Refusing to go to reception every morning.

BzzBzz · 2022-09-20T08:10:19+00:00

Hi my son started reception recently and the first week was fine but now he cries as he is getting dressed in the morning saying he will miss me as he is trying to catch his breath from crying so much. He was at nursery for a year before this and was fine up until the last few months where he was crying like he is now every morning. The teacher takes him off my in the morning and as soon as he gets in he is fine they say. But I just hate seeing him being so upset in the morning. All the children love him there and he loves playing with them. The thing I don't understand is that in the evening and in weekends all he wants to do is pretend play going to school. And I ask how it went at the end of the day and he said it was great and was excited for the next day. Does anyone have any tips? I know it has only been a few weeks but he was like it at the end of nursery as well so I have tried a few things. I have tried a chart to get a little present at the end of the week,. Saying we will do something nice after nursery but nothing seems to help.

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NOG2014 · 20/09/2022 09:19

Sorry, I don't have any advice but following as I am experiencing exactly the same with my daughter and so looking for tips too.

Libertyqueen · 20/09/2022 09:21

When we have phases of this I find it helps to take a really long time over school run, arrive in playground early to play and just overall go at a slow pace. Any rushing and it will set him off.

sqirrelfriends · 20/09/2022 09:24

Its a big change for them, reception should be about getting them ready for school IMO but there almost expected to hit the ground running with Letters and numbers. Do his teachers job share by any chance? My DS really struggled on the handover days as he didn’t like the teacher for the second half of the week as much.

MsChatterbox · 20/09/2022 09:50

I think he's genuinely feeling upset and anxious that he's going to miss you. There's no hope trying to reward him for not expressing that upset. I knows it's hard for you to see but all you can do is reassure him that it's okay to be upset, you know he will miss you and you are looking forward to seeing him again after school. Remind him he does enjoy it once he's there and then you will be back together after he's had lots of fun. I agree with pp about taking your time over school run. My son does a lot better when we leave early and he plays in the playground first. You could also say this to him, that once he's dressed you can play together before going in.

Saraht1991 · 20/09/2022 09:53

Could you give him a special little stone or something that he could put in his pocket and you have a matching one? Then if he starts to miss you he can give it a little rub?

Original poster

BzzBzz · 20/09/2022 10:36

Libertyqueen · 20/09/2022 09:21

When we have phases of this I find it helps to take a really long time over school run, arrive in playground early to play and just overall go at a slow pace. Any rushing and it will set him off.

I wish he could play in the playground first but it doesn't seem they are allowed to do that as we all wait outside the gate before going in to school and when the gate is open ( the time that school starts) they all just have to go straight in :(

OP posts:

Original poster

BzzBzz · 20/09/2022 10:38

sqirrelfriends · 20/09/2022 09:24

Its a big change for them, reception should be about getting them ready for school IMO but there almost expected to hit the ground running with Letters and numbers. Do his teachers job share by any chance? My DS really struggled on the handover days as he didn’t like the teacher for the second half of the week as much.

No they don't job share. It's the same teacher and two teaching assistants every day. The main teacher is having a baby though and will be going off soon. I hope that doesn't make things worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

BzzBzz · 20/09/2022 10:39

Saraht1991 · 20/09/2022 09:53

Could you give him a special little stone or something that he could put in his pocket and you have a matching one? Then if he starts to miss you he can give it a little rub?

I have also tried this but unfortunately he says he can't look at it because he will miss me more.

OP posts:

RachelSq · 20/09/2022 11:42

We had this exact scenario when my DS started a school nursery. Like yours, all feedback was that he loved it when he got in but mornings at home were horrific.

We just had to continue and take each day as it came, but it was tough not getting frustrated and calmly explaining that school was non-negotiable and we’d be back at the end of the day. We always listened to him if he expressed any worries, but to be honest he said he loved it which made the mornings even weirder!

Good luck, I know it’s heart wrenching having to “hand over” an upset child that is just wanting to stay with you for hugs.

PineappleWilson · 20/09/2022 12:46

A number of children are being like this in my DD's reception class. Her best friend is in bits every morning but they were at a CM before where the DC was fine every way. My DD is going through "I've fogotten where my peg is." and "I've forgotten where my drawer is" on alternate days, and gets really upset about it.

I think it's all about it being a big new change for them. I give DD a kiss in her hand to keep with her when she's at school, and we're doing extra hugs at home and making sure she has enough sleep. I'm hoping they find their feet more by half term.

Chattycathydoll · 20/09/2022 12:49

My DD had a lot of this around covid disruptions. So we used to play games on the way- her favourite was a ‘rainbow walk’: she would have to spot something of each colour in the rainbow on the way to school :)

tealandteal · 20/09/2022 12:53

I found that keeping the routine exactly the same for a few weeks (hard if sometimes you have to go to work) and allowing a little extra time on the school run helped. We run through what happens on Monday, Tuesday etc so he knew what to expect. It’s horrible when they have to peel them off you.

PuttingDownRoots · 20/09/2022 12:53

My younger DD was like this. All through Preschool... Any even where parents came in would set her off even worse.

Unfortunately the thing that seemed to sort it was moving schools and going off on the school bus every morning... it was just her and her sister picked up at their stop, so we had a calm handover and and separation from school.

Its heartbreaking and all you can do is smile, reassure them and let them know you'll be back soon

(This is for the hating handover children.. not those with full on separation anxiety etc)

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 20/09/2022 12:55

Instead of giving him a stone to remember you. Can you give him something 'special/important' (but absolutely NOT) to look after for you?

Use/buy a cheap bracelet or something he believes is special to you.

do you have younger kids? If you do he's probably just jealous they get to stay home with you & he doesn't. (In which case, can you make sometime each evening that's ONLY for Big Boys that go to school)

good news is, it will stop!!

whingewhinge · 20/09/2022 12:58

I think it's really normal and it's great that he can openly tell you how sad he's feeling.

I would say, as much routine as you can outside of school. Make sure he is getting enough sleep, good food and fun.

Then just let him know the way he feels is really normal, and that you love him loads and that he will be absolutely ok once he's in school.

I'm sorry I know it's horrible to see

whingewhinge · 20/09/2022 13:58

Ps The Invisible String is a good book for him if you haven't already read it

Maxineputyourredshoeson1 · 20/09/2022 14:03

When DD was little and hated school used to draw a little heart on her and a little heart on me and tell her when she missed me out a finger on the heart and mine would know and I would send her a big hug or kiss back. She’s 10 now and even though she knows it doesn’t work still draws hearts on us both if she’s having a rough time of it.

Mariposista · 20/09/2022 14:54

I had one who literally couldn’t get away from me fast enough at school and one whinger. Polar opposites. Dad did the school run until half term (had to change his work start time to do it, but hey, that’s being a parent), I started work early and got there to pick up. No more whining by week 3!

J33nco · 22/09/2022 15:14

The child role playing out school is super healthy and really good - they're working through their emotions this way and it is totally age appropriate and will aid the process. I would say stick with it and you will reap the benefits.
As an aside my DS went to pre school at his school and has still struggled at drop off in reception. The part of the brain which learns that the separation is 'safe' is best treated without it being long drawn out (quicker they realise they are still 'safe' without mummy the better) but I understand every child is different even if this is the science!

Bunda · 22/09/2022 16:57

Maxineputyourredshoeson1 · 20/09/2022 14:03

When DD was little and hated school used to draw a little heart on her and a little heart on me and tell her when she missed me out a finger on the heart and mine would know and I would send her a big hug or kiss back. She’s 10 now and even though she knows it doesn’t work still draws hearts on us both if she’s having a rough time of it.

Love this!

balzamico · 22/09/2022 17:07

I would use the playing schools at the weekend to talk it through and to talk about how a good morning would go

themonkeysnuts · 22/09/2022 18:14

Xpost ^^
draw a heart on your + his hand say every time he looks at it you are thinking of him

LondonMum81 · 22/09/2022 20:39

It's okay. Given he's fine once you leave and excited at the end of the day there isn't anything to worry about. Some kids are like this for a full term or longer at the start, it just takes time for the transition to be less upsetting.

My youngest is still like this after we've been away on holiday and she's had me 100% of the time again when we get back to the normal routine.

lbnblbnb · 22/09/2022 20:46

This is so hard, I do feel for you. Maybe a different perspective - I remember behaving like this when my mum dropped me off at pre school. I remember being horrified when I was holding onto her legs and her tights came away in my hands.

But I also remember being really happy at nursery, having friends, painting, the chickens.

So I am not quite sure why I felt like that, but it didn’t last long.

Hope this might help.

netflixandgrill · 23/09/2022 09:22

Maxineputyourredshoeson1 · 20/09/2022 14:03

When DD was little and hated school used to draw a little heart on her and a little heart on me and tell her when she missed me out a finger on the heart and mine would know and I would send her a big hug or kiss back. She’s 10 now and even though she knows it doesn’t work still draws hearts on us both if she’s having a rough time of it.

OMG, this has just made me burst into tears. This is genius. My DD is having a tough time at a new school (secondary) and I am feeling emotional about it.

My eldest was like your DD. The teacher was amazing though and she made up special jobs that DD could help with so she took her in the mornings and distracted her. It was only ever sharpening pencils but she felt important and the distraction was so helpful. Perhaps your DDs teacher or TA can suggest something similar?