Should I ask for DC to be extended, or not?

[flack]

Parents' evening coming up...

DS (y3) says he wants harder school work. He doesn't act up in class out of boredom, though (and one of his clever mates very clearly does). Not sure DS knows what's good for him, though. Not a self-disciplined personality, either, I struggle to get him to do homework at all.

DD (y1) seems to be excelling so much I wonder if she is working well below her potential. Then again, she is happiest when working firmly in her comfort zone. It's essential that she feels confident about what she is doing.

Both children already in (I think) "top" classroom groups for literacy and maths, anyway. So could teachers easily extend them? Assuming I get only positives from the parents' evening, do I simply smile and say "That's good to hear", or do I say "I'm pleased, but in that case do you think they would benefit from being extended a bit more?"

I think it would be entirely reasonable to raise the issue, listen to what the teacher says then decide whether you want to press the point.

My DS was similar to yours, very bright but always behaved in class, while other bright kids didn't.
He was slightly different as he is probably dyslexic so in a lower literacy group. However his comprehension skills have always been very good. He came home asking for harder work.
I went to see his teacher with DS so he could tell her himself.
She said he wasn't getting everything right, but she said she was happy for him to do the harder work sheets if he wanted to. She was very understanding with him.
I don't think it would do any harm asking, but make it clear that it is your ds wanting harder work, not you being pushy.

I don't want to be pushy parent. Or even seen as PP.
And I really don't want to rock the boat; They're doing well now, don't fix what ain't broken. If we challenged DD too much she could lose confidence and that would be a disaster.
Hmmm....

Why the view that, when dealing with your children's teachers, you must not appear to be pushy, but willing to accept whatever you are given? When else in life would you behave like that?

And surely it would be good for your daughter to find that there are some things in the world that are difficult, and to work out how to deal with them? Why should everything be kept easy to help children's self-esteem? It'll only be a terrible shock when they leave school if they've had no experience of dealing with harder problems.

Oh, DD finds plenty of things difficult, Hallgerda, I'm just glad school isn't one of them!
I'm more of a consensus builder type of person, just not a forceful pushy type. Actually someone was trying to tell me off for something this afternoon (long story) and I argued back -- even though I'm sure I was in the right, now I am the one who feels enormously upset about the whole incident. Some of us just aren't cut out to be assertive!

Anyway, I am coming around to thinking I will just ask the teachers if they reckon DC are being extended enough.

I really don't think you are a pushy parent, flack. Nor, I'm sure, would any halfway reasonable teacher. It's clear that you are asking sensible questions about the future direction of your children's education, not trying to turn them into super-geniuses that you can boast about.

There is plenty that teachers can do to extend children - put in a few slightly more challenging maths questions, higher expectations over writing for example - that would not greatly over-extend the teacher's workload.

Consensus building's not a bad thing if you can get the consensus built in a place of your convenience . Your suggested question sounds good - you could go on to talk around what could be done in an exploratory, non-aggressive way.

About the incident, do remember that most people who attempt to "tell off" grown women are either nutters or on a power trip or both.

Seems a perfectly reasonable question to ask.