Has your child ever done a piece of writing which made you think that the teacher will be very bemused what life in your family is like?

[emkana]

dd2 (4 and in reception) wrote:

I'm scared when daddy hangs me over the bannister.

This is a game that they have, he doesn't really hang her over the bannister, just pretends to... but I wonder what the teacher made of it...

Apparently Chelsea Clinton told her teacher that her dad "drank cups of coffee and talked on the phone".

My dd (4) told her teacher at nursery last week that she NEEDS Father Christmas to visit her as Mummy has sold all her toys and clothes on eBay!

She also told my DH that all I do all day is sit and watch tv or play with eBay!

and while I'm doing that the little fairies come into the house and wash, iron, shop and cook!

DD1, 8 and in year 4, is a prolific writer and her teacher has told us that she is talented at it too. But in her last several stories, which she always shows her teacher who often reads them aloud in class, the families are always divorced or divorcing (we are happily married). In one of her most recent stories, the mother smacked one of the children several times. I asked her why she put that as she never gets smacked and she told me it was all in her imagination -- isn't that what fiction is all about? I cannot imagine what this teacher thinks.

I remember telling my dad that my new friend, who's house he'd just picked me up from, was a prostitute (I meant protestant)

funny posts.

teacher friend told me about a child's daily news entry... it went something along the lines of

i went downstairs for a drink and mummy and daddy were sunbathing in front of the fire.

iirc it was week of parents night too.

Ds1 wrote that his aunty came to visit and gave him a tattoo (he meant Taytos)!

My friend's child drew a picture of a bathtub with a leg pointing upwards from it. The accompanying sentence said,"my mummy shaves her legs." My own DS, after hearing DH refer to Coronation Street as rubbish' once too often, used to answer te phone at 4 and say, "Mummy can't come, she's watching rubbish"

When I was little, I wrote that my mummy goes out boozing with her friends.

And that daddy stands up when he goes to the toilet except when he's tired, then he sits down.

LOL Granny22

my son once wrote in his book " mommy didnt cook much at the weekend I think mommy was ill with a rash so I was hungry"

he didnt include that he had had breakfast lunch and dinner cooked by his dad

he just didnt have pancakes and fun stuff we cook on a weekend

the teacher would have marked that down in a book for sure!!

a little girl in my class wrote 'fuck you' in a speech bubble between 2 bears (or some animal). I had worked out that it was meant to be 'fank you' (phonetic thank you), but couldnt resist showing her mum at parents evening. Thankfully her mum had a sense of humour.

perks of the job

I once had a little girl from a very religious family write up an interview she'd done with the Church curate. Unfortunately her handwriting (and spelling) was a bit dodgy, so the e disappeared and the r and a somehow merged. Her 1st question therefore, read: when did you 1st start being a c*?

It's a long standing joke in our family that when my sister was little she had to write a holiday diary. It was every day for 2 weeks. After a very brief resume of the day's events she finished each day with the sentence- "and then we went to the pub."

The prissy teachers/ tee-total priest at our very catholic school must have had to get the smelling salts out after reading that lot. They always looked at my mum (who was a dinner lady) rather one eyed after that as if expecting her to have a paper bag with a bottle in stashed about her person!

I had a pupil in my class who told me that her mum did soliciting for a job
another very serious 7 year old told me that the romans hadn't invaded scotland as they were afraid of the pixies. (picture little green scots with pointy ears wearing their kilts and sporrens brandishing little clubs with spikes in)

My mother is a primary school teacher. A little boy (whose parents she knows and likes) was stuck with a word in a story about what he had done during the easter holidays. The word he couldn't spell was "lovemaking". My mum's heart sank when she asked him how the word fitted into the sentence. The answer - "me and my brother love making pancakes". phew

At school my DD drew a picture of me eating my Mother's Day breakfast in bed - topless. Boobs and all.

I promise you I had put a top on.

dd recently drew us a card at school, with "deer Mum and Dad, I love you very much, but I want you to love me to" inside which sort of implies that we tell her we don't . Of course, we tell her several times a day that we do!

That and her poem to Jesus, which said something along the lines of, "don't worry, I love you, and want to marry you"

She's 5.

My DS once caught me changing a tampon so I tried to explain periods to him in a matter of fact way.

He then proceeded to write in one of his school diaries that on Saturday he watched mummy put things up her bum.

my dear nephew many years ago used to come up to visit me with my parents when i was in university. he was 7 and doing those 'what i did at the weekend' things.

'i went to visit my aunty. her boyfriend sleeps with her in her bed. i didnt think this was aloud. i don't know what they get up to'

cue my brother saying for many years 'well, i dont know what you get up to'

LOL at these! DS's reception teacher promised she wouldn't believe what the children wrote/told about parents if parents didn't believe all they heard about her!