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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Worried my son won't cope in mainstream school.

6 replies

Livermummy · 06/09/2022 13:21

My son started reception yesterday and I'm really worried about him. He is 4 and has struggled at nursery (especially with Covid) but had seemed to settle in the last 6-8 months. The nursery raised concerns with me about my son (behaviour, speech etc) and so he was assessed by our helath vistor (x3 times) and then eventually our local children's hospital for autism but they subsequently discharged him and said he wasn't autistic. It was the same with Speech and Language Therapy, no further action was needed. However, he struggles with routine, taking instructions, sitting down, focussing, eating etc and still has huge tantrums daily! Today when I picked him up (half day) he wouldn't come out of the classroom and started to have a huge tantrem, laying on the floor crying and not communicating and acting frustrated. I may be paranoid but I feel like the teachers judge and probably think he has no discipline/routine at home, which just isn't true. I have an older child (7) who is treated exactly the same and we have never had any of the same issues. I can't help but think there is something wrong and he will struggle in that environment and also that the school will struggle to cope with him. I honestly don't know what to do next, i just feel so helpless and anxious and most of all worried for him.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 06/09/2022 13:27

If he's a young 4 can you take him out until the term after he turns 5, which is then considered CSA, he may need more time to mature so he can cope with school. We had behaviour akin to this and did get a dx of autism and now we home Ed, but you may get away with letting him grow up a bit.

Livermummy · 06/09/2022 13:34

He was 4 in May so he is young. I did research on whether to keep him back a year but decided against it. I'm not sure putting him back into nursery would serve him any better. I'm hoping the school will assess him and establish whether he needs more support or if he would be better home ed/SEN school.

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Beamur · 06/09/2022 13:47

Teachers will have seen it all before. Don't worry about being judged.
I think lots of little kids will be struggling with the effects of Covid isolation - a couple of my friends are teachers and I do voluntary work with teens and they're all seeming younger and less emotionally mature/resilient. I think schools will be bearing that in mind too.
Many many kids will be finding the routine of school a hard transition. I would expect it to take at least half a term for this to be the new normal.
Keep in contact with the school and maybe ask if there's anything you can do at home to support him.
Reception is very play led, but helps kids learn how school works - routine, direction etc.
Try not to worry too much. It's really early days .

BillHadersLeftEye · 06/09/2022 13:48

With brutal honesty depending on where you are in the country, he doesn't sound anywhere near like he has anything like enough needs for a special school place. Push for reassessment and EHCP or child's plan on current need to get the right support (no diagnosis needed). Don't be hoping for them to notice, make it happen - push and hard. Keep a diary of every tantrum or meltdown as well to back you up. Also highly recommend reading 'The Explosive Child'

Livermummy · 06/09/2022 14:10

@BillHadersLeftEye @Beamur @Pashazade thank you, all good advice. I think i need to look into things further as I don't have enough knowledege on it as I want to ensure that he gets the supoort he needs. I'm certainly going to keep a log f everything and keep in close contact with the school if he continues to struggle.

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Newmomma2705 · 22/09/2022 17:32

Hiya just wondering how you are getting on? My little girl starred recpetion and is struggling she does have sen but struggles with the same things as your son. Xx

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