Primary education for boys

[Mustardmusings]

Hi,

I recently went to a concert by my DS’s school. He’s in reception but it’s a primary school so infant and juniors together. Not a single boy did any sort of performance- all girls rotating through singing and instruments.

He also says none of the boys get onto their top award for behaviour and it’s just the girls that get it.

He’s really bright and no bad behaviour has ever been mentioned to me at parents evenings etc.

I don’t know I just feel a bit sad for him that he’s starting to say girls are better than the boys etc. I know worldwide this obviously isn’t the case and boys very much have the advantage but I just feel a bit sad for him. I don’t really want to do all boys as he likes girls and we don’t really have the money anyway but I just felt a bit sad at the performance

Approach the head explaining that what you are seeing is only girls talents are being showcased and that the bigs are demotivated and saddened by this. Ask what provision there will be to showcase the boys talents.

Primary schools can be very sexist places. I particularly disliked how our old school

put all the girls in beautiful angel costumes and told the boys to dress up as animals at nativity.

Schools can change but they only do it when parents push.

That’s very sad. I’ve noticed many school performances typically just showcase the talents the children have developed outside of school, so the choice of children for the performance may be influenced by external societal values (i.e. the only accomplished musicians and singers they could find were girls).

Do the girls and boys that attend the school typically do different extra curricular activities? What talents does your DS have? Could you suggest some events or in-school activities that showcase his strengths?

I noticed this in DS' previous school - they would get the girls do the singing and the boys do 'other' stuff even though DS was a very very good singer. Boys did rugby and girls did hockey. Moved him to a single sex school, and he can sing, dance, be dramatic, play hockey, whatever it is that he wants to do without worrying about pre-determined 'boxes'.

Such a shame, OP, and no advice, but that's how a lot of co-ed schools are.

Mine is a bit young to have a ‘talent’. He’s very academic and loves learning. I wasn’t expecting him to have a role but just thought it was a shame none of the older boys did anything in the performance as looking ahead I suppose I’d like him to be involved in music etc (if he wants to!)

He’s also getting the message that girls are better than boys which is a shame as he is well behaved etc but seems to be lumped in with ‘the boys’.

@DPLMom

Maybe I should consider single sex for him. I’m surprised they couldn’t find a single male musician in the whole school.

@PineForestsAndSunshine

Yes I think that it’s probably more that the girls are learning instruments etc but I just wondered why. Is it the culture / ethos of the school? I went to a mixed school and loads of boys learned instruments.

DS ended up being the only boy in his Primary school choir. There were quite a few boys in it when he started but they all gradually drifted away, but he clung on until he left to go to Secondary School. I was very proud of him to keep going although some children did comment on it.

Sometimes girls are the more confident ones especially in the earlier years, but opportunities should be given to the boys too. Did your DS say he wanted to do something but wasn’t allowed or picked?

I think that's a shame. DD is at an infant school and they had a talent show. Just kids watching with no parents. They had boys showing their football skills, martial arts, instruments. Maybe they need to widen what can be shown if they want to include everyone.

My old school was so worried by the gender imbalance in music that they started a boys choir. Great success, lots of hard rock, sea shanty songs, introduced percussion accompaniment and music interest shot up across the school. Kids even started to admit they had outside music lessons .You have to start somewhere.

@viques

That sounds amazing - I love a sea shanty!

@toomuchlaundry
My DS had a little role within his class which was nice. It was the junior school pupils that had individual roles but only girls- no boys.

I've taught primary for 20 years and never seen this. The only time it is noticeable is if the school choir performs something as this is run as an after-school club for kids who choose to go and it is majority girls who want to join. I also noticed that when my DC's school did a talent show it was mainly girls but they did auditions and DD said it was mainly girls who auditioned. Both the boys who auditioned got a place in the final. This is something I've noticed outside of school too. DD does drama at weekends and there are almost no boys in the primary age bracket although more seem to join once they hit secondary age.

If we are doing class performances or plays we always choose a mixture of boys and girls. Boys seem to enjoy it just as much so I'm not sure why there is such a disparity at clubs, shows etc.

You would raise it with the school, they can then encourage boys to get involved during the time your ds is there. It’s a real mix at our school, I would hate it to be just the girls. I do agree though that likely most are taught and practice outside school.

I would think though that your ds took less notice of it being all girls than you did though, at that age they really don’t pay much attention, all bigger children are amazing to them.

My DS is in the school choir, and while he's not the only boy about three quarters are girls. Oddly at his out of school drama group there's only 3 girls in the group and the rest are boys (he's 9 so the group straddles late primary/early secondary ages). On the flip side the after school football group is open to all but hardly any girls go.
I'd be more concerned about the behaviour awards if it genuinely is all the girls and none of the boys.

That’s really shocking. Can you approach some other parents? Parents of boys, but also any who work in education Stem, academia, health etc. and go to the head then governors?
They need an urgent action plan.

That’s a good idea. It does seem to need a re think by the school but should involve getting both girls and boys engaged in areas where they are under represented.

I have a boy who loves dancing and dance classes round here are extremely girl dominated. I don't know what the answer is but it isn't ideal.

Obviously equally not right if girls feel they can't play football/rugby/cricket.

@Jules912

I don’t know about behaviour awards as I only have my DS’s word for it. To be fair the girls are better behaved in general (I think!) but mine tends to get lumped in with the other boys and so maybe misses out because of that.

Do you think I should approach the school? I don’t want to be ‘that parent’ when mine isn’t that age yet but it does worry me about the ethos of the school.

@Danascully2

Is it a shame but I think out of school is slightly different from in school. And I thought music was gender neutral but maybe not

Hope your son keeps on enjoying his dancing 🕺

unfortunately at primary school age, single sex schools seem to be the best for both boys and girls.