I feel so awful, I have taken my son in to school weeping

[milou2]

as he has earache, it started on Monday. He has had Tues and Wed off and I took him to a lovely respectful and kind nurse yesterday who confirmed that his ear is swollen and must be pretty sore.

My problem is that he is so unhappy with the school and has a lot of time off sick, one of the worst in the school. I feel forced to somehow make sure he isn't off so often, but I feel bullied to do this and so have bullied my lovely DS2 to go in.

I am trying to find a new school for him, I do truly want to listen to him and take his feelings seriously, particulaly since it has taken me so long, years, to start to stand up for myself and my children against mil and my husband. So he has been waiting years for me to not only listen but also to act for him.

The bleeping head is such a manipulating, nasty man, even when I said on Monday confidently and calmly that we were actively looking for a new school for ds2 adn gave the reason that he was unhappy and has been deeply unhappy for literally years now..he said but he can't be unhappy this is such a happy caring school, or words to that effect....ie I am a liar and was in some way dreaming it when DS2 says night after night please home educate me, I just don't want to go back there. He used to say please kill me, I want to die etc, Also 3 times? had small burns on his arm which he couldn't explain.

The class teacher is fantastic, gentle, kind, honest, the best, but there is something wrong at the heart of the school for my son. Lots of other children thrive there and DS1 was adamant he wanted to stay there even when we found private prep school places for them both. So I followed ds1's deep wishes and he was happy there.

But ds2 is a different person and thank god has expressed his feeling again and again and has not given up.

Until a few days ago he had only ever told me how he felt, but has now managed to say a bit to his father. Shows how very uncaring and difficult his dad is, that he doesn't feel safe to share his fears with him.

Thanks for listening.

Ahundredtimes, Milou has written in her op that "it has taken me long years, to start to stand up for myself and my children against mil and my husband." They obviously have been talking therefore - although there are clearly communication problems which don't help. However, the child is unhappy, has unexplained burn marks on his arm, and has said that he would rather die than go back to school. Milou has got him into school, even when he is ill, rather than keep him at home, but it is clear that she now needs to act to support her son.

I totally agree with Flllightattendant that "it is very common to feel that school is an authority not to be messed with, and it may feel very difficult for her to be assertive in this situation and stand up for the little boy she obviously loves to bits."

Of course it is important to keep talking to his teacher and his school, and his lovely class teacher may be able to offer valuable advice, but equally some people only thrive when moved to a new school or in home ed. There is nothing wrong in persuing either of these options, particularly when a child has been unhappy in his existing school for "years".

Yes I see that, but she sounded unhappy and fuddled about it too - and everyone crying 'pull him out' sounded like knee jerk responses to what appears to be rather a complicated situation for her ds and I think for her too.