Being the poor family in a school in an affluent area

[SaschaHendrick]

My son is due to start recpetion in September. He hasnt been given a place at ant of our top choice schools and has been assigned to a school that I really dont want him to attend so I have been looking at alternatives. We have a school just outside of our catchment area that I love and we have been told that they have space for my son from September which is great. But I am having doubts regarding the area as it is quite an affluent area and our household income is below average and I am worried that my son my feel left out by not having all of the toys and holidays the other kids have or maybe even the other kids making fun of him for being poor.

Another point that I have doubts about is that the majority of the school kids seem to have parents from the local area where as I am an immigrant althoygh my son was born here and has citizenship. Im worried that this could be another factor that makes him an outsider in the school.

Does anyone have any experience of being the poor family in an affulent area and can reassure me that its not that big of a problem?

We never had an issue really although we were one of the less affluent families - so I made sure we do the fun stuff. When kids came for playdates we made our own pizzas or burgers or meatballs from scratch and cook and eat, cook cup cakes or similar. We go pond dipping, or dig vegetables from the allotment. We'll have a water fight in the garden. We'll go visit the pig farm (friends of mine) and checkout the piglets or their newborn puppies. It's not expensive play dates - many parents seem to prefer the indoor play which is my idea of hell - but you'll find a lot of kids will have never done any of those activities, and given a bit more of a free rein than they might at home (one kid had never been allowed a water fight for example, another had never cooked their own tea because of the mess) but overall they seem to FAR prefer our house to theirs, yet mine seem to like the pools and home cinemas of theirs.

I think being a 'poor' family in an affluent area is often more difficult for the parents than the child.

We are that family - we actually have a decent income, lovely house, nice holidays. However it pales in comparison to some of the dc's friends who live in (literal) mansions on the coast or rural estates...state school but it covers a very large, mainly wealthy catchment. There are lower income families too...but both of my dc's close friendship group happen to be at the v wealthy end of the spectrum, far more than us.

As a parent, you need to accept that you'll be hearing about Josie's stable of ponies and how Will is spending the summer in the families Italian lake house and how Sam has just got back from Miami.

The older they get the more they're aware and its silly to suggest that kids don't notice. No one is particularly 'overtly' flashy at my dcs school...but 14 year olds having a phone worth a grand and an understated coat that's worth £200 is just an accepted norm. If you're the type of parent that will stress and worry about that and are not comfortable in your own circumstances, I can imagine it would be pretty miserable.

My siblings and me were the poor ones in a school that my oldest sibling got into in a very low birth year and the rest of us slid in as a sibling chain.

Mostly it was fine, I knew why we were different pretty much from the beginning, i was the only free school meals kid in my class and they gave me a wristband to wear so the dinner ladies knew and could mark it off.
But I never felt that odd, it was fine.

Some of the other parents were a bit crap though, one mum didn't want her daughter mixing with someone like me so was always snippy and did everything in her power to direct her kid toward the nice little girls from their side of town. She would always 'forget' to invite me to birthday parties until the last minute, if I went round to play she would sort of brag (to me, a 7 year old who did not care) about the nice things in their house or the games consoles they had and wouldn't talk to my family at school events. Which was just a bit silly as me and her daughter were best friends the whole way through school, I had lots of friends and found that none of the kids cared or even noticed.

The other parents were all quite rude to my mum, and that was the first thing i actually noticed and asked my Mum why they were mean to her.

Mostly it was fine, teachers were extra nice to me, kids never cared, I got to go to school clubs and some trips for free etc
Just wish the parents had been less rude but as a little child you dont notice that either. My mum told me as an adult she thought they all seemed insecure, like they wanted to be seen as different from us. But it just made them seem petty and bad mannered so she said it reflected worse on them than it ever did on her.

Hmmm sometimes parents who say "its fine noone cares/notices" are those who are not the ones who are struggling/worse off and not eally aware of all the small things that make a difference.

Mine went to the local school which j am so pleased about as they are aware of the variety of backgrounds. Yet at the local grammar skiing holidays/sailing club are genuinely common. As well as stated above everyone has an iphone/decent coat.

We've gor a refurbished phone but even that wasn't cheap. Similarly with gojng to visit other houses. People say "oh we dont mind" on here but are usually thinking of other 3 bed houses for example. There's been plenty of threads on here sjowing that people DO judge or DO care when it's driving into the housing estate to a flat or somewhere not so nice unfortunately.

There was a shocking thread recently wjere lots of people admitted they wouldnt invite people home for play dates unless they were people like them/the right sort :( It was all "its fine to mix at school" and probably the same people that say "oh it doesnt matter" yet in reality only invite people back that are from the right area/not poor.

Can you go look around your options? My children go to an oversubscribed outstanding Ofsted primary in an affluent area. It’s fine but the behaviour of the kids can be less than great. It’s certainly not some utopia. I would want to focus on the school that has the best anti bullying policy and pastoral care.

Our son is growing up in a modest 5 bedroom detached on a private estate.

Firat time I've heard 'modest' and '5 bedroom detached on a private estate' in the same sentence 🤣🤣🤣.

That’s the text book definition of a humble brag 🤭

My kids went to a ridiculously affluent primary school and the kids and parents are unfailingly kind and inclusive. They had a tight knit class from reception yet welcomed the newcomers over the years with open arms - we know because the new parents told us. it’s about the people, not their wealth.

This thread hasnt really done much to put my mind at rest. I have a visit with the head of the school we have been assigned to tomorrow to get some clarity on the points that really put me off the school and this week I am hoping, really hoping to be told that we have a space at the school that was my first choice. We are top of the waiting list and there is a rumor that one of the families are going to withdraw so all of this stress might have been for notbing and we may end up with a space in my preferred school. Anyway im going to wait a few more days and see how the week pans put before making a decision regarding enrolment in the affluent school.

Thank you to everyone who shared their experiences