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[sad] my lovely, bright, happy, confident ds now cries every morning when going to school [sad]

18 replies

wannaBe · 21/01/2008 09:06

... and I have no idea why. .

He loves school, loves learning to read, comes home wanting to practice his reading, his writing, has always been very enthusiastic about what's going on. And then suddenly last week he cried on Monday morning when going to school and it was like someone flicked a switch because he has cried every morning ever since.

I do not pander to it. I don't stay - I just walk away, and teacher tells me that once he's settled he's fine, and that she has no idea why he's doing it.

I've tried talking to him and asked if anyone has been horrible to him and he says no. I asked why he cries and he just said he doesn't know.

I've tried insentives, saying we can get sweets after school, we put a list on the fridge of things he can tick to do at the weekend, can tick one thing every day if he doesn't cry but nothing has helped.

In the past he was ve attached, cried when first went to preschool/nursery but with school it was different - he ran in without so much as a backward glance and has loved going ever since so I am at a loss.

He says he likes it at school, nothing has changed at home, so I really don't know what to do any more.


OP posts:
cupsoftea · 21/01/2008 09:07

do you have other kids?

SSSandy2 · 21/01/2008 09:08

How old is he?

LilRedWG · 21/01/2008 09:09

Maybe he's realised that it's permanent and not a short adventure. Sorry, no realy advice, but lots of sympathy.

wannaBe · 21/01/2008 09:10

he's 5 - in reception.

No I don't have other kids.

OP posts:
Chocolatl · 21/01/2008 09:12

my 3yo has done this today, and last week most mornings too. he was so settled and happy there before xmas holidays.
kinda tears your heart out doesnt it?

fullmoonfiend · 21/01/2008 09:12

oh wannabe, hugs. My ds is bright, sociable etc etc but cries every sunday night and has done since nursery school. He is 10
He has learning difficulties and somehow manages to wind up every teacher he has had.

I know he is not being bullied or anything, I think he just has a deep hatred of the school routine, it is torture to him.

But it would be worth talking to your son's teachers again to find out if something is worrying him at school that he's not telling you. It's such an awful feeling, isn't it when something's wrong and you feel you can't help.

Hulababy · 21/01/2008 09:12

When did he start? September or January?

Could be the realisation of school being a permanent change

Or highly likely a tiredness thing - I found DD went through a phase of being more inclined to tears/weepiness whilst in recpetion. So did many of her friends at different times last year. Think they find school so tiring, all that learning and planying all day every day with only two days break. It did pass fairly quickly though.

cupsoftea · 21/01/2008 09:12

does the teacher tell you how long it lasts - could be the separation part but after a few mins he's ok?

wannaBe · 21/01/2008 09:12

I had thought that. But he says he loves to go. And i don't give it any attention - none what so ever. I have seen other kids go through similar and have seen parents tay with them for half an hour or more and the longer they've stayed the worse the situation has been, so I have made a point of just walking away - I will not reward it because IMO if he sees he can get my attention by doing it then it won't help.

If he is genuinely unhappy then I will do everything in my power to make it right but he says he isn't.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 21/01/2008 09:13

Could be something really simple - I remember I used to cry every tuesday because we had hymm practise and the headmaster used to slam the piano lid really loudly if people talked - used to spend the whole hour terrified.

Never told my mum the reason

(sorry that's not really advice)

wannaBe · 21/01/2008 09:16

teacher has said that he is fine as soon as they get started on doing things, so pretty much straight away. I asked him if he cries all day and he said "when miss xx told me to stop I stopped".

OP posts:
Mercy · 21/01/2008 09:18

Wannabe, at the end of last term my dd (Yr 2) started crying every evening after for no apparent reason (she also loves school, no obvious problems etc). It turned out she was just very, very tired.

Reception is a big step up from a pre-school setting - they do get tired and emotional. I hope that's all it is in your ds' case.

Poor thing.

PortAndLemon · 21/01/2008 09:19

Is he getting enough sleep? Starting school is a big drain on energy levels and if he's still tired in the mornings perhaps that's making him tearful.

cupsoftea · 21/01/2008 09:20

perhaps it's just a stage - sounds like he's ok if he's happy to get going with activities.

Must be hard for you though. My dd sometimes cries & I feel awful. The teacher (& other parents) tells me she's happy though when I've left.

stealthsquiggle · 21/01/2008 16:31

I realise you probably have tried this, but have you discussed incentives when he is calm and rational (i.e. not at the time)? On the odd occasions DS has been through similar phases he needed an incentive agreed in advance, and then reminding of it at frequent intervals up to the time in question. In some ways it seems counter-intuitive as you don't want to make an issue of it, but if there is no deep-seated problem then if he keeps whatever it is he really wants in the front of his mind it might help him get through it.

LOL at the "when miss xx told me to stop I stopped" - always provokes the reaction "well why don't you stop when I tell you?" when my DS says it

wannaBe · 25/01/2008 09:02

quick update...

After lots of talking about why he's crying/what's making him unhappy, we've come to the conclusion that it's just that the penny has dropped and he's come to realize that this is it and that he has to go to school and that he just wants to stay home some days. Explained that he has to go to school and that once he's not crying he's really happy there, which he confirmed, always comes out full of what they've learned etc so we continued the approach of not pandering, not giving any attention to the behavior etc.

He has cried every day this week despite offering insentives/telling him he can have sweets after school etc. Every morning he got up and said "I'm not going to cry today mummy" and every morning he cried. This was made slightly worse by the fact they had a supply teacher in yesterday who was not aware of the fact we're not pandering to this behavior and so she gave him loads of attention and cuddles yesterday which just exaserbated the situation. However...

Yesterday afternoon his regular reception teacher was back, and she told him that if he cried this morning he wasn't going to be getting golden time. He loves his golden time.

So I thought I would aid this situation, so this morning we went to the shop before school and bought some biscuits for him to take in for them all to have at golden time. and...

He ran in without so much as a backward glance.

So am hoping that we've now broken the cycle.

although am a bit that teacher clearly holds some power that I do not!

OP posts:
fryalot · 25/01/2008 09:07

that's really good news, wannabe.

Not surprised you're a bit but tell yourself that it's all about school and parents working together to make sure your ds is happy at school.

Well done for finding a solution and not giving in to him.

Good luck on Monday, hope he keeps it up.

stealthsquiggle · 25/01/2008 16:14

Good news - As you say, with luck, the cycle is broken - oh the power of Golden Time!!

A group of mothers did debate whether we could get DS's teacher to offer them an out-of-school golden time scheme so that we could get perfect behaviour at home in return for 15 minutes with specific toys once a week and a piece of paper at the end of term - even with a management charge from the teacher it would be cheaper than bribes rewards

A useful induction into the fact that teachers are always right - and mothers rarely are!!

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