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Primary education

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Original poster

My child is getting bullied by teachers

34 replies

Kidsaregrim · 14/10/2022 20:54

There was a really minor issue with the teacher and I went to speak to her about it and she was horrendously rude to me.

since that point my daughter has been pulled out of class for various minor reasons and this has escalated to being pulled out of the class by the head and being told that she is a snitch and no one likes a snitch.

I have never had one bad report of my child, never had a phone call home, never had another parent approach me - so I can only conclude that since this chat they have decided that she is paying for my chat with the teacher

I know there are instances when children lie, exaggerate etc but this is not the case. She has come home tonight so distressed, she is year 6 so not a baby.

any advice on how I can move forward?

OP posts:
cansu · 14/10/2022 21:47

The language you use here tell me all I need to know. There is absolutely no way that your child has been called a snitch by the teacher or the head. Your daughter has been pulled out of class for 'minor reasons'. Like what?

focuspocus · 14/10/2022 22:05

@cansu this is how people get away with abuse. As with any profession there will always be teachers who probably shouldn't even be around children. My kids have been lucky and so far had lovely teachers but I've spoken to them about the possibility of having horrible ones and having their backs because I had two teachers who were bullies.

OP I don't know if these would be any help.

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/bullying/bullying-at-school/being-bullied-by-a-teacher

kidscape.org.uk/advice/advice-for-parents-and-carers/talking-to-schools-about-bullying/bullied-by-a-teacher/

www.betterhelp.com/advice/bullying/what-to-do-when-teachers-bully-students-in-school/

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 14/10/2022 22:07

My kids were bullied by teachers. In a picture perfect village primary school. I only found out later and it has damaged my DD for life. Trust your gut. I'm not sure what you can do but don't do nothing.

Mossstitch · 14/10/2022 22:26

One of mine was bullied by a teacher for months before I found out, he actually developed asthma and anxiety. The day I found out I pulled him from the school. He came out after the first day in his new school like a different child, smiling, chatty, lovely teacher who sang his praises and made him relax. The asthma disappeared. To this day I don't understand why that particular teacher took a dislike to him because of all my boys he was the easiest, sweetest and well behaved but it was more important to get him out of the situation than find out why.

BCBird · 14/10/2022 22:26

As a teacher you have got better things to do thsn discipline pupils who have not done anything wrong. The concern is that your child is upset. Your child needs to.look forward to and enjoy school. Could you voice your concerns to someone at the school do some investigation. You can then work.together to resolve this difficulty.

mrsjimhopper · 14/10/2022 22:31

What was the "the chat" that you had with the teacher that you feel you has resulted in you daughter being bullied?

Very stressful for you OP.

Evira · 14/10/2022 22:32

The school’s complaints and concerns policy will the on their website. Follow it.

Usually, step 1 is talk to class teacher, step 2 headteacher, step 3 chair of governors or trust if it is an academy.
If you are complaining about the HT you can go straight to step 3.

As this safeguarding you can contact OFSTED even though you may not have followed steps 1-3. Ofsted will however refer this via the LA back to the school for a response.

AngelicaElizaAndPeggy · 14/10/2022 22:39

I've never once met an educational professional who would speak like this to a child. I agree with previous posters - you need to support your child first here. However, you need to find out what has actually been said and in what context. Contact the school and ask for another meeting - the way to solve this will be through constructive dialogue and transparent communication.

Original poster
Kidsaregrim · 14/10/2022 22:42

There is a lot of information that I could give but it is so outing it would be identifying.

the chat we had was something massively minor and the first time I have ever spoken to this teacher, think along the lines of missing PE kit! It wasn’t an all guns blazing sort of conversation but she was so rude, I wasn’t prepared for it!

I wish I could list everything so I don’t look like a complete moron but I can’t as they are so specific!

the snitch comment is the most minor of things that have happened. I’m stuck as I know you guys NEED more information but I just can’t!

I have got their complaints procedure and I have applied for a different school tonight, I have not confronted them or gone on any defensive.

my question is, do I complain and have to trust them for the next 9 months or do I just apply for different school? By the first comment on here I’m already thinking she won’t be believed.

thank you to the posters who have provided links and I’m sorry to hear the stories of your little ones

OP posts:
CoastalWave · 14/10/2022 22:42

My son was bullied. We've moved schools. His pains have disappeared and he now says he had them because he was 'stressed'. Head gaslighted me on numerous occasions. Teacher is still teaching.

I want to put in a formal complaint but haven't the energy to deal with the fallout.

CoastalWave · 14/10/2022 22:44

Cross posted with your update.

Ring round new schools. Go and visit. Just get out. I decided on the Weds I was done and by the following Monday we were in a new school.

My only regret is that I stayed put for 9 months trying to sort it out to no avail just getting more and more gaslighted and stressed and my child's mental health was at rock bottom. Kids will always make new friends quickly.

CoastalWave · 14/10/2022 22:46

cansu · 14/10/2022 21:47

The language you use here tell me all I need to know. There is absolutely no way that your child has been called a snitch by the teacher or the head. Your daughter has been pulled out of class for 'minor reasons'. Like what?

Absolutely no way? Seriously??

My child's teacher said worse - to my face. When I'd picked my jaw up off the floor and contested what they said, they denied it and said I was imagining things.

FrippEnos · 14/10/2022 23:08

Given that the head appears to be part of the bullying (even indirectly) and that you have approached them
The next port of call for complaining would be the chair of governors.

Who to complain to after that should be on the website.

In your position I would be looking for a new school, there is far too much of the year left for this to be left as is, and any complaint (even if found in your favour) would IMO take too long and have a detrimental effect on your DD.

but do not pull your DD off the LA's role as this removes their responsibility to educate your child.

Winceybincey · 14/10/2022 23:09

I’ve come across teachers like this, they do exist! I’d start the complaint process now and I would move her. 9 months is a long time for a child and the damage that can be done by ‘trusted adults’ in that time is immeasurable.

Original poster
Kidsaregrim · 14/10/2022 23:10

@CoastalWave im wondering if this is the same school. They have denied this conversation happened and said that they have several members of staff witness the conversation. We were in a completely empty playground!

I have NEVER encountered anything like this before.

OP posts:
iamjustwinginglife · 14/10/2022 23:21

Apply for another school. You've lost trust in this school and whether what your child says is true or not, you might as well move them.

focuspocus · 15/10/2022 07:12

AngelicaElizaAndPeggy · 14/10/2022 22:39

I've never once met an educational professional who would speak like this to a child. I agree with previous posters - you need to support your child first here. However, you need to find out what has actually been said and in what context. Contact the school and ask for another meeting - the way to solve this will be through constructive dialogue and transparent communication.

I have met educational professionals who would speak like this to a child. You shouldn't be dismissive of something just because you haven't seen it with your own eyes. Teachers are people, some of them will be wonderful people and teachers, some of them will be okay and some will be awful human beings same as in any other line of work / life. Some teachers are just simply older bigger versions of child bullies who pick on kids because they can. They enjoy belittling and humiliating kids sometimes with no witnesses and sometimes with. My teacher was dumb enough to do it too much in class and be called out by the other kids. Those kids had nothing to do with me usually.

TeenDivided · 15/10/2022 07:16

Just apply for another school, your trust has broken down.
Unless your secondary school place depends on your DD being at that school via a formal linked schools system. In which case ask the LA what's the earliest you can move from the school and not have the secondary school impacted. (might be application closure date on 31 Oct).

NewtoHolland · 15/10/2022 07:19

I would be speaking to the local education authority and Ofsted. But if I genuinely believed that my child had been told not to snitch by a teacher I would take them out of school, if it happened it's a completely unsafe culture at that school.

NewtoHolland · 15/10/2022 07:20

Also do you speak to any other parents? Because it's more likely to be taken seriously by Ofsted and the LEA of there are a few of you who can evidence this.

Naimee87 · 15/10/2022 07:28

Very similar case here with my DS! Awful teacher. I posted on another thread about the teacher basically harassing me with msgs/phone calls on a daily basis. My DS was constantly blamed for everything and never allowed to tell his version of events. Nothing he ever did met the teachers standards. He was sent out of the class or to the head for behaviour that when other kids behaved in the same way the teacher would let it slide. We had to wait it out which was awful for the both of us. Luckily DS is now in secondary school and things couldn’t be better. He’s calmer/happier and a massive weight is off both our shoulders. I am in regular contact with his new teachers but in no way is it obsessive or constant. I do hope moving schools is an option.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 15/10/2022 08:56

My daughter was bullied by teachers. She didn't fit their idea of what she should be. It has scarred her for life. She has been dx with ADHD and PTSD as an adult.

drkpl · 15/10/2022 09:06

I was bullied by a teacher at primary school and told similar things. Every day was awful, filled with put-downs and insults. I was 8. She told me I’d never amount to anything because I didn’t do well on my times tables (i bumped into a girl I went to school with not long ago and she brought it up, I honestly thought maybe I’d made that comment up in my head). I frequently used to ask to go to the toilet, but really I was going to cry. It was the worst time of my childhood- I remember it well because it was so traumatic. This was a well achieving school filled with mostly middle class kids. She took a liking to all the ‘doctor’s children’ and hated the rest of us, and made it known. I’m 25 so although it was a while ago, I believe your daughter op. I can and does happen.

J0y · 15/10/2022 09:08

Complain through the proper channels OP.

I know it was years ago but I was mocked and sneered at by teachers, I moved from a comp to a private school (as they're called in Ireland). I had teachers give me anti-smoking leaflets when I didn't smoke, say they were surprised I didn't have an xxxxx accent, I was put into the bottom stream for every subject and when I defended myself I was told to behave. So the naivety of the second poster on this thread is ridiculous. Teachers are just people. Very ordinary people at that. They're not psychotherapists with decades of self-reflection under their belt. Why on earth some people are so quick to believe that teachers never have favourites, never behave unfairly, never take a dislike to a certain child, it astounds me. Of course they do. It's not as bad as it was because there is regulation and complaints procedures but it still happens. I've seen it with my children.

Isaidnoalready · 15/10/2022 09:17

DD was bullied at secondary school by a teacher I went in to talk about an incident I was told that I was a fantasist and had clearly taught my daughter well I gave them a copy of an email the school sent me detailing the incident I was then told that it was clearly a mistake and my pregnancy hormones were clouding my judgment.....new school within a week I was demanded in for a meeting with the old school I stated I didn't need an exit interview we were leaving they then had a stream of other children leave they kept the original bully and the enabling teacher dd thrived elsewhere