Move schools for year 6? One DC so unhappy.

[Wartywendy]

Hi - dilemma here. DC have always been relatively happy at primary. There have been a few changes over the last couple of years we have not been happy with but on balance, decided to stick with it.

When new classes were announced a couple of weeks back, one DC has been separated from all of her friends. They’ve gone from two year five and two year six classes to three mixed year five/year six due to falling numbers and split the children accordingly, roughly 6-7 girls from her year in each class. Not one of this group is her friend. Sounds crazy but it’s almost as though the 10-12 girls she is friends with are 50-50 in class 6A or 6B and she is alone in class 6C.

DC is obviously very upset and despite our best efforts to reassure her, does not want to go back to school like this, split from friends for her final year. Tried to talk to the school and ask how this had happened but to no avail and told that the welfare team could help her if she was struggling. She’s never struggled! She got an outstanding report, is exceeding in all areas and has never been a bother. I honestly think she suffers from ‘quiet, well-behaved girl’ syndrome, ie they thought she’d be ok anywhere as she generally gets on well with people.

What they don’t see is the ten year old who may put on a brave face at school but is now crying herself to sleep at night as she doesn’t understand. She’s switched on enough to know that our reassurances are platitudes and it has been a very odd mix up, objectively speaking.

So - do we vote with our feet and move entirely as the school are not at all receptive to comment or criticism? Or make her tough it out? She has told me - in her words - that she doesn’t want to move schools but she doesn’t want to go to that school and be sad everyday. Breaks my heart. FWIW other DC happy and with friends so that to consider too.

TIA

😉 I'd leave her, she'll see her friends at break, lunch and going ti and from school.

Even if she does know people at the alternative school there is no guarantee that she'll be in their class or the friendship dynamics would work with the other girls

School have obviously grouped them academically, so you know she'll be with people who are academically at the same level.

Don't know why their is a wink in there!

I'd
a) not countenance moving the younger DC, even if you move your DD
b) ask her to give it a go until say half term. if she is still unhappy then and wants to move, then move her

Maybe after she's gone back after a few weeks, if she's still distressed about it, have a meeting with the head and stress as much as possible the damaging effect its having on her, it's meant to be her last year and she hasn't settled in, they should consider her wellbeing considering they have isolated her.
If you moved just her to another school, is it far? Could she walk herself or with a friend since she's in year 6?

I think just moving her, and not the other DC, is a much more sensible option to explore - realistically it is only for 10 months, so if it is doable then personally I would prefer the logistically hassle to the disruption to the other DC.

Something to think about is Y7 destinations - does the other school feed in to the same secondary/the secondary you want? Because that is really important.

In year 6 she should be able to walk to school on her own or at least part way there if you dropped her. I would say to go where she will be happiest then if there is a space in a different local school.

I think I would send her back in September and see how things are after a few weeks. If she is still upset and it is not working out, complain to the school and ask for a solution. You can then show that despite your misgivings, you have tried it their way and then it still has not worked out. We mix up our classes but we do try very hard to make sure each child can express a preference for some children they would be happy to be with. We would only not do this if there was a very good pastoral reason why not such as behaviour or welfare issue. I wouldn't be moving school until you have tried the new class and tried to fix this.

I feel for you both but I think this could be one of those situations where the anticipation is worse than the reality. She- and you- may spend the summer hols worrying about it, but actually, once she gets back into the swing of school and gets to know these other girls and boys a bit better, she might well be totally fine.

You say she's never struggled until now with school or friends- have confidence in her (even if she doesn't have it in herself) that it will be ok. Perhaps not wonderful, perhaps not the dream end of school, perhaps she'll still feel a bit glum about it- but it's far from the end of the world. In fact it's possibly quite a good lesson to learn- that "the worst" can sometimes happen, but that it's usually actually bearable and liveable-with?

In the meantime, would it be weird to suggest meeting up with some of the other girls in the summer? Maybe there are one or two who she's always overlooked for some reason but who are actually nice and could be nice new friends?

I’d leave her for now & try work with the school & via the Governor’s if need be. When you have a child that’s “fine at school” but an anxious mess at home they just don’t see it until it impacts them somehow. You will need to become “that” parent to get her moved classes or as I had to do request a meeting & take my husband for them to actually take us seriously 🙄

Our school juggled classes for y6 and on the last day of y5, dc always came out crying. Some had been in the same class as friends since YR. Others had always got shunted around. Y6 should never be a time for change but your school has falling rolls so not much choice.

Im amazed they don’t set for sats. In this situation it’s vital as y5 are in the class. They really will need to teach the y6 curriculum to y6 alone and do sats practice. I would ask the head how this will work. What arrangements are in place for teaching the y6 curriculum and ensuring the y5 curriculum is not repeated?

Don’t ask to see the chair of governors. It’s nothing to do with them as this is a purely operational decision snd one for SLT. Next year your DD will be at secondary school with loads of new faces. See this as early prep for that. Her friends are still there. Make loads of effort to see them in the holidays and do the same next term. Keep going with after school clubs. She might even make new friends. She wi presumably work with y6 children. They cannot all be awful in her new class? It’s not easy but it’s possible to soften the blow.,

Please don’t go to the Chair of Governors. Decisions about class allocations are operational and not part of the governor’s remit. You will just get bounced back to the headteacher. The chances are that the decision has been made because your child is seen as confident and able to cope with the change. As shit as it may seem you need to wait and see how she does cope now. If it really doesn’t go well you will then have reason to ask for adjustments. The anticipation is always worse though and as a parent your job is to try and play it down as much as you can (which you are already) Good luck