Moving school when child is happy

[MayMiracle]

Hi,

i wondered if anyone has been through a similar experience and could offer any insight, or opinion.

My ds 8 is happy at the local primary, with a good group of friends and sense of community. However, he is in a class of 32 and lagging further and further behind, an initial screening assessment summarised he likely is dyslexic - and we are due the full report in November. I imagine he falls into the category of not severe enough to warrant any funded extra support, but severe enough that he is always behind, and increasingly struggling. He sits outside in small intervention groups but they are very generalist and not specific to his needs.

We can move him to a small independent (class of 18) with an excellent pastoral, holistic reputation, flexible learning approach and excellent measurable progress results for children such as he. But, it is further away and therefore won’t have the same sense of community.

i am in a dilemma. He doesn’t have a standardised mind, so struggles with the national curriculum standardised approach (phonics decoding, recall etc), so would likely benefit from more flexibility. But he is a happy, sociable, child instinctively good natured - who loves his current school. My DH is fully on the side of the move to give him the help he needs, I worry far more about his emotional health and moving a happy child.

Some objective advice would be very welcome.

I would move him for the educational benefits alone. I volunteer in a primary and have seen a massive shift after lockdown with a lot of children needing intervention work like never before. I think a lot of schools are scrambling.

Does he attend any activities outside school? Any clubs that he would get a sense of community from? We moved when the children were 7 and 4 but kept them in the same primary school. It was now a 15 minute drive away, we still did play dates etc and I was more than willing to drive the children back to their homes due to distance. We parked a few minutes walk from school so they still walked with friends for a little bit.

You will still be in the same house so if he plays with children locally that probably won't change much and you can still arrange play dates even if they attend different schools.

@MayMiracle , has your ds had a trial day at the possible new school? Trial days often help make decisions.

Thank you both for your replies.

@TwigsBarkFlowers Yes, he does do lots of extra curricular stuff with friends from his current school. So you’re right that that will maintain contact with his existing buddies.

@hockeygrass yes, a few. Each time he’s come away with a mixed feeling & saying he feels muddled in his tummy. He really struggles with change though, of any kind - though does usually adjust given time.

I just feel like it’s a trade between his current emotional happiness & contentment vs. a future of falling further & further behind affecting his sense of self and prospects.

If anyone has a crystal ball, I’ll pay top dollar for it 😃

The good thing to focus on would be that he would be starting at the other school in September for ease. He will have had a big summer break from his current school which may make the transition easier than if he moved mid-year.

Could you possibly organise meeting up with any of his new classmates at a park over the summer rather than at a house? It may help if he knew other children before he starts then every face isn't a new one.

When we moved we moved for an outstanding secondary so I knew at that point that my sons wouldn't know anyone at that new school. Ds1 had a velcro best friend from reception so after 7 years that was a hard thing not to be at school with his mates from primary. However, he knew it was for the best and he thrived.

I would definitely take the emotional impact now at 8 than feeling like you are potentially in the low ability category at secondary. Far more damaging when you factor in all the other pressures of secondary and the self awareness that comes with that.

I completely believe in doing what is right for your child , I sent my child to a small village school he has , ASD, SPD and is currently going through the dyspraxia assessments but he is doing amazing and has made progress I never thought he would and it's down to how amazing his school are and how In tune they are with him something I feel wouldn't have happened if he would of gone to local town school.
however one thing I would bear in mind if it applies to you is if he has younger siblings and what school they would go to ? I'm in the awful situation that DD2 hasn't been offered a place at DS1 school and am now in impossible position of what to do.
if this doesn't apply to your son or you have support to manage school runs , or the school in question priories siblings in their admission policy's I would absolutely go for it. I think it's something to be took in account , and something I wish I had given more thought too at the time of picking a school to support my sons needs.

I don’t think this is a simple case of moving a happy child from one school to another for some frivolous reason.
Your child’s needs aren’t being met at his current school. And it will only get worse as time progresses. And inevitably, he will notice and be a lot less happy there anyway.

But generally speaking - I strongly believe that the role of the parent is NOT to optimise short term happiness, but to focus on what is best for the child the long term.
This is why we don’t just feed our kids chocolates and allow them to glue themselves to screens, etc.
This is not really different. He may be unhappy for a bit upon changing schools, but he is still small, so he’ll adjust. And, most importantly - he’ll have a chance of getting more out of school.

Another thing to consider is that your son may become less happy over time at his current school with a potential impact on his self esteem as he gets older and becomes more aware that he is not learning in the same way or the same pace as the other children. A more tailored approach could avoid this.

I personally wouldn't move him. I always feel a childs emotional well-being and happiness should come first personally in these formative years. If you can afford private school maybe invest in 1-1 tutoring instead to catch up? Can always move to a non selective private school for secondary.