Back to school today - should I make an apt to see dd's teacher? Sensitive Child

[MascaraOHara]

I am the first to admit that my dd is a very sensitive child and I've posted a few times on thread about sensitive children. That said she's also a very happy and content little girl, sociable and well liked.

During the Christmas holidays and over the weeks running up to Christmas my dd has sometimes cried in the evenings/on weekends that she is stupid and no good at anything because she hasn't been asked to take the register in or been given one of the weekly rewards.. she also thinks the teacher doesn't like her because sometimes when she's trying to tell her teacher something she doesn't listen.

I think there is a fine line between being honest (ok my dd isn't the best reader or writer and will need correction) but also scratching away at a child's self esteem and confidence. I don't know whether to toughen up and tell her tough tis the way it is and that she needs to get used to it or whether to try and talk to the teacher and explain how my dd is feeling.

I think half the problem maybe that my dd is quite quiet and very obedient she will always behave herself and do as she's told so probably gets overlooked when people are rewarded for tidying away and what have ytou. (she's 5YO btw).

I just want her to continue enjoying school and grow up confident and happy.

I think I'm rambling now, sorry.. any thoughts?

I think you could tell the teacher that she's anxious about school, but not ask the teacher to do anything particular about the situations you've mentioned as they sound quite reasonable and as if they're something that your dd does have to come to grips with (for example register/weekly awards- presumably only one or two children out of quite a big class get a chance at this- and so they have to take turns as such - presumably your dd will get her turn). 'she's trying to tell her teacher something and she doesn't listen'. I was in ds2's Year 1 class on the last day of term and his teacher was surrounded by children all trying to tell her something at once- I think that's a quite common situation for infant teachers, os it may be that the teacher can't listen as she has so many children badgering her at once.

RE: weekly rewards- they're often not just about academic stuff - ds2 got a headteachers award the last week of last term (2 get them from the class each week). I asked him why "my teacher said I made her laugh'.

Yes I can imagine that it's probably all just common place but it seems to be worrying dd. I haven't hit it off with dd's teacher on the few times I've spoken to her she just seems to look at me blankly (and I have to explain who I am) alright so I'm not at the school gates much but I have met the women more than a handful of times.

Then dd bought Christmas work home and she'd done some lovely colouring and writing in a booklet all the teacher had written on it was 'well tried' when I flicked through there were only a few corrections and my dd as I sadi is not the most academic was slow to shpw a hand preference and is clumsy all round.. I just thought 'well tried' was a bit rough couldn't she have written 'very good' or 'well done'.. just felt like the teacher was making a point. DD would be very upset with a 'well tried'

I think if your dd would be upset with a 'well tried' the teacher's a bit stuck really. She wouldn't have written 'well tried' to be mean- she would have written it to be encouraging. DS2 was late with hand preference, is left handed, LOATHES cutting out and sulks when he has to do it. His teacher tell him he's just got to get on with it - whilst reminding him he's good at other stuff. I think you should talk to the teacher so she's aware how anxious your dd is, but I really don't think that you should complain about the things you've mentioned as being 'unfair' or bad in some way as they're not really.

Ds2 had some homework last terms where he had to write why he liked 2 friends. Well it was like getting blood out of a stone- he did not want to do it, and it kept being sent back for him to write more. I did put a note in the book saying that it was painful and an utter palavar so that she was aware, but I also told him that he may as well just fill up the space so it stopped being sent home.

I don't think 'well tried' is a negative comment at all.

trying hard is a very valuable life skill and educational aim.

Very good is also a nice and helpful comment, but that means something else....it was a very good bit of work.

One isn't better than the other, they are just different.

dd gets the 'Vell done', ds gets the 'well tried'

As a teacher, in general I would rather teach the 'well tried' kids.

I don't think this is something you can reasonably complain about, if I'm honest.

sorry have probably misled you all a litlle - it's not specifically that comment that's bothered me - it's just so sad to her your 5yo tell you she's stupid and she hates herself because she's no good at school.

NOw that, you should mention to the teacher, it's probably your dd's perception rather than the reality- but it would be helpful to the teacher to know that I'm sure.

I think it might be worth while having a word with the teacher.

At the same time your dd will have to take her turn at having the award/ taking the regester etc etc. (stating the bleeding obvious I know) Talking to my two you would think that they never got any sort of reward or praise, closer inspection shows me that they do but they don't get it all the time, which is, I think a good thing.

You also need to play up the 'tried hrad' thing, you dd needs to realise that this is real praise for something praiseworthy. Trying hard is so important. I see too many kids underperform at A level because they have never learned to work at anything.

hard not Hrad (who sound like some hunky Scandinavian type!)

Yes I agree with MB- make sure your dd learns to accept compliments Tell her that 'tried hard' means that the teacher saw and knows how much work she put in and isn't that just great.

I tell her that as long as she always tries and does her best that's all that matters and that not everyone can win things but she's not interested in what I think

the key thing with the 'Well tried' comment is that the teacher will have meant this as a compliment. I don't think that your dd realises this, and I'm not sure that you feel it is either (not being snotty, I read your comment about 'well tried' as being some sort of sop to the less able, happy to be wrong )

Do you know that the Japanise prize working hard above all other accademic traits? Ds should go there, but dd would hate it!

I don't know MB- she might like it- I used to get told I was a 'hard worker' in Japan when I was sat on the sofa at the back of the staffroom asleep and dribbling... They value alcohol consumption as well. When my big boss met my dad he said 'you daughter- very strong drinker'

cat has a good point though- lots of the comments on ds2's reception work was aimed at us (or maybe the teacher for review) typically recording how much help he needed to complete the activity.

I once got this award for 'progress' at school and i was so pissed off because it sounded like i must have got better rather than being consistently brilliant.

Your dd sounds so much like mine - same age too, and she's always worried that everyone else gets certificates, carries the register, is better and better liked etc. I've had to be quite firm lately and explain over and over again that everyone gets a turn - at this age its hard to be patient and have a real understanding of this i think.

I'd tell the teacher how she's feeling just so she's aware.

I must pack my bag and go asap!

yes I think you're right, I did take 'well tried' as a bit of an insult.. but probably because I know how much dd is agonising over school at the moment ad she does try so very hard. I take your point in that it can have an alternative meaning that I had never thought of.

I just don't know how to make her understna dthat everything is fine and she doens't need to get herself so upset about it.

She's in Yr1 btw

Hi, I thought I needed to come back to this for yet more advice...

My dd had a spelling test yesterday - 8 words, we worked really hard at learning them - playeed games at home etc. When she went to school yesterday she knew them all off by heart.

She came home yesterday and had only got 3 right.. she doesn't know why she got them wrong. This isn't the first time this has happened..

any advice?

Thanks

bump for the last post I made

The fact that she hasn't been chosen yet is difficult for that age child but a good thing to learn. Even if 2 children take the register back each week it will take about 14 weeks to get through the class, similarly I doubt whether there are more than 2 awards per week so it takes well over a term to include everyone. I expect it will be fair in the end.

Re: your spelling inquiry - could she hear what the teacher was saying? My experience of spelling words is that they can sound quite similar and if they've been learned in the order they're written in the book and the teacher mixes them up or if there's a lot of background noise (which there shouldn't be in a test siutation but you never know!) it can be difficult to hear them correctly. My boys have sometimes got a word wrong because they thought she'd said one word but actually it was another? Just a thought...