Being 2nd priority contact at school.

[Rich1981]

Hello I'm a dad of 8yo boy. He is in year 3 . Since couple of years he stays with me 6 days per week because he chose to. I wanted to change details at school to be 1st contact but I was told that I can't. Because my ex applied for school when my son was very young it has to stay this way now. I explained to them that he lives with me but It got me nowhere. Today there was parents evening slots to book for next week. I waited on the app to book the very first slot. I did it. Then few minutes after I got email that because my ex is prior I need to book different slot. I think it's unfair, she only takes him once a week, I do all homework etc yet getting second class citizen treatment. Any advice?

That's a difficult one. Is your child registered as living with you the most - with child benefit and tax credits etc? Only if you've got evidence of this, then the school should take note of your being the primary parent.

That's absolutely nuts OP

I work in a school and we absolutely would change contact priority in this circumstance

If you have some proof that he lives with you most of the time - you pick him up from school, a CMS claim from your ex, court order, child benefit...whatever.

Who did you speak to? If it was reception staff they often mean well but I would ask to speak to your child's head of year. It's not strictly their job to deal with student records but if admin are being obstructive you need someone with a bit more authority.

Because my ex applied for school when my son was very young it has to stay this way now.

This isn't true. In fact, the school should be asking all parents to review the details that the school holds for them annually. You absolutely can change the priority contact details. In fact, if you were still together and wanted to switch it, it would be done instantly.

However, you may need something to evidence the current arrangement and establish yourself as the resident parent before the school will approve the change. As stupid as it sounds in this day and age, there may also be a little bit of "1st contact = mum" bias as this is something I've seen in schools before, particularly with longer-serving school office staff.

@MintChocCornetto i have nothing as I didn't apply for child benefit yet. She still claims everything even though he is with me. The reason why I wanted school to change 1st contact is incase HMRC gets stupid with me about petty stuff like that. I spoke to people on here and they said that child benefit people didn't cause problems regarding school, when their kid moved in with the other parent.

@Iamnotthe1 nothing apart from agreement with my ex. I spoke to lawyer in June and I was told that there's no need to go court if there's no disagreements between ex. No need to start problems lawyer said. Yes u right school staff has no clue sometimes what they talking about. Should I chase them to change this or just leave it?

Chase them and if they won't change it then ask to speak with someone senior.

@TheArtfulStodger hi . My ex is going for flat viewing 2 bedroom since she is still claiming benefits for my son even though he lives with me. Apparently it's not far from where she is currently. Can she change school if anything without any permission?

Surely you need to discuss this with your ex. If he is living with you the majority of the time then thing such as child benefit, GP registration and home address with school should reflect where he actually lives. However, perhaps there will be implications for benefits / housing if you do this so she maybe reluctant or may then want him to move back in with her.

@LadyLapsang he is with me since 2 years now. There's no way any judge would disrupt his routine after I applied for assistance which am entitled to for me and my child. After all this time it would have been clear that she has only interest in getting government profits not the child. And if she tried to change any routine by herself, this also wouldn't work. School knows she only picks him up once per week. She tried twice last year but only ended with egg on her face because my son didn't want to go,so I simply took him by his hand and walked away leaving her standing in the middle looking like a fool. So she didn't try this ever since.