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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

So disappointed in school- how to approach head

45 replies

Willow33 · 28/06/2022 10:18

DD in year 4 is above average ability (as is over half the class) in our local state school.
There are lots of confident, extrovert children who are happy to take centre stage and get picked for things. Even the children who have behaved poorly but have a good subsequent week get star of the week etc
However DD age 9, who is quiet, well behaved and does all her work well, gets no recognition. This has happened every year she has been there, except in year 2 when her teacher did.

Dd has asked me why did those boys who hit and bullied another boy in the class get rewarded but she doesn't.

If I go and say something to her teacher, an NQT, it will be like her getting a reward as tokenism. That's what happened in Reception.

I feel so disappointed in the school; it gets by academically as most parents will get their children tutors from year 4 to do the 11+ exam.

I don't know how to approach the school as it feels they- head and deputy- don't listen.
Homework is not marked, Fridays there is no school work. Their class teacher often keeps the whole class in to miss a lot of their break when it is due to a few noisy boys. It is over 2/3 boys in the class.

If I could move dd, I would but we can't afford private and other schools are full nearby. DD likes the school and has friends so is happy in that sense but obviously i can see how there are gaps.

A lot of the other parents are my friends and so I know they aren't happy and have gone to see the head about the class teacher. The head just gets very defensive.

Would appreciate advice

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BiFoldChampion · 29/06/2022 07:23

Oh and speak with the HT!

declutteringmymind · 29/06/2022 07:30

Ok so firstly look at their behaviour policy - are there any examples that you can give that don't follow this.

Then look at their ethos. Is your child's experience of this differ?

Then write a complain to the headteacher, or make an appointment for a chat with them to outline your concerns.

P205 · 29/06/2022 07:47

It sounds like they just have a crap teacher this year. I’d hang in there until next year and make a note of your points to discuss with the new teacher.

Things like how do they ensure the quieter children aren’t overlooked. How do they ensure the well-behaved children are also rewarded. How can they ensure the well-behaved children aren’t punished for the actions of others. I think they are all valid points.

I would also set up a reward system at home. Go through her homework with her, if you have time. A stamp chart and something she wants as a reward.

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 29/06/2022 14:51

Honestly it sounds like it happens in lots of schools! they bloody use it to encourage the poorly behaved children. My daughter is the same age as your child and has faced the exact same, never gets the rewards because it's either the very top of the class few or the badly behaved children. She's exceeding expectations in all areas never wins class dojo or gets nominated for star of the week. She won class dojo in year 1 as most of the class were not doing the homework in lockdown where as I made sure it was all done even though I was working! She had star of the week in year 2 once. It's heartbreaking for them and it upsets me that the schools do this!

DietCoke99 · 29/06/2022 17:06

@fuckfuckfuck2021 that sounds just like us

@P205 Good advice.

@declutteringmymind I am going to relook at their behaviour policy and go and meet with the head to discuss how good behaviour is rewarded

PenBrush · 29/06/2022 17:13

I think children "get" this better than the parents do. They're getting rewarded when they've done well for them. If DD is "good" all the time, she'll get rewarded when she does better than that.

DS once got a sticker for answering his name in the register, which was huge then, as he hadn't been able to speak up previously you'd never know it now The other children, even at reception age, recognised that what came easily for them wasn't so easy for him, just as he understood that sitting quietly was much harder for some children than it was for him.

declutteringmymind · 29/06/2022 19:03

@PenBrush I agree. In a world that is so competitive, this type of rewards teaches children that they are on their own journey, with their own milestones.

Anotherdayanotherdisappointment · 29/06/2022 19:17

fuckfuckfuck2021 · 29/06/2022 14:51

Only 39 weeks in the year and 30 child per class so most only get star of the week once.

DietCoke99 · 30/06/2022 15:48

@Anotherdayanotherdisappointment Untrue in our case. They give out 2 stars of the week minimum each week and can be 3 or 4 sometimes.

Ohthatsexciting · 30/06/2022 17:16

DietCoke99 · 30/06/2022 15:48

@Anotherdayanotherdisappointment Untrue in our case. They give out 2 stars of the week minimum each week and can be 3 or 4 sometimes.

So the school are even managing to dilute the reward system.

op - as I say, I’d be putting my child’s name down on another school…. Today.
and I’d be securing a private tutor so she gets the 1-2-1 and focus and praise her school seem unable to provide

DietCoke99 · 02/07/2022 22:54

I want DD to leave but DH is against it as he feels its too much of an upheaval. We have got maths and English tutors and DH does reasoning tests with her. Two more years left here. I can't stand it. However, I am going to get a meeting with the Head.

Disneyblueeyes · 02/07/2022 23:03

None of these issues seem that massive to me, and not worth moving school over IMO.

Yellowmellow2 · 03/07/2022 10:20

vipersnest1 · 28/06/2022 10:39

Approach a governor. The head won't be able to ignore it or sweep it under the carpet.

Governors are not allowed to get involved in operational matters. They are strategic leaders and can only act as a board and not individually. There seems to be a perception that they are somehow above the head and that they can instruct the head to do something differently. This is absolutely not the case.

if you want to complain then follow the complaints procedure but you have to be very clear about what you want the outcome to be, and you’ll have to meet with the head initially. It may then end up with a panel of governors, but not necessarily.

Crazyhousewife · 03/07/2022 10:50

My son had the opposite at school. A star of the week when he first started for settling in great, then I noticed that it was the children who did well time after time who got stars of the week. My child is very well behaved and eager to please but it was those who excelled academically and helped with the ofsted report that were rewarded. Also any extra booster classes were also offered to those children who did well even though those who aren’t excelling were not offered the booster classes. You get it with every school, there’s a way of doing things. What you are describing happened in one of sons schools a couple of years ago and many parents took the kids out because of it.

Ohthatsexciting · 03/07/2022 11:06

Disneyblueeyes · 02/07/2022 23:03

None of these issues seem that massive to me, and not worth moving school over IMO.

Depends what you think is reasonable to expect from the school educating your child,

and homework not being mark
no work on fridays
a newly qualified teacher resorting to regular “yelling”
and a pathetic reward system (multiple stars a week and “everyone’s a winner (especially if you’ve been naughty and marginal improvement in behaviour”)

is not what I want for my children

FreezyFreezy · 03/07/2022 11:20

I think I would absolutely hate to work at this school with all the parents moaning and complaining to her and to the headteacher about every decision she tries to make; this complaining is probably meaning she feels she has to change tactics in order to find something that works, which will only lead to children either getting confused or them knowing how to pit her against their parents and them having no respect for her authority and feeling they can misbehave.

The Friday thing: does she have her PPA and NQT time then? If so, she might leave all the foundation subjects for that day and the children feel they're not "working" because their parents have drummed it into them that only written work is work.

In all the schools I have worked in, it's really not a case of, "only the naughty kids get it." My own ds gets it quite a lot despite coming across as "naughty" in some ways. He's not at all; he has adhd and, possibly, autism and struggles a lot with managing his emotions and the school recognises that. Most children are intrinsically rewarded as they enjoy the work but some children need that outside encouragement instead and that is what you're seeing.

Leave the teacher to make her own judgement, let her get on with her job and just concentrate on your own child. Stop gossiping about her perceived failings.

Chewbecca · 03/07/2022 11:27

I would ignore it all. Your DD is happy and doing well. Don’t disrupt her, leave it well alone is my opinion. No need for a meeting with the head or to resolve anything. Get a job or something to distract you from the minutiae of her school life.

ChnandlerBong · 05/07/2022 10:04

I think the issue here is that OP and the other parents are relying on what their 8 year olds are telling them?

Star of the week is one thing - which as outlined she should discuss with the teacher/Head. But the other issues (goggles/homework/sweets/yelling) - are just gossip IMO.

Schools will have behaviour and homework policies. If you have serious doubts that these are being consistently applied then you should speak to the Head/teacher.

But overall your child is happy and thriving. Surely that's what we're all looking for in a primary school?

Why on earth would you move schools without calmly considering the situation first? What if the next school also gives star of the week/sweets rewards that you don't like?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 10:07

StopStartStop · 28/06/2022 11:50

My dd is 40 and her school experience was like this. Rewards are used to encourage good behaviour. If you're already 'good', you don't need to improve and so don't get a reward. It stinks.

Agree with this, it's so disheartening.

kewgirl · 05/07/2022 10:20

Are you in the class
Why do you think your child deserves recognition
How do you known how good her work is
No offence here but we all think our kids are great

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