Daughter has no friends

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

Another phone call from the school about it. Apparently everyone likes her. She just has no friends. She's been at the school for 6 months now. They are trying another nurture programme after Christmas.

She was so happy and made friends so easily before Covid. Now its almost like she doesn't see the point as she doesn't believe in schools as a constant now. Coupled with her Dad (Army) being away constantly.. shes just because so solitary.

The school are doing so much to try to help her. I feel so helpless. Not even sure of the point of this. I just want my happy little girl back

How old is she OP? How is she behaving at school? When other children try to play or talk too her, what’s her reaction? You mention she’s been at the school for 6 months, I take it you’ve moved recently? Has she moved schools before given the army link and she perhaps just thinks what’s the point as we’ll just move again? Or is it just she’s not really settled into this school & is missing her old friends & her dad and finding life tough?

Do you know any of the mums? Can you arrange play dates at the weekend? Inherently awkward as an adult but it might help your DD?

I'm so sorry to hear that. How old is she? Would it be possible to organise some one on one playdates with some of the other parents to help deepen her relationship? The fact that she's liked is a positive and so hopefully, you can turn things around.

Shes 8 and in Yr4. Six months ago we moved into our own house to stop the moving around circus (they've been to 4/5 schools now).

Apparently she works hard, joins in with class activities, but is often left out at lunchtime etc. No one dislikes her.

When questioned yesterday by her new teacher (they've had a Supply teacher so far this year) she said she wasn't bothered about having friends.

Out of school she seems to have no trouble... shes friendly with people at her clubs, and her lifelong best friend lives in a nearby village so they see each other out of school.

I'd say that as long as you stay put, it will come. She's not bothering at the mo as she's expecting to have to move again in the back of her head

Tbh I wouldn't be overly worried about this. She has friends, she currently sees school as a learning place not a social place. I'm sore that will change as she settles and especially if school are putting things in place. Ive got one dd who totally saw it as a social place and would have been devastated not to have anyone to play with at any stage, other Dd doesn't really care. She does have friends as some she's known since toddler groups and she's now nearly 9 however she frequently plays alone if certain friends are off, of they are playing something she doesn't want to or, as her best friend is quite tricky and often decides to play with someone else and not let her join. She genuinely doesn't seem to mind and I actually think that's a great trait to have. Give her time as it's all still very new and having supply for your first few months isn't ideal either

Have you considered Brownies or Cubs? They are quite inclusive, and you can meet children from different schools.

@Ericaequites

Have you considered Brownies or Cubs? They are quite inclusive, and you can meet children from different schools.

She loves Cubs. Ironically though, over half the group are in her class, with a few others from the other villages.

Thanks everyone for advice. I found the phone call yesterday quite upsetting and had no one to talk about it with. Feeling more rational today. DD has opened up a bit more about it. Shes still worried about schools shutting g again. Hopefully the Government won't do that to them again.

She has had so many changes and movements in her little life, and her dad away to top it all off. No wonder she is worried about more change and disruption. All you can do is work with the school to build her confidence and self esteem . Is it possible to encourage the school to set up lunchtime clubs or activities in the playground to encourage friendship groups and inclusion, maybe if you are around you could volunteer to go in and run a skipping club, or chalking on the floor club , we used to have a Lego club (donated Lego!) . Is there a PTA you could join to encourage activities like this in the school.

Has she left friends behind in all the other schools as well? Moving a lot means she’s not trusting her instincts. It’s good the school is helping. Staying put in this school will help. 4/5 schools is a lot for any 8 year old to cope with.

Sometimes friendships form when SC are a bit older. So I too think if will come. Be proactive and invite children round to play. As a military child she gets PP. Can you discuss how the school might use this money to help her? It’s not a huge amount but they should spend it directly on her to meet her needs.

Also PP money can be spent on her well-being. It doesn’t have to be directly on learning. Her well-being is ensuring she can learn effectively so do ask about this.

Have you tried organising play dates outside school? That was advice we got from school and it worked. We are both working parents so DD was missing out on the play after school