Would you agree with me on this or am I being "one of THOSE mums"?

[MrsSnape]

My ds (almost 7) has a few behavioural problems, he's not a nasty or bullying child but he's extremely silly, is always being told off for messing around, shouting out, not sitting still, disrupting the class etc...he gets moved around in assembly to keep him away from his friends otherwise he disrupts the school assembly making faces at people and making the others laugh.

His teacher says he simply cannot sit with his friends IN class because he wouldn't get any work done and neither would his friends so he either has to sit by himself or sit in the corridoor.

For a while she was awarding him special slips at the end of each day if he'd been good and he enjoyed that but it stopped after a while.

Anyway, the school has this system where every monday...two children from each class are awarded a headteachers award in assembly in front of the school and parents. The teachers try and rotate these awards around the class so that each child gets a turn...even if its for something like "arriving to school on time every morning" or "always sitting smartly" etc.

My son however has NEVER recieved one. A few days ago a child came out of school and informed his mum that "jake" (a well known bully, attacks teachers, runs away from school, general little hellraiser!) had again been attacking children and pushing him around. His mum just tutted and left with her son. Anyway, a few minutes later "Jake" came strutting out of school with a head teachers award for "trying hard".

I dont normally pay attention to what the other kids achieve but this annoys me when my son is nowhere near as naughty at school at this boy and has routinely been kicked, punched and "strangled" by him yet he gets an award but the teacher seems unable to find anything to award my son for.

So, open night is coming up and I was going to ask the teacher why my son has never had an award and complain about him never having any positive feedback, even when she has told me that he has done lovely work here and there.

Do I? or keep my gob shut? lol

You must say something - I would have said something by now but I do have moments of being 'one of those mums'
I have a similar gripe. A friend's son has behavioural problems and tends to get extra housepoints, stickers and reward vouchers just for getting through the day without any incident. My ds gets really disheartened because he works very hard and hasn't received as many rewards and this other child tends to brag about extra rewards.
I have been there on both fronts as my eldest ds who has Aspergers used to get extra rewards for just sitting still for 5 minutes. I do think schools should set the rewards realistically.

No, say something, every child, every single child should get a reward at some point. I had to do a similar thing last year.

Yes, you probably are being one of 'those' mums - just as I am. We have the same situation - my boys try really hard and do get rewarded with stickers throughout the term, but never the Headteachers Award. They seem to go to the children who don't try as hard, which is a shame as I think it gives a negative message to those who do.

Yes I'm a precious first, second, third and fourth-time mum.

Say something.

Hmmmm, from the otehr side I would say ds1 gets extra stickers 9never awards) for sitting still etc because for him that is as real an achievement as maybe a grade a is for another child (he ahs a diagnosed case of ASD though so perhaps different- there are certainly some naughty kids who seem to get away with anything).

Have you rasied the bullying with school? Just a thought, but do they actually know how Jake behaves?

It depends how you approach the teacher about it. If you storm in, demanding to know why your DS hasn't been given one and why Jake has then Yes, you probably would be one of THOSE mums.

If you enquire politely as to if/ when your DS is likely to get one and if there is anything that you can do to help then no, you are being perfectly reasonable. You can say, you know he has difficulty with being silly & disruptive (and lots of boys do) but you are wondering if there is anything he is particularly good at?

FWIW, when I was teaching, I kept a record of who had been given those types of awards and for what. I only gave them out when they were deserved (be it for amazing work, great effort, being really kind and considerate or for some other achievement) but made sure that everybody got one. It was obvious in some classes that children like 'Jake' often got them for trying and other children never got them.

I was one of those mums today - last week ds had been sent to see the head for a special sticker for his colouring (he's in Reception, btw!) but the head was out on a trip. So poor ds, who had been so proud and excited about this, never got sent back when the head was in school. So today I wrote a note to the class teacher reminding her of the promised treat - and ds came out of school today absolutely beside himself with excitement because he'd been to see the head. Definitely worth making a tiny fuss for, I think!

I did mention "Jake's" bullying to his last teacher and she said "oh yes, "jake" does have a bit of a temper...sometimes you only need to look at him the wrong way and you get a smack...its best just to keep away from him really..."

Well either you need to rasie jakes bullying again because the teacher is dealing with it inappropriately or there is some issue that you dont know about (kid who was / is bullying ds1 turned out to be gping through hell at home but teacher wasnt at iberty to tell us this- fortyunately kid did. I eman, full SS almost removed him Hell, not just a blip )

but you won't know unless you ask

I think it would be entirely reasonable for you to say "Horace hasn't ever had a headteacher's reward, and I really think it would help his behaviour if he could win one - he's feeling rather despondent about things. Could you maybe think of some pretext?"

Of course you'll be embarrassed if it turns out he's had three and forgot to tell you...

I think you have every right to ask why your DS has not received this award.

I do however think you are wrong to be making the assumptions and comments you have about 'Jake'.

You don't know what Jakes problems/special needs are? You are saying that this child does not deserve the award!! Unless you spend all day in the class room, and know the full circumstances surrounding his challenging behaviour how can you possibly say this!! If this boy deserves an award is the teachers decision to make, not another childs parent on the basis of playground speculation!!

By all means challenge the reason your son hasn't had the award - but I think you should leave Jake out of it - or you will definitelty look like one of 'those' mums.

Horace