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Will private school help my 7 year old catch up?

58 replies

Aria2015 · 16/09/2022 21:52

My 7 yo has just started year 3 and is the youngest in his class. I feel like he is a bright boy, he is articulate and observant and when he enjoys something, can be very motivated. He is however behind. Year 1/2 reading level and also behind in spelling, writing and maths. Would moving him to a private school help him catch up?

We read every night (him to us and us to him). We do all given homework (maths and spellings), plus we practise phonics etc... His current school isn't great. He has a big class and many of his peers are also behind. In fact we're always praised for how much we do at home as apparently most the children don't do the set homework. Also, despite knowing his reading is behind, they don't check his reading log for weeks at a time and maybe change his reading book once a week (by which time he's memorised it!). I don't know if we could do more at home. I already feel like 30/40 minutes of work at home on top of a full day at school is a lot for just turned 7. He's often tired as we have to be out the house early.

I feel like he needs to get things turned around in the next year to put him in a good position moving forward. I wouldn't push if I didn't feel like he was capable, but he's a bright boy (and it's not just me that says that), he really just isn't reaching his potential currently.

It would be possible to move him to a private school. Just wondering if that could make the difference? Anyone had similar experience and seen good progress either in a private school or by some other method?

OP posts:
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Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 08:44

@Whatsthepointofmosquitos that's not something I'd considered. My brother is dyslexic...

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 08:45

@WGACA thanks for your reply. Yes, I think I need to move forward with the tutoring in the immediate future because it's something I can sort quickly and then carry on investing my options...

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 08:45

*investigating

OP posts:
Paigeycakey · 17/09/2022 08:50

How did he do in his Sat's test OP? In the gentliest way 40 mins is a lot and your saying he is bright but still behind.

Tbh you can see if your child has a flare for maths (flying through homework) or whatever by year 3.

Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 08:52

@Labraradabrador thanks for your reply. That's really interesting to read. I agree about the pressures at school, especially reading. I too struggled when I was younger but I caught up. Perhaps it was purely down to me maturing?

My son loves science stuff and maths stuff (even though he sometimes struggles with maths) and he likes creative things such as building things. He definitely has less interest in reading, writing and spelling. I think it's partly because it doesn't come easily to him, but also because it's not what gets him excited. He definitely views them all as a 'chore' and there is a big difference in terms of levels of enthusiasm when he talks about them, compared to other subjects he actually enjoys. I have explained to him that he needs to read and write to do any subject, so he can't be a scientist or and architect (his dreams so far!) without them. But he's 7 and finds it hard to put it in perspective like that!

OP posts:
Gr33ngr33ngr4ss · 17/09/2022 08:58

Agree with a PP. An academic focussed private prep may well send him under. The pressures to pass SATS at greater depth (or whatever they call it) and to excel rather than be where they should be is intense.

Having moved a child out of a state school with this same ethos (pastoral care or wellbeing didnt even figure in their vision) and being an ex private school myself, I've seen that damage.

Choose wisely. At 7, they have many many years to catch up.

Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:09

@SeagullSausage thanks for your reply. It's so interesting to hear from someone who has seen multiple children go through the education system. That's experience that I lack and him being my first child (I have a much younger child too), I worry that I'm getting it all wrong!

Your views are very similar to what my mother has said. She says he's as bright as a button but he's just lagging behind in maturity and emotional maturity because he's the youngest. It's actually made me think, because I remember when he was small I used to read him a book with all the colours in. I was worried he wasn't taking it in, because he was always getting colours wrong, and then overnight it clicked and he suddenly knew all his colours. That's sort of him really. He'll surprise me, by suddenly grasping a skill or knowledge he'd struggled with, overnight! It's happened with the colours but also counting, learning the alphabet etc... maybe I should have more faith that the same will follow with his reading and writing etc...?

We give him loads of support with his learning at home and that's something the school have always 'praised' us for, so I really hope that helps him going forward.

I definitely have a lot to think about. Your posts have calmed me and made me feel less panicked though, so thank you!

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:12

@littlemisslozza thank you for your reply. I'm glad you've had such a positive experience with private school. The school we'd be looking at does have an excellent reputation and great school data reports. It is single sex though which is not my ideal, but I don't think it would remotely bother my son.

They said we could come back, on our own and / or for another tour so we have an opportunity to get to know the school better.

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:15

@fallfallfall I definitely wouldn't want him to feel under pressure. I agree it's a lot to have all those expectations of them at such a young age. I'd have definitely struggled!

This school we're looking at said they celebrate all strengths and so while they have academic standards, they encourage the boys to explore their particular interests and have lots of additional clubs and activities to give them the opportunity to do more of what they enjoy. That's the part that most impressed me I think.

OP posts:
maranella · 17/09/2022 09:18

It could help OP, but honestly it's about the school, not whether it's state or private. My DS was not meeting the necessary milestones at a private school, because of he's dyslexic and has ADD. The school simply wasn't capable of meeting his needs and he was at the bottom of his year group, so we moved him to a school that can.

If you feel that your DS is simply being failed because his class is too big and his teachers aren't diligent enough and that he'd really benefit from a smaller class and more attention, move him to private, because generally speaking he will get that.

Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:21

@Doveyouknow thanks for your reply. I think I'm going to explore all options. I have to say moving him down a year would be my last resort. He has a very good awareness of his age and year group and so would know he was being kept back and I worry how he'd take it. I think his confidence would take a real hit. Also, despite being the youngest, he's physically one of the tallest so to look at him you can't tell. I know it might seem like a trivial concern, but I wouldn't want him to 'stand out' on a physical level if he was put down a year. I think it would make him feel more self conscious about staying back a year. He's getting more and more aware of stuff like that now, so it's definitely not a decision I'd take lightly.

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Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:24

@Mrsalwaysworried thanks for your reply. All points I will definitely take on board. I know moving him to private would be a huge commitment and that does definitely make me nervous. We aren't rolling in money, and it would require some belt tightening. I also have another child to consider and we'd have to make some bigger changes if they were to go private in the future, but I treat them individually so wouldn't automatically put them in private school just because their older sibling went.

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:30

@Paigeycakey thanks for your reply. We don't have SATs here (not in U.K.) but they have assessments. He came out as his age for maths and science (so, not behind) but have since been told he is struggling with maths? And he was a year behind in reading.

Maths he can fly through for some stuff but not others. But he likes maths and so is happy to bash away at it until he gets the hang of it. The reading and spellings are a slog because he just doesn't like doing them, but we persist all the same! I have seen improvements with his reading though, but it's definitely slow...

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:33

@Gr33ngr33ngr4ss thanks for your reply. Yes, the pressure if something I'm worried about. I can see how it could make or break a child depending on the schools approach and they type of child. I'm still open to it, but all these replies have given me lots to think about and helped me see that I have a few more options to look into first.

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Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 09:38

@maranella thanks for your reply. I do think that part of this is definitely not being happy with his school. It's a good location, but not a great school. It was our allocated school though so we gave it a chance. I suspect we may have realised sooner it wasn't a good fit but covid happened and we lost a good chunk of time and then the last year has been about getting back to normal etc... so we gave it more time. But now he's year 3 and I just feel that we've given it a chance and my gut is that it's still not the right place. I have to really think now what would be best for him moving forward. I suspect a school move, but this thread has made me realise I need to look into a few different school options, private and not...

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 17/09/2022 11:05

First of all, my understanding of the current Yr3 across the country is that ALL schools are having the exact same problem. This group of children were pretty much the hardest hit at primary school. Many children failed to learn to sit still and this is now having a knock on effect. If you can't sit still, you can't concerntrate, you can't read etc, if you can't read you can't learn at your best. Behaviour is through the floor. More kids than usual are being flagged as SEN, which probably isn't strictly true. They haven't got a diagnosiable issue - they are just the victims of lockdown. This is turn is having an impact even on the brightest kids in the class. This makes the year unique in terms of the experience they are having. The advice parents of kids in previous years might not be as helpful as normal as a result.

The yr2 SAT results were significantly down on previous years. Its caused a lot of concern. The hardest hit were summer born girls - their results had declined by the biggest percentage, but summer born boys were also hard hit and boys generally are already behind girls. This is across the country.

As a result, lots of parents have been trying to switch to private schools. I know of 4 boys (and they are all boys) in my son's year of 60 who have moved in the last year. It means that private schools are also facing some of the same challenges as state schools. I remain unconvinced that its benefitted 2 of them (I'm still in touch with 3). The third its too early to tell, but my suspicion is that they will do ok, if only because of parental involvement.

My own experience (DS is in the same year but hasn't suffered as badly - mainly cos he is one of the older ones), is that the schools have a problem in that they are having to teach to a bigger range of abilities than usual. And this is to the detriment of all really. They are having to teach to a lower level than they are used to - but the teachers are finding this a difficult adjustment. The ones doing badly are struggling with the average pitch, but pitch it lower and the better kids aren't stretched. No on wins. I think a huge number of parents ultimately feel their kids are not getting the education that suits them.

Speaking with other parents I think my feeling, based on what other are saying and what I've noticed is the following:
Don't be afraid to take the iniative.
Learn what they need to learn in the next two years and work on it. Don't expect the school to necessarily lead the way, as you might expect. Its just not going to happen. I think some parents are going for tutors but tbh I'm inclined not to go down this line as a) its too much pressure b) its expensive c) I think there is a world of information out there - there are loads of work books to help and I do think its not beyond most parents at year3. You can get decent enough ones at Aldi when they put them on special, which are reasonably priced. There are other ones available too. A friend recommended the CPG series, which she used during lockdown. I would argue that its possibly time better spent than some of the homework DS has been set tbh - if your child is behind, get the book for the year/age below they are supposed to be at. Some of the kids I know doing better, were the ones who ignored the work set by school, and instead tailored to their own child using resources independently. (We actually stuck to the school work, but I don't know that it was necessarily the best course of action tbh for DS).
Don't expect the school to give the support your child might need. You need to step up too.
Schools are ALL struggling with this particular year. My feeling with private school, is yes smaller class sizes WILL help, but even private schools are struggling.
Identify what their particular weaknesses are.
Focus on the reading and the english first if they have multiple weaknesses.
If they can't read well enough, they will struggle with everything else. Try and find books OUTSIDE the banded school books that they like, which they will want to read on their own. My particular bug with the school reading programme is the books are fucking awful. You just need to find something that they WANT to read. Finding something they enjoy at their level of maturity really is half the battle, especially if they are struggling. DS and his group of friends have been really helped (even some who are behind with where they should be - thing includes one with a SEN EHCP) because they collectively got into comic strip style books together. Its given them a love of books I don't know they would otherwise have. I highly recommend Dogman or Investigators if you've yet to come across them! The Narwhal and Jelly series are also good and perhaps more 'girlie' but DS has one and enjoyed it. All three definitely could be enjoyed by girls and boys. The Dogman Series can generally be got on 2 for £7 either on Amazon or at Supermarkets. Dogman and Narwhal are both on the Booktrust pick lists. He's also loved the pokemon series (we picked up cheap from Lowplex but I think they are out of stock but The Works do have them in). Dogman has been such a gateway to other books for DS. DS is doing a handwriting book at the moment as its his particular weakness. He is doing a little when we get chance, but not every day and not if he's in the wrong mood. I also try and get him to write something - even if its just a word or two, if he draws a picture. Literally ANYTHING no matter how small to get the practice in. School aren't setting anything in this department, and I think that the class are all suffering a lot for writing (even if they did do online work during lockdown, they weren't doing anywhere near as much writting as they would in class as they spent so much time on computers).

FINALLY though, try NOT panic. As I say, there are SO MANY kids in the same boat. The year need an intervention imho. I don't think it will happen. BUT if you are on the ball, there is time for them to make up lost ground. But my real fear is I do think the burden is going to fall on parents to make it happen rather than educators because of the scale of the issue and how overwhelmed teachers are for this particular year group. I think half the battle, is realising this though, rather than just demanding even more from the teachers. They just don't have the capacity. I actually really feel for them. The attitude of some parents at my son's school is something to behold - they are utter arseholes. Indeed, I am going to stress the need to be somewhat sympathetic to the teacher and work with them rather than going into battle with them. It doesn't help, if you are at odds with the teacher.

I don't think there is a magic bullet for any of Yr3. Its going to take a long time and hard work. They've been failed spectularly.

RedToothBrush · 17/09/2022 11:09

Just seen you aren't in the UK. I don't know if things are different where you are, and how much of the above applies / will be helpful.

Lovetogarden2022 · 17/09/2022 11:36

Might be better to do the state plus option and invest in a tutor - that's the route I'm taking currently on advice from my sister in law who is herself a teacher.
We've found a company called Tayberry (they came highly recommended to us through my cousin) and they've been excellent. They're doing 11+ tuition with my eldest, but they're also working with my younger son who is year 1 to make sure he doesn't fall behind. They're both in a state primary - great school but big classes and it's easy to fall behind.
It's a bit of extra money each month, but we see it as an investment and it's cheaper than private schools with all the "added extras" you end up forking out for!

Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 16:24

@RedToothBrush thank you so much for taking the time with your comprehensive reply. I appreciate you taking the time. I agree with a lot of your points. I'm also sympathetic to the teachers and have a good relationship with them and to be fair, I don't yet know what this new year 3 teacher is like yet.

I do think you're right that perhaps following our own path at home might be beneficial. It's a bit 'death by worksheet' whenever I've asked for any catch up stuff from school and they don't seem to make much of a difference.

I completely agree about the reading books. The themes of the stories are often so dull and my son feels, they're often babyish too. I have bought our own but they are specifically for learning to read and they're not really any better than the ones he gets from school. I will definitely look into some reading level appropriate books that are more interesting though. We have lots of books that we read to him that are beyond him, but they give me an idea of what kind of books he enjoys. Plus I'll look at your suggestions.

We are motivated to put the time in at home and so hopefully we can make headway. I have a lot to think about but I'm hopeful we can get there one way or another!!

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 17/09/2022 16:28

@Lovetogarden2022 thanks for your reply. I will definitely be exploring this option. I did mention it to the school back in year 1 but they said it would be too much pressure for him and instead had him go in early once a week for a bit of 1 on 1 reading. I guess maybe just turned 5 and possibly was too young for tutoring, but he’s older now so would hopefully cope better. I have lots of think about re ways forward. This thread has been great for calming down and also giving me lots of ideas about our options and also what we cab do at home. So thank you, and all the other people who have taken the time to post. It's much appreciated! 😊

OP posts:
elij · 17/09/2022 17:33

This depends on the private school but generally putting someone behind in maintained education into the independent sector (which in some cases are selective on entry) is a big risk. In my opinion attainment starts at home -- schools play a small part in it (but can be damaging if the environment is not idea).

The worst position to be in as a child is behind your peers and private is generally more competitive. The only benefit would be if his learning style relies on more adult time and they could benefit from the smaller class sizes (not that much smaller from 7 tbh).

If you're doing 30 minutes a day (separate from reading) there isn't a need to go beyond that but it might be worth looking at the material used. Tutoring is another option in theory but if you're able to spend 40 minutes with your child everyday it doesn't seem like there's any need for outsourcing this.

Based on the assumption that he's only behind in reading, I would recommend taking a look at the syllabus (basic key stage milestones) and make a plan at home to align with reading levels. Once you've learnt these you won't have to rely on the school saying if he's behind as you read everyday you would spot it at home.

With a focus on improving reading I recommend making it front and centre in life at home. From reading street signs, bus stops/train stops, warning signs, food menus. If he likes computer games, play with him, but make sure he reads every on screen sentence (luigi's mansion and pokemon have a good play to reading ratio for example) -- any text in real life.

To make books interesting it is also good to let your child pick their own books. You can maybe spend some hours over the weekend at a book shop or library (we do this religiously). Normally by 8 a child would have free rein over the entire older child/young adult section once you get back on schedule.

RedToothBrush · 18/09/2022 08:52

@Aria2015 if you want more good choices for books, do look at the book trust website.

www.booktrust.org.uk/booklists/g/great-books-guide-2021-6-7/

This is their list of booked published last year for 6 and 7 year olds. If your son is struggling maybe look at list for year below, but they do tend to list for a good range of abilities. I check out what they look like by using amazon's 'look inside feature' (I don't think this works on all mobiles - I only get it on my laptop), to get a feel for their level / how text heavy they are. Comic book style books, I find great because they are bright, colourful, fun and there is less text so are less intimidating. They are a good halfway house between the large picture books which by age 7 are starting to be a little immature for some and do push them to feeling comfortable with a book with more pages.

I find it a really good starting point to find engaging books that are fun.

So far everything we've seen recommended by the book trust that we've picked up, has gone down pretty well.

RedToothBrush · 18/09/2022 09:01

I think the other thing to keep in mind is you will know what YOUR child enjoys better than any teacher. You are able to focus on things they make learning more fun for them, not a more generalised approach which might be hit or miss. The key bit for with reading is not to make it feel like a chore.

I also think going to a good book shop or library and encouraging children to choose their own books is a good idea. However I caution a little because they will choose based on the cover alone and sometimes that's not as helpful, so they do need some steering towards things you think are going to work for your son too.

Aria2015 · 18/09/2022 18:27

@elij and @RedToothBrush thank you for your replies. I will definitely be getting some more exciting reading material for him. Thanks for the link too. I think I've been very led by what the school gives him and so even though we have purchased our own reading books, they're still from 'educational reading' section, so not really any more fun than the school books! It makes sense that if he finds the books interesting, it will motivate him more with his reading.

I've really appreciated all the replies. It's really given me so much to think about, coupled with great advice. So thanks to everyone who has taken the time. It's much appreciated!!

OP posts:
TwoProngedFork · 25/09/2022 18:02

RedToothBrush · 17/09/2022 11:05

First of all, my understanding of the current Yr3 across the country is that ALL schools are having the exact same problem. This group of children were pretty much the hardest hit at primary school. Many children failed to learn to sit still and this is now having a knock on effect. If you can't sit still, you can't concerntrate, you can't read etc, if you can't read you can't learn at your best. Behaviour is through the floor. More kids than usual are being flagged as SEN, which probably isn't strictly true. They haven't got a diagnosiable issue - they are just the victims of lockdown. This is turn is having an impact even on the brightest kids in the class. This makes the year unique in terms of the experience they are having. The advice parents of kids in previous years might not be as helpful as normal as a result.

The yr2 SAT results were significantly down on previous years. Its caused a lot of concern. The hardest hit were summer born girls - their results had declined by the biggest percentage, but summer born boys were also hard hit and boys generally are already behind girls. This is across the country.

As a result, lots of parents have been trying to switch to private schools. I know of 4 boys (and they are all boys) in my son's year of 60 who have moved in the last year. It means that private schools are also facing some of the same challenges as state schools. I remain unconvinced that its benefitted 2 of them (I'm still in touch with 3). The third its too early to tell, but my suspicion is that they will do ok, if only because of parental involvement.

My own experience (DS is in the same year but hasn't suffered as badly - mainly cos he is one of the older ones), is that the schools have a problem in that they are having to teach to a bigger range of abilities than usual. And this is to the detriment of all really. They are having to teach to a lower level than they are used to - but the teachers are finding this a difficult adjustment. The ones doing badly are struggling with the average pitch, but pitch it lower and the better kids aren't stretched. No on wins. I think a huge number of parents ultimately feel their kids are not getting the education that suits them.

Speaking with other parents I think my feeling, based on what other are saying and what I've noticed is the following:
Don't be afraid to take the iniative.
Learn what they need to learn in the next two years and work on it. Don't expect the school to necessarily lead the way, as you might expect. Its just not going to happen. I think some parents are going for tutors but tbh I'm inclined not to go down this line as a) its too much pressure b) its expensive c) I think there is a world of information out there - there are loads of work books to help and I do think its not beyond most parents at year3. You can get decent enough ones at Aldi when they put them on special, which are reasonably priced. There are other ones available too. A friend recommended the CPG series, which she used during lockdown. I would argue that its possibly time better spent than some of the homework DS has been set tbh - if your child is behind, get the book for the year/age below they are supposed to be at. Some of the kids I know doing better, were the ones who ignored the work set by school, and instead tailored to their own child using resources independently. (We actually stuck to the school work, but I don't know that it was necessarily the best course of action tbh for DS).
Don't expect the school to give the support your child might need. You need to step up too.
Schools are ALL struggling with this particular year. My feeling with private school, is yes smaller class sizes WILL help, but even private schools are struggling.
Identify what their particular weaknesses are.
Focus on the reading and the english first if they have multiple weaknesses.
If they can't read well enough, they will struggle with everything else. Try and find books OUTSIDE the banded school books that they like, which they will want to read on their own. My particular bug with the school reading programme is the books are fucking awful. You just need to find something that they WANT to read. Finding something they enjoy at their level of maturity really is half the battle, especially if they are struggling. DS and his group of friends have been really helped (even some who are behind with where they should be - thing includes one with a SEN EHCP) because they collectively got into comic strip style books together. Its given them a love of books I don't know they would otherwise have. I highly recommend Dogman or Investigators if you've yet to come across them! The Narwhal and Jelly series are also good and perhaps more 'girlie' but DS has one and enjoyed it. All three definitely could be enjoyed by girls and boys. The Dogman Series can generally be got on 2 for £7 either on Amazon or at Supermarkets. Dogman and Narwhal are both on the Booktrust pick lists. He's also loved the pokemon series (we picked up cheap from Lowplex but I think they are out of stock but The Works do have them in). Dogman has been such a gateway to other books for DS. DS is doing a handwriting book at the moment as its his particular weakness. He is doing a little when we get chance, but not every day and not if he's in the wrong mood. I also try and get him to write something - even if its just a word or two, if he draws a picture. Literally ANYTHING no matter how small to get the practice in. School aren't setting anything in this department, and I think that the class are all suffering a lot for writing (even if they did do online work during lockdown, they weren't doing anywhere near as much writting as they would in class as they spent so much time on computers).

FINALLY though, try NOT panic. As I say, there are SO MANY kids in the same boat. The year need an intervention imho. I don't think it will happen. BUT if you are on the ball, there is time for them to make up lost ground. But my real fear is I do think the burden is going to fall on parents to make it happen rather than educators because of the scale of the issue and how overwhelmed teachers are for this particular year group. I think half the battle, is realising this though, rather than just demanding even more from the teachers. They just don't have the capacity. I actually really feel for them. The attitude of some parents at my son's school is something to behold - they are utter arseholes. Indeed, I am going to stress the need to be somewhat sympathetic to the teacher and work with them rather than going into battle with them. It doesn't help, if you are at odds with the teacher.

I don't think there is a magic bullet for any of Yr3. Its going to take a long time and hard work. They've been failed spectularly.

@RedToothBrush thank you so much for sharing your findings. It's an eye opener and for the first time in 14 months helped me make some sense of what I'm seeing. A couple of friends and I with children in Year 3 are facing similar challenges.
In your opinion, are you advocating more focused tuition by parents to manage this? Any ideas on the type of intervention required?

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