4 year old struggling in Reception

[Sundayrain]

Just had quite an upsetting parents evening, 4yo DS is pretty far from where teacher would like him to be, particularly in writing but also maths and reading. He currently doesn't really write at all, he tries to copy letters but really struggles and has a very light grip so struggles to make marks. We know we need to work on improving the strength in his fingers and hands so trying to do play dough etc at home but it's so hard to get him to do it. He's very strong willed and I've never really been able to get him to do any activities at home that require sitting at a table focusing, he's very active with an amazing imagination and it's just not what he wants to do! I am seeing some progress with this since starting Reception but he's clearly behind his peers and I feel like I've failed him. He's at a prep school in a very small class so it's just him struggling and needing one to one help in most areas, I'm so upset at the prospect of him noticing that or other kids teasing him. We've got a meeting with the teacher and SENCO after Easter to develop a plan with clear targets for the rest of the year, I guess I just want to hear that there's still lots of time for him to catch up! He's the youngest but is June so not particularly young.

Schools that educate children of 4 through formal education and assessments aren't following best practice, as I understand it.

No, they're not. It's a good way to make education seem like a chore instead of a learning experience.

We're in the US and here they can't start till after their 5th birthday. DS couldn't do any of this stuff age 4 despite being at a preschool, and now (age 6) he's basically fine.

I think 4 is very young. They should just be playing at that age. He will probably be fine in a year or two.

I started learning to read and write at 6yo and it took me 3 months 🤷🏻‍♀️ my whole class was reading by the end of the year.

In the UK I feel it keeps dragging and dragging through 2/3 years..... Do you know how long I said "wow! C-A-T! You can spell cat!"????!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

That's my issue. They could be learning other things, not just play! They could learn about plants, animals, space, human body, countries and cultures, soooo much out there to know!

I'd say it's just age and maturity OP - they are banging their heads against the wall trying to teach him things he is not ready to learn. Go to the SEN meeting and see what they suggest, but unless they have concerns beyond his current learning targets, take it with a pinch of salt.

OP - I literally could have written your post, as we had a disappointing parents evening last week regarding our DS.

He's a May baby but I'd say that half of his school year have already turned 5, so he does seem so much younger. He had really struggled to settle into school but we thought things was improving, so we were a bit floored when his teacher said a SENCO assessment would be conducted and a meeting will be arranged to discuss the results. We're still waiting for a speech and language referral to be completed.

We've tried to encourage reading and writing (and continue to do so) but he's just not interested. We're hoping the school will be able to help with the encouragement, as we just don't know what else to do and I'm worried we're going to f**k up his education.

I think a balanced approach is needed. Yes he’s very young and they can change so much as they mature. Don’t panic, there have been loads of great suggestions on this thread.
However, this ‘all children catch up in the end’ is untrue and something I see on here all the time. Some children will always struggle and will do so unless they are helped to catch up. You said he’s reluctant to do things at home and you haven’t wanted to push him to. I think your focus needs to be on building his perseverance and resilience to try new things and keep going if he finds it hard. E.g. go to the park and try something hard, talk about keeping going, how well he’s doing etc. Put a timer on and practise tracing his name with lots of praise when he remains on task. If he struggles start with 2 minutes then build up.

Sometimes parents dive into ‘doing’ worksheets or what they perceive as being needed when it’s the core skills that need to be built up first.

On the finger strength thing, Lego is great for that if he enjoys it - and is obviously a toy not work ...

4 is definitely young for learning and just having the physical strength to do things - in Scotland they don't start school until 4.5 which makes a big difference - but there's definitely a lot of learning through play involved.

Your son would benefit from small low key one on one every day activities. These things are easy enough to find and do but take time, patience and need doing regularly. The kind of things are mentioned in previous posts.
In my opinion it's fashionable, and therefore easily available, to send young children to activities which are really better suited to older children. Tennis, for example, will be great for some skills, but if your son can't cut out with scissors or trace a line with a pencil then maybe you can balance out the type of activity he does, to include smaller hand based ones. If you want to do something easy, obviously small Lego is great, but a shoe box with, threading beads, wool/ string. Scissors, old newspapers and magazines to cut stuff from. Colouring books to colour and trace lines. These are the things that can be got out at the table and be played with regularly. If he strengthens his precision they writing will be so much easier.

Where we live formal schooling starts at 6 with many children nearly 7 when they start. Before that they have 3 years (3-6) of full time preschool where they develop all the kinds of skills needed to start school. They do no formal writing in this school, not even the alphabet, the only word they write is their name. Once they start compulsory school nearly all children, excluding sen are writing sentences within 6 months

Still so little! I wouldn't hammer home too much writing and maths at home after school when he will have to put in a lot of effort in school, as he finds them a little challenging just now.

He will get there - all children are different. I taught the same class in reception as I now do in year 4. The progress for some is huge and it's wonderful to see. Some children take until year 2, 3 or 4 to see the acceleration in progress and this is really normal.

Hi, I was hoping to get some advice as my 4 year old started reception in September & has been struggling with learning & his behaviour. My DS is 4 & birthday is in July. He has struggled this year with settling in, focusing on tasks he has been asked to do & has had behaviour issues with pushing, hitting & scratching. The start of the year was difficult as we were regularly being called in to be told he was behind & showing bad behaviour. My wife & I do discipline him for showing these behaviours at home by taking toys away, naughty step etc but nothing seems to cut through. We speak to him about his bad behaviour at School confirming it is not acceptable and trying to find out the cause. The common theme has been around him struggling to communicate with the other children when he wants to play with the. which often resorts to him pushing or hitting which in turn leads him to getting into trouble. He has been Send assessed is getting support from ELSA & we have referred him for speech & language. He is struggling with reading & writing at school but does it at home. He does phonics & blending at home but only just starting to show this at school to such an extent we have had to send the school videos of him showing these skills at home. He also has no problem communicating with friends, family, neighbours, delivery people at home but doesn't display a wide vocabulary at school. He also seems to have no issues with other children at after-school club or any of the club's he attends outside of school. Since Easter his behaviour has been much better he has been showing the school improvements with phonics, blending & reading but still has confidence issues speaking with his peers outside his chosen friendship group of 2-3 which had improved. He has got a school award recently for reading & one for being helpful which we have made sure we have praised to keep momentum & to differentiate between good & bad behaviour. We have felt like we have turned a corner since Easter & the school have confirmed he seems more settled but in the last week he has biten a child on the cheek because he wanted to play with them & today scratched a child drawing blood for the same reason. My wife & I are mortified as this year has been really stressful managing school, work & bills as we both have to work full time. We do discipline our DS and do not advocate these behaviours but we are aware it must look like we vlet him get away with murder & we have the added guilt of what he has done to the other children. Our DS is a good well mannered child at home most of the time but obviously does have the same tantrums etc as others his age. We don't know what else we can do & it does feel to us like he is to young & hasn't developed enough for what is expected of him at school but we realise the sounds like an excuse. Any advice on what we can do to help him improve/settle in better at school would be much appreciated.

Ask for an OT referral - practising fine motor skills won’t help if the problems are gross motor and if you say he is struggling with balance it sounds like he needs help with this first.

With ds we had to work on shoulder stability rather than pencil grip to sort out his handwriting.

In the meantime check out OT websites for ideas - build obstacle courses so he has to wriggle under chairs, crawl, roll, drag. The amount of sitting they do in school can be a problem as it sends a signal to the brain to switch off the glutes which effectively weakens the whole body. If you’re doing writing at home, get him to squat and make sure that in school his feet are properly touching the floor.

He is very young. Maybe consider another year in reception? Hello thought of doing this post lockdown and am about to do it in class 2 I think for an August baby…..

Can i please ask, how’s is it going now with your kid? I am exactly at same stage today :( DS is August born and struggling in Reception.