6yo DS 'not engaging' in class (year 2)

[GentlyGentlyOhDear]

I'm really worried and wondering how to approach this, as my DS' teacher caught me after school to say he isn't fully engaging in lessons.

He is already slightly behind in all areas, which I put down to being a summer-born boy and lockdowns, so I'm wondering what to do next.

Apparently he doesn't do work when the children are supposed to be working independently. He just sits there saying he is thinking.

I've spoken to him to ask if there's anything worrying or distracting him. He says not. He got upset and says he is thinking. I asked if a timer would be useful so he had thinking time but then knew when it was time to start writing things down. He said what if he still doesn't know the answer after that? I said ask the teachers if you are struggling or don't understand or move onto the next question. He asked what would happen if he got everything wrong. I said absolutely nothing, it's about having a try.

What should I be doing/asking school to address this? I am very concerned about him getting further behind, but also him not enjoying school and feeling anxious/developing low self esteem if he can't do it or is too slow.

Does anyone have any advice?

I'd get back to the teacher and tell them what you DS said, especially as he seems worried about getting it wrong. Ask the teacher how to support your DS without adding to his anxiety. Aside from that keep reading to him and make sure story times are relaxed and enjoyable. Don't worry - he is very young and he has good home support.

How does he perform in group settings? Does he contribute to solve the problem etc?

It sounds like he may have performance anxiety, wherein he worries too much about getting the answers wrong to even try. What is he like in other areas academically in class?

Thanks for your reply @urbanbuddha
Yes I'll get back to the teacher today. I know he can do the work at home as we have been doing extra reading and spellings and maths. That doesn't help him at school though!

I'll ask the teacher about the group work @Rtmhwales, I hadn't thought about that.

He has missed a lot of school and I really struggled to engage him on lockdown at home. He is my middle child and I have birth 2 weeks before the first lockdown and he was sent home from school with a new sibling and no idea for how long etc and I just really feel for him as he missed the structure and his friends. I don't want school to become an area of stress for him.

His older sister has recently been diagnosed with dyslexia so I'm wondering if there could be something there as he is behind with his reading and writing but has made great progress recently.

The teacher said he isn't really saying anything in class so bit even saying he can't do it or is struggling. He just doesn't really say anything when they ask him

That's really sad. Just keep reinforcing that he will get to the answer when he gets there and that if it's wrong, that's absolutely fine and the whole purpose of school - to continue our learning and understanding.

I work in schools abroad as a counsellor who primarily specializes is social emotional regulation so I always worry when teachers and parents come down on the little ones about this .. I work with mostly the older middle years where school refusal and performance anxiety is getting more severe. If he can do the work at home and you're confident he understands the concepts it's less of an issue, he may just be struggling with being put on the spot or how to articulate it to his teacher. He's so little, peer interaction and social skills should take a larger focus than answering the questions correctly right now.

There are so many ways for the school to address this.
I’m not entirely sure why they told you? Are they just keeping you up to date with his learning or are they expecting you to do something about it? Which would be ridiculous as you are not there.
There are many children like your ds, who struggle with independent work for a whole range of reasons. It is up to the teacher to work out what the issue is, and then to put strategies in place to support him.
Ask for a meeting with the teacher to discuss the situation. Ask them what strategies they have tried already. Tell them what your son said about getting the answers wrong. Ask them how they are going to support him in school and how they would like you to support him at home.
Like I say, this is not uncommon at all. Is the teacher inexperienced?

Could he maybe be given the tools to non verbally indicate that he needs additional help? So say to him that if he has a little think but still isnt sure, he can put X item on the corner of his desk and the teacher/TA will spot this and come and support a little.

My DS can also do this, comes up with a great idea and then needs to be nudge along. I would go back to the teacher and monitor progress

It sounds to me like he doesn't understand the work or how to set about the task given. It is easier for a 6 year old to say "I'm thinking" than to express that he is totally at a loss.

Can he generally follow complex verbal instructions? My DS struggles with this, and often grinds to a halt and sort of switches off. His teacher is very good at spotting this and breaking down the task so he can complete it (which is increasing his confidence so he stalls less).

Thanks so much for all of these ideas and suggestions.

I did wonder @TheYearOfSmallThings whether he has got lost in the lesson and then doesn't know what he should be doing in the independent work bit. I've told him to always put his hand up and ask.

The teacher is usually in older year groups @Elisheva. I think it was mentioned to ask if there was anything going on which could be causing distraction, but also to warn me he is unlikely to catch up/meet expectations if it continues.

Good idea about the non-verbal sign on the desk @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz.
I feel it is sad too @Rtmhwales so I'm trying not to make a big deal about it and will just keep on top of the extra work we are doing at home. I just don't want him to get further and further behind.

Some other things I have used with similar children:
A task board - someone writes a list of all the steps that need to be done to complete the task.
As mentioned above, a non verbal sign. We use a red/green card with a happy face and a confused face. Child turns card to red if they need help, and to green if they understand.
Verbal task prompt - teacher tells child the first small thing that needs doing and tells them to put up their hand when that bit is done, then gives next bit.
Oral rehearsal - child tells adult what they are going to do/write then goes off to do it.
Repeat instructions - adult gives instructions to whole class and then gives child the same instructions individually.

Just to mention, asking a child the questions ‘Do you understand’ or ‘Do you know what to do’ is pointless as the child has no idea if they have understood correctly. They might think they know what to do. The teacher (or Ta) needs to say something like ‘What are you going to do first?’

Just to mention, asking a child the questions ‘Do you understand’ or ‘Do you know what to do’ is pointless as the child has no idea if they have understood correctly.

This is so true. During homeschooling last year DS's teacher would explain something DS had NO hope of understanding, then say ",Hands up if you understood that". The only part of the entire performance that DS understood was "Hands up", so he enthusiastically put his hand up, and was rewarded with a "Great! Good listening!".

I could clearly see how a non disruptive child could go through school learning almost nothing.

I can relate to this, I had similar issues. I suspect he doesn't want to admit he doesn't have a clue! It's a horrible feeling when you're floating behind, given a task and just no idea how to approach it. Watching everyone else get to work, it can be a bit overwhelming.
I had a tutor for a year which helped enormously, I was actually ahead for awhile, after the tutoring stopped I floated around average to higher but not behind again. Would that be an option for you? Or using CGP books, they have study guides you can read to them to help explain it.
You could work through year 1 English and maths, see what the gaps are and once that's solid move onto year 2.

Can you get him a tutor...maybe he needs 1 on 1 teaching to support what the teacher is teaching

I think it was mentioned to ask if there was anything going on which could be causing distraction, but also to warn me he is unlikely to catch up/meet expectations if it continues.

Then it sounds as though the teacher needs to be a bit more proactive! It's not really good enough to say that a 6 year old is not engaging and then basically condemn them to being behind forever unless the parents can come up with something. Did the teacher give any indication as to how they have been tackling it up till now - strategies that they have tried and what worked/didn't?