Is it DS? Is it school? Is it me?

[polexiaaphrodesia]

DS is in Year 1 at our local primary school. He is a sweet little boy, quite sensitive and more into lego, computer games and superheroes than football. He had a lovely group of friends at nursery and really loved going there. Unfortunately none of his nursery friends went on to the same school as him.

At the moment I would describe DS as fairly sad. He doesn't want to go to school in the mornings. He holds his hands over his ears when we bump into our next door neighbour who is in his class on the walk to school as "she talks too much".

He's tells me that he's "shy" and doesn't like talking in class - I think he finds some of the bigger personalities a bit too much. He is a massive perfectionist and struggles whenever he makes a mistake or can't get the hang of something immediately e.g. school work, summer cricket club. We have always tried to model resilence and giving things a go even if they are hard and that if you want to be good at something you have to practise but it never seems to get through and we just have tears and refusal to do things.

We also have a bit of a friendship triangle situation this year with the one friend he really made in year 1 and another boy who has hit him previously. I have raised with the school who are keeping an eye on things but I'm not sure if it's DS being over sensitive and play fighting games getting out of hand.

In reception his teacher advised that he was working below the expected standard for writing and that he would be getting extra help. I've asked to see his work at parent's evening and asked how they are supporting him and at Christmas he finally came home with something which was completely illegible. We always tried to do fun writing (making cards etc) but he wasn't interested however after seeing his writing we are now doing the Write from the Start programme for 10 mins a day which he is actually enjoying but I couldn't believe how bad his writing was after 4 terms at school.

I spend huge chunks of my time worrying about him. I've never been an anxious person previously and I was always very relaxed when he was at nursery but it's getting worse by the day and I don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice? Thank you.

Don't forget that a lot of school has been disrupted lately. I dont think there is an issue with any of you. Not you, your son or the school.

My 17yo do still has poor handwriting. It's understandable now, but it wasn't for a long time in his younger years. Other than being behind on writing, he was ahead in everything else. So try not to hold so much weight to the handwriting.

The school are addressing it and you have found a way at home to address it which he enjoys engaging with. You're doing fine.

Are there any out of school activities he may enjoy that arent football and may help him to make some more friends and grow in confidence? Maybe martial arts or beavers?
The writing may come along suddenly and if hes enjoying what you have put in place that will help. Hes still young and schooling has been disrupted.
Its hard but he sounds lucky to have you

Also just reading about his writing at the end of last term and reflecting that it was for is a long term the dc were all exhausted so any writing may done then may not be an accurate reflection. I know dc will sometimes rush or do terrible writing when they want to move onto something else, arent engaged in it or are just plain tired

Thank you so much for replying and for your sensible and kind words. I know I need to chill out and let him be a bit. He started drama class at the weekend which he absolutely loved so I am hoping that will build his confidence up a bit.

Have you thought about also introducing books that reflect and work through some of the issues? If mindset is a stumbling block at the moment they might help.

Re hand writing - if he’s resistant at home, don’t push it but instead focus on the muscles in the hand and do plenty of play doh, tweezers, scissors etc. Writing will definitely improve!

We all worry, it’s totally natural but don’t beat yourself up x

Has he tried beavers or similar? Encourage sports clubs. Build his confidence first