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Primary education

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5yo struggling with reading / school in general

5 replies

hibernatingbear · 08/02/2022 09:45

My son just turned 5 & started reception in September & I'd noticed all his friends seem to be able to write & read a bit, & he is not doing either. (He can write a couple of letters but that seems to be it.) I wasn't worried until a few weeks ago he started saying he didn't want to go to school. There was one day I more or less had to carry him in. So I spoke to his teacher (who I think is v good) & explained, & he said he'd been meaning to talk to me because my son is struggling. He wondered if it could be because he was premature as he couldn't see an obvious reason for it. We had a good conversation & came up with some ideas...instead of trying to get my son to write at home we would try to get him to draw (he always says he doesn't want to or can't) & that might make the moment of picking up a pen less scary when he does it at school. We also agreed that if he says he can't, we would just say "all you have to do is try". And obviously lots of praise for any trying. We agreed that school would get him to draw twice a day, to try to build that up too & build his confidence. And I'd just continue reading to him as I do anyway. That was two and a half weeks ago & in the meantime he missed 7 days of school due to covid. So when we were at home I worked really hard with him to get him to do a bit of drawing (& writing, as he seemed interested) every day, & to read more with him, just to build up his confidence really. And I have a followup meeting at school this afternoon. And mainly I want to listen to what they have to say, but also I wonder if there's anything I should be asking for or suggesting. My son can't say some sounds & had a few sessions of speech therapy before starting school & we decided it was pushing him too hard & to drop it & let him settle, but I wonder if it is time to restart (perhaps at school so the TAs can be involved a bit). I also tried to talk to my son about why he didn't want to go to school. The only consistent things were that he didn't like the toys there & they were better at his nursery; but also he said he didn't like sitting in the reading chair because he can't read; & he said there was too much to do & he couldn't choose what to do. I thought the choice issue was maybe worth mentioning as it sounds like he could do with more direction maybe? I don't know what else. I feel like he is really daunted at school & find that heartbreaking at only just 5! The other thing is the teacher said he doesn't participate willingly in telling stories & singing...but he does both at home & at his weekend drama class. So I wonder what is different about doing it at school. I should add he also had a terrible time particularly in the first lockdown when he was just three. He totally lost confidence & it took months of work from me and nursery to get it back. I'm quite worried because before then he was very interested in letters and numbers, & now he seems to think they are too hard. So I wonder how much all the upheaval & general awfulness of the pandemic are to blame. I'd love any advice on what to do & what (if anything) I could suggest to school. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
LetItGoToRuin · 09/02/2022 11:14

I'm sorry nobody replied prior to your meeting yesterday. How did it go?

The teacher/school sound nice and supportive, but I wonder whether they are expecting just a little too much with respect to writing in particular. If you do some searching on this forum you will find lots of instances of YR children really not ready with their fine motor skills at this young age, and it does come gradually during YR/Y1. Other things can help to build fine motor skills, not just writing/drawing. Play doh/plasticine, threading beads, Lego, sandpit etc.

Also, their gross motor skills need to develop as well, to support their frame when they are writing, so lots of exercise, climbing, ball catching!

If your DS has trouble with some sounds, I would definitely try to resume the speech therapy. This would be higher priority for me than teaching him to write at this stage.

As for struggling to choose what to do, and not joining in with group activities, it does sound like he really lacks confidence - the pandemic really has affected many younger children. How is he getting on with friendships? Maybe the teacher can pair him up with someone kind, who can encourage him along. Getting him comfortable in the class environment and interacting with children and his teacher is more important than reading/writing.

If you get chance, let us know how the meeting went, and how your DS gets on!

hibernatingbear · 09/02/2022 11:26

What a kind reply @LetItGoToRuin. Thank you. Yes, we are going to restart speech therapy & I'm going to work on gross & fine motor at home (your recommendations were the same as the teacher's! thank you), & they will do the same at school. I'm going to get him to do any mark making he'll do, & they will encourage that. And keep going with his drama to build confidence.
He is OK with friendships but has trouble with what I guess is called emotional regulation...can get v upset about minor things.
It was a really good chat with the teacher. He said he's not struggling as much as some other kids but his friends are all speeding ahead so he is noticing that. The teacher was also really encouraging & supportive of what I've been doing, which was nice. And my son was there for the first few minutes & heard some lovely things about how he is trying hard etc...but today again didn't want to go in. Sigh. He cheered up when he actually got into the classroom so I hope he will have a good day. I will search those threads you mentioned. This is all really helpful; thank you.

OP posts:
Binjob118 · 09/02/2022 11:35

Hi, sorry your boy is struggling. It's also hard when you perceive others in his class are doing better/easier. It sounds like he needs the pressure taken off and to make it more fun. Does your school do any online access like Reading eggs? It's a fun game like website and it definitely motivated my little boy without realising he was learning. Also, use his interests to make drawing/writing fun. So if it's dinosaurs, set up the toys, count them, draw them etc. Has he been ok with making friends and the social side?

hibernatingbear · 09/02/2022 13:08

Thank you @Binjob118. I don't think they do anything online but I'll look out for Reading eggs. We have a fire tablet & have tried some games on that. He seems suspicious of anything to do with letters, but sometimes I can sneak them in.
He is OK with making friends but can get a bit angsty with them. He's not so good when things don't go his way or if they want to play games he doesn't want to play. He isn't great at sharing. I think all this is pandemic related, though, & hope it'll improve now he's seeing friends more.

OP posts:
Mummyto4JMST · 11/05/2022 17:16

Hi I realise you posted this a while ago, I hope things have improved for you. I just thought I would share as I home Ed my 5yo and this has worked for him. It might help.

I've found the alphabet and sounds are key I tried starting my lb reading at 3/4 but as willing as he was defo hit a wall. So I went back to basics the alphabet song and letter sounds I started him off with colouring or painting an a4 paper of a letter a day and then moved up to him copying letters and saying the sounds a few at a time. Then having him copy the alphabet daily and saying the sounds. When he recognised letters i would point to them out of order and ask him the sounds and the name of the letter. This took some time! However once I was happy he knew it inside out and upside down sounds and names I re started him reading some words and he's loving it.

All that to say if your little one it still struggling I would defo go back to the basics alphabet and letter sounds 😊

Hope this helps x

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