitable for a place at the school. The SENCO started talking to me about lack of support for x once he was in full time. She said a review had been booked for Wednesday 5th March, at a time that DH could attend as they felt his input was needed (he is often stronger in making a point than I am). I explained thatI did not want x to lose his school place entirely, I felt he benefited from the socialisation of being in school now, and I was concerned the date was so late as x was due to start full time after Easter. It was made very plain to me that a full time place was not in his statement, he was not yet 5 and that they were not be prepared to have him then. I said that I felt a SN Unit was more appropriate, and they agreed profusely: indeed the Acting Head kept repeating that I was 'very brave accepting x's needs' (which did make me feel rather uncomfortable and patronised). I asked about visiting other potential placements such as , and was told she would telephone the LEA. We also discussed the fact x would be using PEC's communication system from this week, and she said that his 1 - 1 knew PECs, but when I asked what happened if his 1 - 1 left or was sick, she wouldn't answer. She had already been offered PECs training by BIBIC, covered by their charitable status at a cost only of petrol to the school, but as far as I am aware this has not been taken up. This lack of support with communication is a huge concern to us, as it is so central to his needs and chances of development

At no point did the letter for signing, on the existence of which the meeting was called, materialise.

I was again called in to see the SENCO in the afternoon on Thursday, and told the LEA had said it was OK for me to visit units in the situation, as long as I went alone and did not say the SENCO has sent me, which seemed rather strange. It was also emphasised to me that whilst school could accommodate x in the afternoons, there was no way that they could move him forwards at all. She also told me they had telephoned the Paediatrics Secretary to try to get a diagnosis sent now, even though I had explained there was a delay of ten weeks. We had not given permission for x's records to be released (although a diagnosis could be): we prefer to read reports first then copy them to relevant people, so we know what is happening at each stage. The Secretary had refused, but SENCO NAME said she would be getting back to her the next day and would speak to us Friday. She has not yet spoken to us, despite our middle son being in her class, so having had ample opportunity.

When I arrived home and telephoned the LEA, they were unaware that the school, felt they could not cope with x, even though I had been given the strong impression that discussions were well underway regarding placement. I have however telephoned (SN Unit) and arranged to visit the unit next week, so I have a better idea of the options available for x.

The OT also visited us on Friday and raised the issue of nappies: I asked about her advising the school that they needed 2 adults, she said that on the contrary, she had told them that as a Locum she wasn't aware what the legislation was. As the OT as source of this advice has been repeated to both Dh and I on several occasions, we feel we have yet again been blatantly lied to.

We are now in a situation where we have no idea what is happening with x schooling, except that he doesn't have a place full time after Easter (or indeed ever), and that his current school clearly does not want him there. All this time however, he is continuing to settle in and as we are aware, changes can result in regression with x. As such, we strongly feel that he is being set up to fail rather than being helped. His class teacher and 1-1 seem to enjoy his company as do the other children, but he needs to receive an education in a stable placement and be able to develop lasting relationships. The other children in the class deserve an acceptable teacher - child ratio, and indeed his 1-1 deserves to know whether her current job will last- I note she was only ever employed on a temporary basis (according to the SENCO).

We also need to be able to plan as a family: if x has no school place after Easter I will need to defer the rest of my University course, rather sadly as I am due to graduate in a few months. I am fast running out of time to do this.

I feel strongly in this case that (as with my eldest son) I am being set up to make all the arrangements for x, with school feeding me ammunition but unwilling to actually state to the LEA that they cannot take him. I dare not cause too much trouble at school as my middle son is in the SENCO's class, and also I have already been approached by one Governor and criticised for the amount x is costing the school: I pointed out that the LEA funded the 1-1 via the statement but she had not been told that, only about his additional needs being those of a pre-schooler.

I would appreciate some support from the LEA in getting his all resolved as quickly as possible, so that x can be settled into an appropriate placement ASAP. I cannot see how a placement where he is so clearly unwelcome can be appropriate. Despite the meeting having been scheduled by the SENCO for a Wednesday, both I and my husband will be present, but we really feel we have left in a vortex until then, at which point I will be 36+ weeks pregnant and not needing to have all our plans thrown into disarray yet again. I know that x would be best placed in an appropriate SN Unit that can cope with his incontinence, PECs usage and general developmental delays. I know most of all however that I no longer trust the school to have my son's best interests in mind, or indeed simply be honest with us, and that is also a huge concern, although I do not doubt for a minute that the individual class teacher is caring for him well. I have rather been surprised, however, that unlike most of hsi class, we have not been sent any homework sheets, books etc for him- it's as if he is in a holding bay, rather than being encouraged to move on.

I am e-mailing in the hope and belief that the LEA needs to be aware of what is actually happening, as otherwise I feel that they will be unable to plan adequately for the meeting.

I thank you for your time,

OP posts:
hanaflower · 29/01/2008 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peachy · 29/01/2008 11:22

definitely hypo- he doesnt feel sensation very well.

Will think about bullets, thanks.

OP posts:
Fireflyfairy2 · 29/01/2008 11:35

Hi peachy,

gosh, it's great you have all the details, but don't you think it's very long for someone to have to read through?

I think it's great that your son has you to fight his corner for him, but I am concerned that whoever receives it will take one look at the sheer length & be put off reading it.

Peachy · 29/01/2008 11:37

Yes that worried me too, but I m worried that if leave bits out- which bits? Its all minor incidents so I dont want to look as if I am over reacting, iyswim- being mroe of a cumyulative thing?

Wondering I I should just RING lea for a chat (or advocate), but then i might burst into tears agin.....

help

OP posts:
squix · 29/01/2008 11:40

First of all, I don't think you are overreacting and you are justified in responding. However, I'd agree with hanaflower, that I always find snappy works best with emails. If you can, think about what the recipient can see on one screen of the PC and see if the main messages can be kept within that, tricky I know. As hf said, the rest as a timeline in an attachment.

One of the models I was taught for writing emails was OPAC.

That is - Opening - some sort of greeting,

Purpose - what are you trying to acheive with your email (so for example your statement about "I am e-mailing ....to plan adequately for the meeting" sums up your purpose nicely). Some key bullets will help here to, i think.

Action - What do you want them to do as a result of the email. (So it could be - I would appreciate a response on specific items x, y, z from you in x days / weeks) Try and make this a specific action that you want them to carry out.

Close - I thank you for your time.

Hope this helps in some way. Good luck and hope you are listened to.

squix · 29/01/2008 11:52

Hi Peachy, Have had a quick squiz through and I think your key points are

  • Unhappy about dealings with SENCO.
- Issues with X's place at school and classroom assignment
  • Support for nappy changing in school
  • 1-1 support available for x
  • You are seeking clarity about wether x has a place in school or not after the Easter term.

I may have got some of that wrong, but those seem to be the key things. To be honest, I don't think going into the minor details will help getting your message accross in the body of the email.

Stargazer · 29/01/2008 11:53

Peachy - first of all - you're doing a marvellous job. I remember just how hard it is to have to fight for the basic right of an education for your child.

So a few points - the letter is long, so as suggested breaking it into bullet points would make it easier to read. Don't worry about the length of the letter - several of my early letters to the LEA ran to 6 pages - but I made it as easy as possible for them to read. I agree with Squix about having a clear action point for them do respond to. I would certainly follow up the letter/email with a phone call (I made myself a pain, but it was the only way the LEA/school would deal with me).

The governor who approached you was being totally unprofessional and completely out of order - I'd complain!

I'm sure you will get a lot more support on here - and I wish you every success.

squix · 29/01/2008 12:05

Ohh might be worth thinking about letter rather than email if you want to keep lots of info in there. I think long things come accross better in letters rather than emails, mind you if they are anything like me the email will be printed off anyway.

Peachy · 29/01/2008 12:09

This si shorter (still long I know but vastly edited)- and asks for specific things I think. better?

Dear LEA bloke,

I am e-mailing you as I have some concerns about the schooling situation with X, so that an action plan can be drawn up and the situation resolved with minimum trauma to my son.

A lot of the concerns are minor ones, but added up they have reached the point where neither myself nor my Husband are feeling very confident in our dealings with the school, in particular the SENCO, and we are aware that needs to be resolved as soon as possible, primarily for X sake.

If you look at the statement application for our older child Samuel, you will see that we had isues with the school prior to his statement, although since receiving the statement it ahs worked well.

Through the statement process, we have been strongly of the opinion that X needed either full time 1-1 or a SN placement. However, we were first urged to delay applying at all, and when we did were not given any support from school despite their acknowledgemnt of the issues.

You are of course aware of the saga also relating to the school's wish not to provide help with nappy changes.

We were told initially that X would be in Mrs D' class, and could start part time after Christmas as we wished. This was the only class with a vacancy. We spent some significant time teaching x the name of his teacher, and prepared him for school. On several occasions we stressed to the school that our major concern wasHarry would settle in (and we would invest money in a uniform etc), then the school would suddenly decide they could not take him after all.

The day X started school, I was told that in fact he would not be in that class. He was to be placed with Miss P a class of 30 children already, but would remain on the register for the other class with regards to class numbers. It may be the school has approval for a class of 31, but it seems a shame for the other children who do not have a 1-1 in place.

X is happy in school and keen to attend, and at first we were pleased. He has shown effects through the placement- his obsessiveness has increased massively at home, he has started having crying attacks for which we can find no cause that last up to 2 hours, and he has had a few of the absences of his toddler-hood recently, a phenomenon we thought had passed.

As you know I was called in 2 weeks ago to change X. When I arrived I found there were no facilities and I had to change him on the floor and take the nappy home with me. I raised concerns about this, and was taken aside by the Acting Head, who told me that the Disability Discrimination Act (and therefore I presume access to changing facilities etc), was third on her list of priorities as the previous Head had not dealt with either that, or certain parts of other important legislation. If I wished X to have access to facilities, I had to provide a mat, which has been done.

The school has agreed to change him now, however they then said there was a problem as the OT had advised them they needed 2 adults for this, and Mrs P was usually teaching. My Husband spoke to Snap again and was advised this was wrong, and the SENCO agreed to draw up a letter for us to sign giving them permission to change x with one adult.

I was asked to attend a meeting on Thursday morning about this, to sign the letter. On the Monday, X and I attended the Paediatrician who advised us that a diagnosis of ASD was going to be given. She had not received all the reports from the SALT (although we gave her our copy), so couldn't immediately issue, but promised to issue a diagnosis within 10 weeks, that timescale being linked to when our new baby is due, she just needed to speak to SALT etc first, which of course was reasonable.

We reported this news of a forthcoming diagnosis to the SENCO. An agreement was reached at her request to hold a statement review as she felt Harry needed support re nappies and more 1 - 1. We discussed dates and we said that we would like the situation resolved as soon s possible because of the baby situation, also so Harry had the chance to adjust to a new routine. I explained I could attend any day except a Wednesday, as both University lectures and Midwife appointments are scheduled on that day.

When I arrived at the meeting the following Thursday, the letter had not been prepared, but instead I was advised that Harry wouldn't be suitable for a place at the school. The SENCO started talking to me about lack of support for full time. She said a review had been booked for Wednesday 5th March, at a time that DH could attend as they felt his input was needed . I explained thatI did not want x to lose his school place entirely, I felt he benefited from the socialisation of being in school now, and I was concerned the date was so late as Harry was due to start full time after Easter. It was made very plain to me that a full time place was not in his statement, he was not yet 5 and that they were not be prepared to have him then. I said that I felt a SN Unit was more appropriate, and they agreed profusely: indeed the Acting Head kept repeating that I was 'very brave accepting x's needs' (which did make me feel rather uncomfortable and patronised). I asked about visiting other potential placements such as Brynglas and was told she would telephone the LEA. We also discussed the fact we would be using PEC's communication system from this week, and she said that his 1 - 1 knew PECs, but when I asked what happened if his 1 - 1 left or was sick, she wouldn't answer. She had already been offered PECs training by BIBIC, covered by their charitable status at a cost only of petrol to the school, but as far as I am aware this has not been taken up. This lack of support with communication is a huge concern to us, as it is so central to his needs and chances of development

At no point did the letter for signing, on the existence of which the meeting was called, materialise.

I was again called in to see the SENCO in the afternoon on Thursday, and told the LEA had said it was OK for me to visit units in the situation, as long as I went alone and did not say the SENCO has sent me, which seemed rather strange. It was also emphasised to me that whilst school could accommodate X in the afternoons, there was no way that they could move him forwards at all. She also said she was trying to get X's Paediatric records, despite never being given our permission.

When I arrived home and telephoned you, you seemed unaware that the school, felt they could not cope with X, even though I had been given the strong impression that discussions were well underway regarding placement. I have however telephoned UNIT and arranged to visit the unit next week, so I have a better idea of the options available.

The OT also visited us on Friday and raised the issue of nappies: I asked about her advising the school that they needed 2 adults, she said that on the contrary, she had told them that as a Locum she wasn't aware what the legislation was. As the OT as source of this advice has been repeated to both Dh and I on several occasions, we feel we have yet again been blatantly lied to.

We are now in a situation where we have no idea what is happening with x schooling, except that he doesn't have a place full time after Easter (or indeed ever), and that his current school clearly does not want him there. His class teacher and 1-1 seem to enjoy his company as do the other children, but he needs to receive an education in a stable placement and be able to develop lasting relationships. The other children in the class deserve an acceptable teacher - child ratio, and indeed his 1-1 deserves to know whether her current job will last- I note she was only ever employed on a temporary basis (according to the SENCO).

We also need to be able to plan as a family: if x has no school place after Easter I will need to defer the rest of my University course, rather sadly as I am due to graduate in a few months. I am fast running out of time to do this.

I feel strongly in this case that I dare not raise all these issues at school as my middle son is in the SENCO's class, and also I have already been approached by one Governor and criticised for the amount X is costing the school: I pointed out that the LEA funded the 1-1 via the statement but she had not been told that, only about his additional needs being those of a pre-schooler.

I would appreciate some support from the LEA in getting his all resolved as quickly as possible, so that x can be settled into an appropriate placement ASAP. I cannot see how a placement where he is so clearly unwelcome can be appropriate. I do not doubt for a minute that the individual class teacher is caring for him well. I have rather been surprised, however, that unlike most of hsi class, we have not been sent any homework sheets, books etc for him- it's as if he is in a holding bay, rather than being encouraged to move on.

I am e-mailing in the belief that the LEA needs to be aware of what is actually happening, as otherwise I feel that they will be unable to plan adequately for the meeting. I would appreciate a reply within the next week with some ideas of ways to move forwards and resolve these issues in a way that causes X minimum stress.

With thanks

Mrs Peachy

OP posts:
hanaflower · 29/01/2008 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 29/01/2008 13:24

" would appreciate some support from the LEA in getting this all resolved as quickly as possible, so that x can be settled into an appropriate placement ASAP. I cannot see how a placement where he is so clearly unwelcome can be appropriate. I do not doubt for a minute that the individual class teacher is caring for him well. I have rather been surprised, however, that unlike most of hsi (his) class, we have not been sent any homework sheets, books etc for him- it's as if he is in a holding bay, rather than being encouraged to move on."

This has a couple of typos I noticed - but am sure you will sort them.

The email is long, yes but it does read well and isn't all babbling/waffle - they are paragraphs that get quickly to the point.

I think you have done a good job with it

branflake81 · 29/01/2008 14:44

Far, far too long.

They'll just skim read it.

Just be succinct, outline the main points in a couple of paragraphs then ask for a meeting to discuss, then you can bring up the finer points.

NKF · 29/01/2008 14:48

It's too long.

critterjitter · 29/01/2008 19:21

Needs to be shorter or more easy to access. Its an awful lot of info for one person to take in.

If you decide to keep the length and detail, I would give a title to each paragraph to enable the reader to differentiate between them when referring back to it. Then follow up each paragraph with a 'required action' line eg:

Nappies
text text text text text text text text text text text text text
text text text text text text text text text text text text text
text text text text text text text text text text text text text
Required action: The school to consider changing the nappies.

I would also introduce the topics/ areas you are going to discuss (in the letter) in the 2nd paragraph eg.

Dear XYZ

I hope you are well.

I am e-mailing you as I have some concerns about the schooling situation with x, DOB 4.5 years ago. These concerns are: nappies, attitude of staff, etc, etc., and I have outlined them in more detail below.

I hope this helps!

twocutedarlings · 29/01/2008 21:28

I think its brill Peachy, leave it as it is !! Ive just sat and read it and its taken my all of 5 mins, why shouldnt the bloody LEA bloke take 5 minutes of his time to read it. I thinks its far better for him to get the full picture, tbh

Im not sure how you could cut it down ?? all your points are totally relavent.

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