Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Over to friends for tea.

9 replies

Winston · 22/01/2008 16:29

My DD started reception in September. She has had her first invite back to tea at a friends house after school. I was hoping to avoid this for the first year but because she seems to be finding it hard to settle in and make friends I agreed in the hope it will help build her confidence. I have not done this before so unsure if its customary to take something as a thank you or if we need to be inviting back soon after? Daft questions I know but I am guessing there is a rule to these sorts of things, am I right?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Twiglett · 22/01/2008 16:32

I'm not sure why you'd want to avoid them .. they can be great opportunities for you both to make and cement friendships

Now either the friend's parent would like you there or not .. you need to check in my view .. also if you think your child will need help settling you could go and pick her up and drop her off

In reception a playdate was always with the parent too .. and the children would play whilst the parents chatted

It is not customary to take stuff .. sometimes friends bring wine (for us) or a pudding for the kids but normally not

I would suggest a return playdate in a couple of weeks personally .. because your child is making friendships and part of that is having the confidence of your own home turf

Twiglett · 22/01/2008 16:33

I don't think there are hard and fast rules, they kind of develop as you go along

Original poster

Winston · 22/01/2008 16:59

Thanks Twiglett. I was avoiding as lots of mums have said to leave it until they form stronger bonds with other children. Having not done this before I have thought I would follow the advice but like you said, now think it would be a great way to make friends. I will return the offer in a couple weeks. I havent been invited but do know the family so just hoping she has a nice time.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 22/01/2008 19:16

oh I firmly believe at that age that you can help them make friends by instigating playdates on their own turf .. it is far easier to make friends / build connections with someone in your own home .. that you can then build on in school

at least that's what I've found with both of mine

when I say in a couple of weeks .. I mean when you pick her up say 'oh she's had such a lovely time, would xx like to come to ours .. say the week after next?' rather than ask her in a couple of weeks .. well that's what I do anyway .. well used to do (we do far too many playdates)

Hulababy · 22/01/2008 19:26

DD went on playdates almost straight away after joining school. I saw them as a good way to help forge new friendships.

DD always went alone, without me, and I collected at the end after dinner.

I don't send a gift but DD does know to say thank you at the end.

Mostly we do invite back although not always depending on circumstances - such as if I know the child can't come on the right days, etc.

aintnomountainhighenough · 22/01/2008 20:55

Agree with other posters. We started playdates very quickly after starting school. I must admit though I wouldn't let my DD go to someones house that I didn't know. I would go with her until she was settled and then leave. If you feel a bit nervous or if your DD is then I would just say that you will go back for 10mins until she is settled. This is what we did early on, now the other parent or I just pick up straight from school.

I don't normally send anything (foodwise) along but I do pack a change of clothes sometimes. We normally 'return' the playdate within a couple of weeks.

Hope it goes well.

Original poster

Winston · 22/01/2008 22:09

Thanks guys, am hoping she enjoys it and makes a new friend!

OP posts:

Twiglett · 28/01/2008 16:13

how did it go?

mimsum · 28/01/2008 22:15

dd started reception in September - although she's enjoying school, she found the transition from part-time nursery very tiring so was pretty hideous post-school ...

We had a couple of disastrous playdates at home with dd throwing massive wobblies about something or other and visiting child looking perturbed so I decided she obviously wasn't ready and that if we did too many she'd end up losing all her friends

She actually finds it much easier to go to other people's houses - she went to a friend's for tea today and was beautifully behaved - on her own territory she finds it easier to let it all hang out

she's just started having playdates again but I'm going to make sure she doesn't do too many

the etiquette here is for parent not to go as well, but if dd's not been to her friend's house before I'll pick her up from school and hand her over in the playground, together with contact details just in case - we don't take anything foodwise, dd thanks her friend and friend's parents and we arrange a return visit for a couple of weeks' time

Flip