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Original poster

Should I move home

6 replies

Mum2b1g · 12/11/2021 10:40

Hello, please forgive my long message I just need some advice as I feel like I am going round in circles day after day.
I started a University degree in the next county to where I live (1-1 1/2 hour drive) and struggled for the year with the travelling and work so looking into houses decided I would sell my property (which I have owned for 19 years). I have 2 DD age 11 and 9. They were not happy but I explained the situation and my future career and that there were more opportunities for them as well as smaller class sizes and an area where there was a lot more to do. My ex who still sees DD took me to court, judge ruled I am not allowed to move out of current county. All my plans went up in the air as well as costly solicitors fees. I had it planned that DD would start secondary school in new area however it didn't happen due to court order.
The house is and always has been mine, my mortgage no link to ex partner at all.
Ive now deferred my uni due to the stress and upset of court case, moving and then not and DD schools.
I am now stuck in a rut, not working and basically feeling really low and that I have let myself down and worthless.
As I am allowed to move within my county the decision is should I?
It would mean DD moving schools, they do not want to, one is year 5 with lots of friends and other year 8 at new school which she likes but its still new and only 2 others from primary school as well as she has to take bus to school (my cost) and get picked up.
I feel guilty if I decide to move as I dont want to wreck my DD lives however Ive lost interest in my house, don't like it anymore or the area and as I was packed and ready to go and now Im not I feel the seed has been planted.
How do I make the decision if I should move or not? Its been 6 weeks of indecisiveness - yes no yes no - what could happen, what would happen, is it a good idea, should I just stay for DD schools, should I move so I can go back to uni, should I give up my career, am I depressed that I can't make a decision.
I feel its such a big decision to make but I don't know what way to go. Can anyone relate to this and advise?

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BendingSpoons · 13/11/2021 08:36

How far are you thinking of moving? How much of the trip to uni would it save you and how often do you go in? How long do you have left on your course? Is there any way of keeping your eldest at the school?

It potentially seems like a lot of upheaval for a fairly short time to complete the uni course, as presumably you will still have some travel. Would the move have genuine added benefits i.e. area, house, rather than a grass is greener feeling?

LethargicActress · 13/11/2021 08:45

What do you want to move within your country for if it still won’t enable you to go to university easily yet?

Why can’t you carry on with the difficulties of travelling and just suck it up for another couple of years?

Why would you have to give up your career by staying in the house you’ve lived in for 19 years? If you already have your career, then you should be able to continue.

Honestly, from the little you have said, it doesn’t sound like moving will benefit your children.

SouthLondonMommy · 13/11/2021 09:36

I wouldn't take my kids out of school just to reduce the commuting time for a course that you will eventually finish. There would need to be more compelling reasons than that to disrupt their lives so significantly. I'd just deal with the commute if its at all possible until the degree is done.

You could move if you don't like your house and it improves your commute but not so far that it requires the children to change schools would be my advice. Also, its no unreasonable for their father to want to remain in reasonable proximity to them so I would include that as a factor.

Original poster
Mum2b1g · 13/11/2021 11:51

@BendingSpoons

How far are you thinking of moving? How much of the trip to uni would it save you and how often do you go in? How long do you have left on your course? Is there any way of keeping your eldest at the school?

It potentially seems like a lot of upheaval for a fairly short time to complete the uni course, as presumably you will still have some travel. Would the move have genuine added benefits i.e. area, house, rather than a grass is greener feeling?

I was going to move right up to the border of the next county so I could restart my uni degree next September. I'm just really worried about my dd's and school. I feel I want a fresh start however am I thinking the grass is greener and it's not always the case? I've never felt In such a dilemma before. Thank you for replying as an outsiders view makes things clearer.
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Mum2b1g · 13/11/2021 11:54

@LethargicActress

What do you want to move within your country for if it still won’t enable you to go to university easily yet?

Why can’t you carry on with the difficulties of travelling and just suck it up for another couple of years?

Why would you have to give up your career by staying in the house you’ve lived in for 19 years? If you already have your career, then you should be able to continue.

Honestly, from the little you have said, it doesn’t sound like moving will benefit your children.

If I was going to move it would be near to the border of the county where uni is. I have to do workplacement as part of my degree and this involves shift work so driving 1 hour to placement, 10 hour shift and 1 hour home is awful especially when doing nights. I would also once qualified work for the trust in that county as opposed to the one in my current county. I'm not sure if I am allowed to mention the degree I'm taking - sorry first time Posting. Thank you for taking the time to reply
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Original poster
Mum2b1g · 13/11/2021 11:58

@SouthLondonMommy

I wouldn't take my kids out of school just to reduce the commuting time for a course that you will eventually finish. There would need to be more compelling reasons than that to disrupt their lives so significantly. I'd just deal with the commute if its at all possible until the degree is done.

You could move if you don't like your house and it improves your commute but not so far that it requires the children to change schools would be my advice. Also, its no unreasonable for their father to want to remain in reasonable proximity to them so I would include that as a factor.

Thank you, those are my concerns so it's nice to see it from an outside perspective. Once I finish my degree I was going to work for the trust in that county as opposed to the one in the county I am currently in. Part of me wants a change especially from the last year of court cases and stress and another part of me is worried for my kids. I just don't know what to do and thought that each day that went past I would be able to make up my mind but it's the same. I'm so indecisive
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