Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Suspected abuse

34 replies

Lelb1982 · 27/10/2022 00:31

Hi I'm a mum to a happy and bright 6 year old who has just started P2 after the summer holidays.
Today she told me something that horrified me. She was in class and 2 boys in her class put their hands between her legs and touched her. She was wearing leggings so no skin to skin contact was made. She told me it felt "weird" and she told them to stop but they didn't and laughed. They stopped when another teacher came over but my daughter didn't tell anyone as she was embarrassed.
I have emailed her teacher about it and I will definitely be talking to the school and headteacher. No way will I allow my daughter to be mistreated or harassed in any way. Yes I am aware we are talking about 6 year old boys who probably do not know any better but that still does not excuse the behaviour.
Can anyone reccomend anything else to be done? I believe my daughter and have absolutely no reason to think she would make anything like this up. My husband is devastated as this is a horrifying thing to hear.

Help!

Thank you

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 27/10/2022 00:40

I’m so sorry that your daughter has experienced something so horrible. Straight to the school’s safeguard lead with this. 💐

Pallisers · 27/10/2022 01:24

straight to safeguarding and don't take any "ah I'm sure it was just playing". Insist that it is properly investigated. It doesn't sound like just playing to me. They wouldn't stop when she said to but did when the teacher arrived. You have no idea what is going on in those boy's homes.

My dd was abused in school by another pupil when she was a little older than that - possibly started like that but went on from there. She didn't tell me. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life that I didn't know. You are lucky your daughter told you - well done. Don't let it go.

prh47bridge · 27/10/2022 09:42

Definitely a safeguarding issue. It may be nothing, but it could be an indicator that one or both of the boys is being abused in some way.

inthewest · 27/10/2022 14:45

Definitely report it to the school and make sure you follow up. We had an incident in our year group last year where a child touched another inappropriately in the loo. We took it VERY seriously and every school should. Social services became involved as many times this happens at such a young age, the perpetrator is a victim themselves. It's normal for children to be curious about others, but taking it to the level that they did, it raises red flags what is going on in these boys homes.

The school should meet with you, and speak to the other children's parents. I would also expect the school to spend the next few weeks focussing on PSHE lessons such as the pants rule, and private parts as well as what to do when someone is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable. I would also expect the school to have a plan in place to these children must have measures in place when the children in question go to the loo, etc.

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. Well done to your daughter for telling you, that could not have been an easy thing to share.

winetime123 · 31/10/2022 11:29

Completely agree with Pallisers and so sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this. It's amazing that she has come forward straight away and absolutely should be taken extremely seriously. I hope that the children who were involved are not being mistreated themselves, it is such a worry but unfortunately you do need to wonder how these kids got the idea to do this. It's wrong on all levels.

MardyBumm · 31/10/2022 18:04

Hopefully the school will take this extremely seriously. In my school, any sort of touching of private areas or upskirting is an instant internal exclusion, even in KS1 and is also taken up by the safeguarding team. We then teach the pants rule again to the whole class. Ofsted take harassment extremy seriously now and schools are expected to take action when incidents like this occur regardless of age. I'm sure you will do anyway but follow it up and ensure the school gives a serious consequence for this whilst also ensuring they educate these boys as to why it was wrong. It's good your daughter was able to come and talk to you about this but awful she had to experience it.

beonmywaythen · 31/10/2022 18:33

This has to be taken seriously for your daughter and for those boys to learn it's not ok to do this. Agreed don't let it go as it's much easier for them to dismiss than to actually deal with it.

StopStartStop · 31/10/2022 19:05

Take it very seriously and don't send her back until the boys have had an exclusion - out of school and minimum three days. Everyone has to know they've done wrong, no covering it up.

Don't let me near them. Just reading about it makes me so angry.

At a little older than your dd two older boys got me alone and demanded I take my knickers down. I didn't, I ran away. But I can remember the horror now, around 55 years later.

3487642l · 31/10/2022 19:12

Reach out to a child service or sexual abuse support to get support for yourself and some good advice on how to help your daughter, as how you handle it and what you say to her about it will make all the difference as to how this experience shapes her.

Pretty sure 6 years old is old enough to know you don't touch other people's private parts and stop touching another person when they tell you to stop. Very concerning.

MadameDe · 31/10/2022 19:14

I think the important thing is that she told you.

It's definitely a safeguarding issue. It could be that the boys didn't understand what they did but it definitely needs to be investigated.

bobisbored · 31/10/2022 19:29

StopStartStop · 31/10/2022 19:05

Take it very seriously and don't send her back until the boys have had an exclusion - out of school and minimum three days. Everyone has to know they've done wrong, no covering it up.

Don't let me near them. Just reading about it makes me so angry.

At a little older than your dd two older boys got me alone and demanded I take my knickers down. I didn't, I ran away. But I can remember the horror now, around 55 years later.

You can't expect the school to externally exclude these boys for 3 days! That's ridiculous!

I agree that it needs reporting and taking seriously.
OP I hope your daughter is ok.

Nectarines · 31/10/2022 20:45

Yes I would definitely expect there to be robust action from school on this. I’d expect them to fully investigate and to follow their policy on safeguarding. In my school it would be a referral.

StopStartStop · 01/11/2022 08:10

bobisbored · 31/10/2022 19:29

You can't expect the school to externally exclude these boys for 3 days! That's ridiculous!

I agree that it needs reporting and taking seriously.
OP I hope your daughter is ok.

Show quote history

I certainly can and I would require it.
This is something that needs to be seen to be addressed - the neighbours should know these boys have done something that makes them unacceptable in the classroom.

deliverooyoutoo · 01/11/2022 08:10

Report it to the school.

BlueChampagne · 01/11/2022 11:14

Also check out the school's safeguarding policy (should be on the website).

Unexpectedbaby · 01/11/2022 11:24

@bobisbored if not suspension out of school what would you expect a suitable response for the boys to be? Outside of obvious investigation?

prh47bridge · 01/11/2022 18:37

StopStartStop · 01/11/2022 08:10

I certainly can and I would require it.
This is something that needs to be seen to be addressed - the neighbours should know these boys have done something that makes them unacceptable in the classroom.

Show quote history

You can require it all you like. It isn't your decision. It is up to the school. And, as I said up thread, their actions suggest that one or both of the boys may be a victim of abuse. Excluding them isn't going to help that and may put them in danger.

Exclusion may be the right response, but it may not.

Albgo · 01/11/2022 18:43

@StopStartStop & @Unexpectedbaby

These are very young children. They're 6. They don't need punishing or excluding. They need support.

Children don't typically behave in such an overtly sexualised manner. The fact that these little boys have suggests that something is going very wrong for them - and I'm worried they are experiencing some kind of sexual abuse themselves.

I'm not saying their behaviour doesn't need addressing, of course it does. But not in the draconian way you are advocating.

Pinkflipflop85 · 01/11/2022 18:46

StopStartStop · 01/11/2022 08:10

I certainly can and I would require it.
This is something that needs to be seen to be addressed - the neighbours should know these boys have done something that makes them unacceptable in the classroom.

Show quote history

You could demand an exclusion all you like.

It won't make the school do it.

StopStartStop · 01/11/2022 18:46

Six is quite old enough to know not to touch anyone's private parts but their own. They need punishment, not comforting. Certainly, investigate their home background, but bear in mind that it's a little girl who has actually been abused here.

Pumperthepumper · 01/11/2022 18:47

I hate threads like this because the advice is always ridiculous. You can (and definitely should) contact the safeguarding lead. You can’t demand anything at all in relation to the boys. You could ask if your daughter could change class (unlikely but you can ask). That’s about it.

Albgo · 01/11/2022 18:48

@StopStartStop I can only hope you don't work in a school or in child safeguarding. You're clueless.

deliverooyoutoo · 01/11/2022 18:49

StopStartStop · 01/11/2022 18:46

Six is quite old enough to know not to touch anyone's private parts but their own. They need punishment, not comforting. Certainly, investigate their home background, but bear in mind that it's a little girl who has actually been abused here.

Wow.

AlmostOver22 · 01/11/2022 18:51

@Albgo agreed… what @StopStartStop is suggesting is an ill informed knee jerk reaction. There are two aims here: protect and support the victim and prevent the boys from further unwanted behaviour. the latter is just as serious and vital as the former. Punishment won’t achieve that.

bobisbored · 01/11/2022 18:51

Unexpectedbaby · 01/11/2022 11:24

@bobisbored if not suspension out of school what would you expect a suitable response for the boys to be? Outside of obvious investigation?

I would imagine, taking into consideration the age of the boys involved, there would be a discussion about what is appropriate and inappropriate touching. I've worked in primary schools for almost 10 years and none of the schools I've worked in would punish kids for this, rather make sure they know it's wrong and check that nothing untoward is happening to them at home.

Peer on peer abuse is now part of the statutory schools safeguarding training so I would hope it would be dealt with sensitively and appropriately.