Hi, I was hoping to get some advice as my 4 year old started reception in September & has been struggling with learning & his behaviour at school. My DS is 4 & birthday is in July. In the last 24 months he has been stop start in Pre-school due to COVID & we have moved house just before starting reception so he has experienced a fair amount of change in this period.
He has struggled this year with settling in, focusing on tasks he has been asked to do & has had behavioural issues with pushing, hitting & scratching. The start of the year was difficult as we were regularly being called in to be told he was behind & showing bad behaviour. My wife & I do discipline him for showing these behaviours at home by taking toys away, naughty step etc but nothing seems to cut through. We speak to him about his bad behaviour at School confirming it is not acceptable and trying to find out the cause. The common theme has been around him struggling to communicate with the other children when he wants to play with them which often resorts to him pushing or hitting which in turn leads him to getting into trouble. He has been Sen assessed is getting support from ELSA & we have referred him for speech & language. He is struggling with reading & writing at school but does it at home. He does phonics & blending at home but only just starting to show this at school to such an extent we have had to send the school videos of him showing these skills at home. He also has no problem communicating with friends, family, neighbours, delivery people at home but doesn't display a wider vocabulary at school. He also seems to have no issues with other children at after-school club, parties/playdates or any of the club's he attends outside of school.
Since Easter his behaviour has been much better he has been showing the school improvements with phonics, blending & reading but still has confidence issues speaking with his peers outside his chosen friendship group of 2-3 which has improved. He has got a school award recently for reading & one for being helpful which we have made sure we have praised to keep momentum & to differentiate between good & bad behaviour. We have felt like we had turned a corner since Easter & the school have confirmed he seems more settled but in the last week he has biten a child on the cheek because he wanted to play with them & today scratched a child drawing blood for the same reason. My wife & I are mortified as this year has been really stressful managing school, work & bills as we both have to work full time but do make sure we make time for our children even if it means stopping working & starting again after bedtime. We do discipline our DS and do not advocate these behaviours but we are aware it must look like we let him get away with murder & we have the added guilt of what he has done to the other children.
Our DS is a good well mannered child at home most of the time but obviously does have the same tantrums, shouting behaviour at times & unfortunately spitting (this has just started in the past
ouple of months) etc as others his age which we address with him. We don't know what else we can do & it does feel to me like he is too young & hasn't developed enough for what is expected of him at school & are hoping he may grow/develop out of these issues but we realise this sounds like an excuse. On the positive side he has no issues going to school & despite the challenges does engage albeit not for the expected duration of time with the teacher.
Any advice on what we can do to help him improve, settle in & interact better at school would be much appreciated as I feel like a failed parent. He is honestly not a bully or malicious (I know you would expect me to say that)
but we know/feel he can't continue as he is & don't want him to appear this way with his peers or for him to get to a stage where he is excluded from play.
We will maintain a consistent approach with him but it would be great to know if anyone else has had a similar experience with their child.
Thanks in advance.