DD's teacher needs advice on how to deal with DD's nail/fingerbiting habit - Help please!

[hippipotami]

Please help.

Dd is just 5 and in reception. She has over the years had some anxiety related habits and tics such as headshaking, shoulder shrugging and a period of hairpulling. The GP adviced us to ignore as much as possible. The tics she still has, but the hairpulling has been replaced by picking/biting of her fingernails and the skin surrounding it. She makes her fingers bleed on a daily basis.

Dd's teacher wants to know how to deal with this. She cannot ignore it as dd would bleed all over the books/papers/desks/toys etc. But neither does she want to go all-out 'oh dear, come and have a plaster'.
She has asked dd if anything is worrying her and dd said 'no'. But dd did burst into tears today when another girl snatched a pen. The teacher said dd was disproportionately upset about this.
Now, dd is a bundle of anxieties which we are trying to deal with as much as possible. I think the nailbiting thing is almost done subconciously.
When asked by the teacher why dd bites her nails/skin dd replied 'I don't know' That is the exact same answer we get when we ask her. Followed by a shrug, a pout and a point blank refusal to discuss further.

So, what can we do? The teacher is thinking about implementing an award system, ie a sticker for every day when nails were not bitten. But then she is worried this would draw attention to the problem, and perhaps I want to downplay it so as not to reward dd with attention when she bites/nibbles/

Please please, anyone who has advice, been though something similar with their child, let me know how you dealt with this.

I don't want to turn this into a huge issue, but some coping/dealing strategies would be wonderful as I am feeling a bit at a loss at the moment.

I'm another adult who does this (and loathes it) and I would second the idea that nagging really doesn't help. I've been nagged about it all my life (am 40 now) and still do it. I do it when I'm nervous, but also just generally when reading or anything where my hands aren't occupied. I do find that if I can get my hands to heal up completely then I am less tempted to bite/pick them. It's the temptation to just 'neaten up' a bit that's already been chewed that gets me every time. So maybe plasters till they heal would help. I also find nail varnish puts me off putting my fingers in my mouth, although I will still pick.

FWIW I am a successful professional [that makes me sound a bit 'up myself' doesn't it; just meant that it hasn't held me back at all] and have got less anxious as I have got older (though i am still a pretty angsty person overall). My dd1 doesn't bite/pick, but is an inveterate fiddler and the blu-tack/stress-ball technique works well for her. Dd2 bites her nails (including her toe nails!) and chews and twiddles her hair and I've also caught her pulling hairs out (and eating them [shudder]) though only occasionally. So there may be something in it being genetic.

Not sure I've added much, but I'd say this is definitely 'normal' and not a sign of a serious mental problem.

Sorry for double post.

just wanted to add that if she does it less during holidays, that is probably because she is more occupied with fun stuff and hence has less time to sit around picking at her nails, and not because she has less anxiety because school is over.

I would go with a two pronged attack. One to give her something to fiddle with discreetly like bluetack or a squidgy ball or even a beadstring if they use them in Numeracy. The other side of the attack would be to find ways that dd's teacher can praise her and notice her so that she doesn't get any additional attention for the nail biting. Try not to let her see how clsely you are monitoring her and hopefully as she becomes more settled in her new environment, she will feel less of a need to do this. Good luck.

Cote, you may have a point. When at home (be it afternoons after school, weekends or holidays) dd spends all her time happily pooteling around doing things. She loves playing with and lining up her toy cars and the counters from board games - quite often into intricate patterns all over the lounge floor. She has an old double school desk in the dining room full of craft stuff and will spend ages colouring, scribbeling, cutting etc etc. Or she will be in her room with her dolls house and playmobil. She is one of those children that whilst very quiet and not attention seeking will quietly be busy in the background.
At school there is more 'enforced' sitting still, listening to letter sounds, stories etc.

robin, I think that is just what we will do. Dd needs to be kept busy, so a fiddle item is needed. And moderate praise for non-chewed fingers, withoug going overboard on it.

Thanks all I really really appreciate it.

Ellbell, thank you, and you do not sound 'up yourself' at all. It is reassuring to know it is 'normal' and not a sign of a mental problem.
Sorry, I missed your post before, even though you posted it twice

It could well be her way of concentrating as well - I bite a lot when reading something engrossing or when I have difficult accounts to prepare. It seems to concentrate my efforts, if you can understand that at all.

Interesting that what you said about not nagging her for fear of it leading to something else - I certainly do it more when told to stop by dp (usually by being swiped as it winds him up, understandably).

I had always been a bit at the self harm theory but it does make a little bit of sense - in that it is actually quite dangerous to stop a self harmer from harming, as the act of self harm is thought to be a coping strategy in itself (stopping more dangerous consequences.

Have you ever seen Gordon Brown's hands? He's a nail biter/skin chewer and it clearly hasn't held him back. So is my dad and he's had a brilliant career.

I used to do this - still bite my nails occasionally (it's the neatening them up thing, when I've bitten and it's uneven that's a killer - I really need to get to them with a nail file). Afraid the only thing that really stopped me being a constant nail chewer was taking up smoking which obviously isn't a good idea. Being nagged, bitter nail paint, etc. etc. etc. never did a thing.

I was a nail biter until my early 20's, and as a child in primary school I used to chew my tie. Now that I don't bite my nails I chew the inside of my mouth instead, I also can't wear bracelets or necklaces as they just fall apart with the constant fiddling. Like Wisteria I do it when concentrating, although mostly I do it when stressed and considering solutions to the stressful situation. I've never really considered it to be a problem, it's just part of me, although my Mum always hated the nail biting. It's great that your dd has managed to

I never liked squeezy balls or blu-tack, but I do find that smooth things distract me from other fiddling. For a while as a child I had a polished stone with a thumb-sized indent which worked really well. I lost it (because I lose things easily), but perhaps you could look out for a sturdy bracelet that she could fiddle with, so it will always be handy.

(sorry if that all sounds a little disjointed, ds kept waking up last night and I have trouble with language when tired)

Morning, wow, more replies

Edam, I have never looked at Gordon Brown's hands, I am always mesmerised by the slack bottom jaw breathing in thing he does...
But I take your point. Thanks for reassuring me Interestingly, my sister suffers from trichotillomania (hairpulling habit) and has a fab career as a digital TV producer (no idea what that actually involves though ), so it has obviously not held her back.

Have just come back from school and have agreed with the teacher that we will find a way of keeping her hands occupied. She does it a lot during carpet time when the teacher goes through letter sounds etc, so the suggestion was that dd gets to hold the box of letter cards. (instead of it sitting on the floor). We just have to make sure these are unimportant tasks otherwise all 30 children will want a go and the teacher will be a bit frazzled...

I like the idea of a sturdy bracelet, I may get her to make one with wooden beads or something. The teacher also suggested a hankerchief in her pocket for her to fiddle with.

So lots of great suggestions, and my mind set at rest, so I feel very happy, thank you

can you not just let her do it and put plasters on if they bleed? surely if neither of you make a big thing of it but show her she has to have plasters on she will just...stop?

Just wanted to mention that I am another lifetime nailbiter. I bite my nails extremely low, though not often to the point of bleeding. I can remember feeling really resentful and upset when people tried to make me stop biting. Not a reasonable reaction, I know, but still possibly worth pointing out. Their interventions made me feel hassled and bad, and I couldn't see myself as being 'on the same side' as those people (parents and teachers).

So I just wanted to suggest backing off as far as poss? Perhaps just concentrate on getting her to stop biting to the point of bleeding, rather than stoppping altogether?

Hippi - have left long garbled message for you on our other thread haven't come up with anything new though I don't think.

Yes, Threadie, I get annoyed and resentful if told to stop. Especially when people point out how ugly my fingers look ... as if I didn't know!

Hippo... I just wanted to suggest you have a look at the 'dreamer of dreams' thread. Lots of those of us with dreamy children who have difficulty concentrating (dd1 in my case) have stuggled with their constant need to 'fiddle'. There might be some ideas there that might help you.

Dreamer of dreams thread. Have also bumped it for you in active convos, hippi (and sorry for calling you hippo before....).

Enid, that is the way to go, so she will get plasters, but she just moves onto other fingers until she has 10 plasters on! Mind you, she loves having plasters on, so that is her cunning master plan I think...

Ellsbelles, thanks for that link, will go and have a read, and no worries about hippo, it is my fave animal so am not worried

Ellbell even

so what happens when she has 10 plasters?

It's OK, hippi - elsebelles is another poster, but she makes even me do a double take sometimes!

Enid, in an ideal world she would stop chewing, but dd being dd she may revert to hairpulling, scab picking, or any other horrid habit.

Enid - It doesn't work that way, unfortunately.

hippi - Once I started playing the piano (~age 6) my fingers were pretty much always busy air-playing the music in my head (and I know that makes me sound loony) which helped.

Don't forget the nail polish. File your DD's nails then put on a nail polish that she chooses. Most probably you will see a big difference.

I bire my mails and nibble the skin around them. Not nice, but I feel there are worse things. DD does the same

That would be bite my nails* I'm not chowing down on my post every morning!

MB - what a lovely picture you paint, on the doormat, post in mouth...

I agree, there are worse things to worry about and I will stop worrying about it now. MN has put it nicely in perspective for me and I feel a lot happier.

Cote - there are no nails to file, well not much anyway, but will put some clear polish on.

Thanks