Help me get her dressed

[melvet77]

My 4.5 year old started school on Monday. Tuesday we had some upset (got as fat as hairbrushing then she went limp like a noodle. I had to carry her halfway there.) but went in OK eventually. Today we are butt naked on the sofa and school started 10 minutes ago. School have said even if she's in mufti to bring her in, but she is refusing all clothes. My plan is to wear her down ( I have three hours)- outside of using physical force, do I have any other options?!

No, dragging a child is abusive.

You can't dress a 4 yo who doesn't want to be dressed without using some considerable force to restrain her. That use of force is abuse unless there is an actual threat to the childs welfare by not being dressed.

Trying to humiliate a child using their body as a tool to coerce them to do something they dont want to do is not the way forward

Its honestly no wonder the world is now full of entitled brats, dressing your child and making them go to school is now abusive? I swear I, and everyone I know in RL are living on a different normal planet to most posters on this forum.

Good luck with the teenage years 😂

@ZeroFuchsGiven do you have a child with autism or anxiety based school refusal or sensory processing disorder?
"Parenting your child"
So easy when your child is autistic or has other issues 🙄

Actually I have first had experience of navigating through the teenage years after these issues in primary with more than one child. It’s been amazing. With patience and respectful parenting I have dc who despite any issues are able to self regulate and have done extremely well.

One dc has occasional days off for mental health and is able to let us know when he needs them and doesn’t abuse that privilege and is able to avoid mental burnout. He’s doing well academically in mainstream. My dd I mentioned earlier managed primary but let us know at secondary age she would prefer to be home educated and she did extremely well and then was able to progress into work eventually

@ZeroFuchsGiven thinks "parenting" is dragging your kid to school kicking and screaming. Good luck with YOUR teens!

There’s a big difference between a very young child and a teen.

My son was a school refuser at first. He cried about it from the moment he woke up until he was in school. I had to dress him and fireman carry him down the street (or drag if he refused to walk), he did the usual hitting and kicking but we got there every day. The school rang me daily once he had settled down and there were photos etc on the app. He came out grinning every day and saying what a great time he’d had and that he was excited for tomorrow with absolutely no hint of anything that was worrying him. A month in and he was a different child, he was excited in the mornings and pleased to get to school.

Had I just let him stay at home because he wanted to we’d still be sat here today. It was a necessity to get him there, which involved a calm amount of carrying and restraining to do so initially because he thought disobedience/violence was the way to get what he wanted.

What motivates her? I am not above offering a bit of chocolate in return for doing the thing I need my 4.5yo ds to do. But he will do pretty much anything for a bit of chocolate.

I tend to try bribery, but if that doesn't work, then direct consequences. If you don't get dressed then you will have no time to play etc.

Also what's your morning routine look like? How is she getting out of the pjs and onto the sofa, and what is she doing on the sofa? My kids don't have any tv at all in the morning, and don't even go downstairs until they are dressed, they have breakfast at a little table in their bedroom, while we're getting ready for work etc. we've found that creates fewer distractions, and helps everyone get moving.

Don't get me wrong we still have moments where DS is stubborn and refuses to get dressed. It's frustrating.

My eldest is 25 and youngest 14, I have never had to drag them to school but if they did ever try that crap of refusing I would not hesitate to do so, it is my job as a parent to make sure they go to school.

Good for you @ZeroFuchsGiven. Give yourself a pat on the back for such a great accomplishment.

This is great advice.

Nothing happens in the morning until she is dressed. No going downstairs, no tv/screen, no toys, no food until fully dressed in uniform.

Then she gets to chill and eat.

None of my 3 have ever been allowed downstairs until they were dressed for school. Zero chance of lounging around on a sofa naked!! It just wouldn’t be an option.

Spot the parents who never had to deal with school refusal...

When my DD was having trouble, it was nothing to do with misbehaviour. It was anxiety about something that wasn't actually real, but was

Sorry that cut off..

The situation was real to her. It took a lot of reassurance from her teachers and me that it wasn't real. In the end, it was lockdown that solved it.

Saying just drag her there won't help if she's scared of school. Just make her hate school more!

OP I hope you managed to get there in the end, and that tomorrow is better.

You’re missing the point that a lot of children will just undress themselves!!!

@MissyB1 yes if I had told my daughter she couldn't go in the living room without being dressed first she would have said "fine" and stayed in her room. Yes even at age 4. It wasn't her being naughty. It was due to her (then undiagnosed) asd and other issues.