In your op you said ?I am just wondering if I am too relaxed and should start drumming things into him, however the times I have tried I normally get the opposite effect as he refuses to do things.?. It sounds as if he doesn?t like to be told what to do and when to do it, and perhaps this is a large part of the problem? Fact is, children do need to learn to follow instructions, and this is even more important in school, because if you had a class of 30 children who all refused to do as they were asked/told the children would never learn anything and the classroom would just be chaos.
Wrt him being moved down to the children with learning difficulties, who was it that told you he?s been put with the children with learning difficulties? Because if a teacher has told you that then she needs to justify it, but if he has told you that where has he got the idea from that the other children in his group have learning difficulties?
In my ds? school the children are divided into groups, partly based on their ability, there is one group where there are all very bright children, and one group that has children who find it much harder to concentrate/grasp things/communicate and some who have very little attention span, I would never describe any of them as having learning difficulties, but some definitely need more help than the children who are considered to be very bright. I help out in class once a week, I have worked with both groups, and the difference between them is striking.
The reason why the children are divided up like this is so that the children who find it harder, either on a social/emotional or an academic level can get more individual support and are not left feeling inadequate by the children who find it easier, and also so that the children who do find it easy to learn are able to do that at their own pace as well. You?ll find that they probably do do lots of carpet time and obviously at play times the children will all play together.
I think most children do go through a hating school phase. It?s a big change from being at home with mummy or going to preschool to suddenly going into school full-time with 30 other children and only two adults thus meaning that you don?t get the one-to-one attention you?ve been used to in the past, but if he?s coming home full of what he?s learned at school then I?d imagine he doesn?t actually hate school that much but that he?s maybe frustrated/lacking in confidence and that when he?s said he hates school this has provoked a reaction from you so he will continue to say that he hates it, iyswim?
How has your ds been at making friends in the past? Not having made any friends in 4 months would concern me, as children at that age tend to make friends very easily, and children are often eager to make friends with newer children on the block, example of this being that when a new child started in ds? class two weeks ago, two boys were arguing over who got to sit next to him, and there were cries of ?but I had him first!? .
It really is possible for a child to behave one way in school and one way at home, I have seen this for myself with children who do not communicate at all in class, and who are totally different children when I?ve seen them out in the street/the shops.
I would arrange a meeting with the teacher, and get your dh/dp to go along as well. And I would try to get her on side, be open to what she has to say rather than being defensive about it. She will most likely genuinely have your ds? best interests at heart, and if he is really struggling she will need your support to be able to help him. But if you are both pulling in opposite directions you?re not going to get anywhere, and your ds is going to continue to find it difficult.
And if he is struggling it?s not a criticism, or a failing, some children just find certain things harder than other children, but invariably they all catch up, some just need a little more support than others.
Good luck x