Anyone ever moved to a new area (and therefore new school) and had problems with new school?

[katierocket]

If so, did you move them? How was that?
DS1 (6 yrs) has been at new school for a term and it's just not right. It's nothing really major (although lots of things not quite right), but there are issues on the social side of things and how the school is run (or not) by the headteacher. It is a small village school and quite cliquey and I wonder if my judgement is being clouded by that.

Anyway, would love to hear experiences.

It's very depressing. I feel such guilt that we've moved him from fantastic school he used to be at.

bump - gosh I'd forgotten how fast active convos moves at this time of night.

Katie, no advice but will bump for you.

In fact, pulling our dc out of their excellent school is what is stopping us moving to a different area where we could afford a bigger house for the same budget. Because I have a fear of no school being a match for our current one, so will watch this with interest.

I hope you get your problems sorted

Hmm. Well, we moved in summer and DS went into a new school in year 2. He's taken a while to settle and misses his best friend, but I don't want to move him again. I've talked to the teacher quite a bit about things and mostly have sorted things out. Difficult though cos I keep comparing with his previous school, which was lovely in lots of respects so a hard act to follow.

As it happens when I was little, we also moved when I was six. I changed schools again when I was seven due to an awful incident where I was disciplined in front of the whole school for something I hadn't done, and my mum had already discussed with the head. New school was great and I settled really quickly, and I suspect the incident was the last straw for my mum in a series of problems, but she wouldn't have moved me without that.

Sorry, bit rambly, but have you talked to the teacher?

Friends of ours moved as husband made redundant and eventually not a new job miles away. The eldest boy HATES his new school - he is being terribly bullied and school doesn't care.

Now they find out that lots of parents are pulling their kids and home educating! There is no other alternative school.

Their house is now back on market so they can move to another schools catchment

Katierocket

Would this be the 3rd move for your DS1 (if it went through)?

I would trust your instincts. Unfortunately, village schools can be quite cliquey, even though they are often academically good. However, your DS may perhaps be happier in a larger metropolitan primary with a variety of kids, clubs etc and more 'going on'. A friend of mine has just moved her son (in Reception) and the move has transformed him.

You'll know when you've found the right school for your son.

thanks everyone, it really helps to have different viewpoints. It's kind of a long story - in essence the school he's at now is OK but they made a total hash of helping him integrate and consequently he had some playground problems. Plus he was terrified of one particular teacher (that he had for half a day) to the point were he was crying and hysterical the night before he had him. The way the school handled it really rung alarm bells for me (because essentially they didn't). That teacher has left now but I worry for the long term. Plus there are other issues that on their own are small but altogether make me think that although it's OK, it's not great. And yes, I do compare it to his old school (which I probably shouldn't) which was fantastic.

We have found another near us that has a place and seems really nice but putting him through the whoel being new thing again and having to try and make friends again really scares me.

ANd sorry, yes critterjitter it would be the 3rd move if we move him

But what you have to weigh up is what he's going through now, and has gone through, against what he MAY (because he may not!) go through in a new school.

Sometimes these small village schools seem idyllic from the outside to us as parents, but kids may just not enjoy them (cliques, rigidity etc).

Kids are very flexible at this age. Yes, he may have made friends at the village school, but you can't base all future decisions on this. Remember that they may all fall out next week and then you'd be wondering why you passed up the place at the other school!

If you genuinely feel that his happiness lies in the other school, then you owe it to both of you to try it. Does he know anyone at the 3rd school?

But what you have to weigh up is what he's going through now, and has gone through, against what he MAY (because he may not!) go through in a new school.

Sometimes these small village schools seem idyllic from the outside to us as parents, but kids may just not enjoy them (cliques, rigidity etc).

Kids are very flexible at this age. Yes, he may have made friends at the village school, but you can't base all future decisions on this. Remember that they may all fall out next week and then you'd be wondering why you passed up the place at the other school!

If you genuinely feel that his happiness lies in the other school, then you owe it to both of you to try it. Does he know anyone at the 3rd school?

If he goes to the new school he won't know anyone, it will be a complete new start.
I agree that the dilema is whether putting him through the stress of moving again and having to start from scratch again is worse or better than leaving him where he is. God it's so hard to know.

Have you taken him for a walk/ tour around the other school? Have you toured round it? If so, what were your initial impressions?

My DD is in a village school and really doesn't enjoy it. Its just not 'her.' But the school tell me all the time how well she is doing blah blah blah (I know that sounds rude, but it just sounds like the school line when you know that your child is unhappy). I do think about taking her out and putting her in another school thats a bit more metropolitan, with a wider range of things for her to do and a better mix of children to meet, but that would involve moving too.

Funnily enough the school DS's in say the same thing, but the message we get back from him is very different.
Yes we've looked around the other school and I really liked it. He's not been round it yet. I did have a flash vision while I was there though of him in a new uniform being the new child again. But it does seem like a much better school. I guess it's so hard to tell as an outsider.

What is it about her school that your DD doesn't like?

KR, when we moved here we came from a brilliant school too, I looked at all the schols and chose the one that I felt would have the best atmoshpere for the Dsses being the new boys(ds1 was in yr2, ds2 was going into reception), fortunatley for us my choice was absolultey 1000% thr right one.

The other school was on par with our old school but the headmistress frightened me so heaven knows how the children coped with her...

Anyway, if I was in your shoes now I#d ask the Dsses how they felt about changing agin and take them around the new school, I'd take them a few times and differnet times of the day so that can really see what the other was like.
If ds is unhappy at his present school and like the other school after a few visits I would change without a second thought.

Sorry he's going through this, I kow you were worried about it before you moved so I hope it all gets sorted soon.

god, typos galore in that...sorry.

Thanks LTH, that's helpful and yes I remember you posting really helpful comments on that thread before we moved. I'm not sure what to tell current school about why we'd be taking DS out to look around other schools? should I just be honest do you think? I'm frightened that my judgement is off because when I looked around his current school I thought it seemed fine (headteacher a bit odd but fine). Actually that kind of sums up how it is, it's "fine" but not more than that and the headteacher is odd and a bit crap and therein lies the problem. It's just whether the other school would be so much better that it's worth risking the upheaveal again.

I would be honest, too bad if they don't like it.

If ds isn;t happy there and you're not happy then personally I think the best option is to change. Don't try and ride it out....

because Ds isn't happy I would make ahuge effort to gethim to visit as many time as possible, then he won't be the totally new boy and he'll recognise people too.

Katierocket
I think its the 'cliqueyness' that worries her most. She hasn't made any special friends and worries constantly about this. She can't seem to break into the cliques either. However, I know that in other settings, she's always a popular girl with a little crowd of friends around her (like you, I moved her from another school).

Quite a few (well actually more than that!) of the parents are also very competitive and I think that rubs of on the children. Its a constant "who's got the most playdates/stickers/christmas cards?"contest at pickup time.

She just seems very stressed and worried all of the time and often on the verge of tears (unless I intervene early to stop the crying). However, she used to be a really funny sociable little girl who'd talk to everyone about anything.

The school is excellent academically and they work really hard in terms of socialising them, but I sometimes wonder if they are pushing them too hard. But, on the occasions that I've spoken to the school about her, they give me glowing reports about her behaviour/ work/ ability to make friendships etc. I did actually tell her teacher once that her stress levels (since she'd come to the school) were driving me to tears as well. But she just kept reiterating that nothing was wrong at their school etc.

God gritter you could be talking about my DS when you say this "She hasn't made any special friends and worries constantly about this. She can't seem to break into the cliques either. However, I know that in other settings, she's always a popular girl with a little crowd of friends around her (like you, I moved her from another school)." His end of year reception report was so lovely, yes great academically but all about how kind and sociable and popular he was (not life and soul of the party popular) but always happy and playing with someone plus he had two very close friends.
I don't know, it really is such a difficult decision isn't it.

DO you find the mum's cliquey too or are they friendly?

Yes, the mums are very cliquey and I think this rubs off onto the kids. What about at your DS's school?

One thing that really worried me the other day was that DD said to me in a very matter of fact voice: "Nobody talks to me at my school, you know. Thats not very nice is it?" Its difficult, because I appreciate that kids friendships change, but sometimes you just get a bad feeling about something, and it won't go away.

When I compare this all to her old school, I'm convinced something is amiss. I was always having invitations thrust at me and mums inviting us round. In fact, we're still in touch with a couple of the kids.

I actually have the prospectus for another school and went to have a peek around the other day. But its going to involve a house move as well, if I decide to go for it.

Yes critter, they're not the friendlest bunch! The irony is that when we talked abotu moving here lots of people said how lovely and friendly a small village school would be. Reality is very different; I'm sure they are friendly - as long as you're not an outsider! His previous large town school was a hell of a lot friendlier.

It's sad that your DD said that, it sounds like the kind of thing my DS says, it breaks your heart doesn't it. The question is whether moving them would be better and worth the initial trauma. I just can't decide the answer.

Yep, I had the same. People kept telling me what a lovely little school it was, how lucky DD was to get into it etc etc. But, the reality is that it feels like an endurance test at times, for both of us. I definitely get the impression that we are seen as the outsiders too!

Are you still out there Katierocket?