6 year old hates school

[Mumofboys2715]

My 6 year old son has been upset when going in to school since he started year 2 in Sept. It got much better in November, and we thought that we had turned a corner, but it’s now back with a vengeance since the Xmas hols. His teacher knows and has worked with us, but I can’t help feeling that it’s her that he doesn’t like, because she was off for a month before Xmas and he loved going to school then and didn’t stop talking about the supply teacher! We have asked if it’s anything else but all he says is that he misses mum & dad and wants to stay at home! Anyone had similar experiences? Feeling v sad having just left him screaming at the school gates 😔

HI OP. What you describe is, I think, quite unusual by Yr 2 and it does sound like there's something else going on. Is there a member of staff with pastoral responsibility you could meet with about it?

Thanks for your response. It is unusual, and I just don’t understand how he was so happy in reception and year 1 but now hates school? The strange thing is, he doesn’t mention anything about not wanting to go until we are actually there! He doesn’t get upset on a Sunday evening or anything like that, it’s just when we arrive. I also though don’t want to make a huge issue out if it because if it genuinely is just a case of him wanting to stay at home with us (and not do schoolwork) then I can’t do anything about that and he will just have to accept that school & work are part of life (unfortunately!) I’m exhausted by all the worrying about him though - I just can’t see what will make it better?

I think a nursery child can be like this, but year 2 seems too old to be so unhappy about school. We changed nursery for DD after months of screaming when I dropped her off. Never had any difficulty at new nursery. My main point is though, at 3, DD wasn’t great at expressing what the issue was. By y2 she absolutely would have told me! So what does he say when you ask? Can someone else ask?

You are presumably at home with DH? That seems a nice home that he leaves behind in order to “work” at school. Supply teachers tend to be less demanding so perhaps he wasn’t asked to do much and coasted?

It could be you grind out this year and wait for a new teacher next year. My DD was fine after the separation. How does your DS get on for the rest of the day?

If you cannot stick it any more, change schools. Worked at nursery for DD. So it could work for you if there are spaces elsewhere. There’s always the concern though that you are just giving in to a tantrum! I know that’s what I thought until I decided enough was enough! Even at 3 though, DD and I had a “serious@ but positive conversation about enjoying the new nursery!

Thanks TizerorFizz. He told me last night that it’s the teacher…I think he’s a bit scared of her because she is much firmer than his previous teacher. I don’t have an issue with that, as she needs to prepare them for year 3 and it’s her job. He did mention however that she had said that all this crying in the mornings was silly…which I don’t feel is fair when you’re 6 years old and socially anxious.

He does’t want me to say anything though, and we are working with the breakfast club staff in the mornings to set up a drop off routine and it worked today so hopefully, he will just get used to the way things are.

I do think though that Covid has a lot to answer for…it has completely messed up their little lives. I work from home now, which doesn’t help because he knows that I’m going back home without him (albeit to work) I’m back in the office few days a week next week, I’m hoping that might help a little!

My son has always hated school though he’s hated it from the start, he’s 7 now

I’d have to disagree with previous posters, as a year 2 teacher sadly this isn’t particularly abnormal for that age. There’s unfortunately a big jump in curriculum expectations at Year 2 and a lot to fit it. It can be overwhelming for children and then with the pandemic on top of everything it’s a tough time for kids.

Could he be given a special responsibility in the mornings he needs to go into school to do like sharpening pencils, sorting out school computers etc. I’ve often found that helps. Or could he take in a transition object he can hug when he misses you.

We have this. It turned out there was bullying in the wraparound care, but even after that was sorted the anxiety carried on. Do you walk to school? We live close to the school so if DS gets upset at home he can carry it on and get worse as we approach, but we have found leaving half an hour earlier and walking in the opposite direction to start with having a pretend adventure (Pokémon themed for us…) disrupts that. We always go to places he isn’t so used to, like the car park behind the shop where the bins are, or into dead end cul-de-sacs we wouldn’t need to enter normally, or walking along the grass next to a hedge instead of the path etc, so he has to pay attention to the surroundings.

Thanks Birdkin and BestZebbie. It’s good to hear that this behaviour is ok and that the curriculum jump/transition to year 2 could be to blame. He does blame “the hard work” sometimes when we talk about it, despite the fact that his teacher tells me that he’s doing really well. Unfortunately he puts a lot of pressure on himself and doesn’t like to get things wrong. I’m working with him on this at home i.e keep telling him that he has tried his best, that we don’t care how he does at school as long as he tries his best etc. but he’s only 6 and I try to have as much fun as I can at home because of this whole school thing. The teachers tell me that he is completely fine once I’m gone, and that he has friends and seems happy.

@Mumofboys2715
I think some children don’t really get the concept of “do your best”. They see that they have done what’s been asked of them but it’s required a lot of effort. I agree that learning from home has not given DC the stamina/resilience to work at school. Or even enjoy the routine. This would have built up from YR through Y1 in normal times. Y2 isn’t that hard if the building blocks are in place but with covid and learning at home, they are not.

Some DC don’t congratulate themselves on the outcome of their work if it’s not stellar. They can be quite demanding of themselves. It’s also true that other DC will be working just as hard and I can see it’s in the interests of the school for him to be assessed as doing well or even catch up. I assume he still reads at home with you? The school might be willing for him to do less challenging work for a bit maybe?

It’s good that he has friends. It’s also good to know he does not stay upset. It’s very good that you are working with the school on dropping off. I do think teachers have to accept covid and parents being at home has changed the playing field and DC can see the changes which might make school less attractive in their eyes. You can hopefully find great things about school to enthuse him!

My y1 missed a lot of school.
2w in yr r then 8w lockdown then last week of summer term.
Y1 so far about a week.
Its a lot more than her older sibling. And after the last time of she was crying going in.
She wants to play roblox/be warm at home. So the rubbish cold weather the higher y1 expectations/the disrupted time in and out of school/ being quite ill before xmas.
Luckily her teacher is quite gentle, my eldest always got the strict ones.