Help, is my 4 year old dyslexic ? Should I worry.?

[Loudloopy]

Here goes

I had my first ever parents evening, my son is 4 years old, and has never shown intrest in drawing or writing, he started reception at the beginning of September, I've been called over once for his teacher to mention he had been a little boysterious, not listening etc nothing to worry about but needed to nip in the bud thT was 3 weeks after starting school, other than that I've not heard anything, getting dojo points for efforts etc. He loves school and is a bright bubbly child amd has so much confidence, I attended his first parents evening, she mentioned his work and showed me what he had been doing and I mentioned he struggles with reading and writing she said he's behind academically, and should be reading short sentences and he really struggles writing, she then mentioned his behaviour which they are struggling with, I sat there listening to what I can only describe as NOT my child, I was floored and started to cry, by all means my child is no angel but an example is him and friends were making guns, all of them play fighting and he said and pointed his at another student saying "I'm going to shoot you with my gun that has a firework and kill you" the other child responded by crying and saying I don't want to die........ this was noted as bad behaviour in his "log" I almost felt like I was sat waiting for a " he then kicked the child" or something, I know it's not the nicest of things but I was a little bit like come on he's a 4 year olds, anyway I'm sat blubbering and want some support

You have not mentioned anything that suggests dyslexia specifically apart from he is bright (based on what?) but behind ( 4 is too early to say unless it’s extreme)
Can’t be tested until he is 7

The gun firework thing is not a major drama , the adult should not have allowed gun games

Hope they told you lots of positive things too?

Nothing suggests he is dyslexic? He's 4..

Hi there ! She me times he struggles with his phonics, when doing them in groups of four he scribbles on his whiteboard, rather than concentrating, he definitely doesn't tick any boxes on the adhd side though, but he does struggle with his writing, he doesn't have books with words sent home in yet, but they are going to, so I don't know how I'm supposed to know about the reading thing, he's my first and I don't really know what levels he should be at, he left nursery At where he should be academically she mentioned but has slipped to where he should be in reception, another thing in this "log" they have started doing is another child built a tower of blocks, he went over and kicked it down, they went over and said why have you done that he refused to say he did it, and I was kind of waiting for them to say what the consequence of that was as if he did that at home, it would be addressed and dealt with, but no ? One thing he does need is a stern telling, and boundaries. He excels in his social skills, he's bright, but they struggle to get him to sit down and do his writing etc which he does struggle with also he's left handed and he makes typical mistakes, I just feel so deflated as behaviour wise I was listening to child that was described as not mine, so it feels like I can not relate, he's never aggressive, or distruptive, boisterous most definitely,

He's 4.
He's spent nearly half his life in a global pandemic.
Yes, it sounds like he's not quite ready for formal learning, and prefers to play (not that uncommon, I'd have thought?).
Nothing screems dyslexia - I asked my sons teachers in Y1, took til Y5 to get a diagnosis.

Get him doing hand strength things to get him ready for writing -playdoh (kneeding bread, making biscuits by hand), playing with buttons/beads other small diddley things, using scissors, and if you get a dry day, "painting" a fence with water - the wood will change colour. Have a Google for other ideas.

Sounds like maybe he gets frustrated at school... a little bit of showing off to compensate for the fact that he finds the work hard.

It’s a big change for them to go from nursery to a more formal classroom and it sounds like the school are very formal if they are talking about him being ‘academically behind’ at 2 months into his school career.

I’d be talking to him about trying his best and that being good enough, and talking about showing off not being a good way to make friends long term.

What kind of stuff does he concentrate well with?

Does he enjoy having stories read to him?

He's really really good at his technology, and PE, etc, I certainly think he messes around to compensate and distract, i had a word with him and his eyes just filled up, one thing he hates is upsetting me, and because he had a good day today I didn't want to go in, as he just wouldn't get it, but I could tell he was upset, and for him to go to bed and tell my husband he wants to go back to nursery and play, as that's what he wants, what 4 year old wouldn't ? To be honest it makes me feel so sad so much is expected of them at such a young age I don't want him feeling pressure or even a bit anxious at this age

Blimey he’s only 4! None of my two could have done any of the things your dc’s school requires at that age and now they’re exactly where they should be and very happy. Our school nurture and encourage, that’s how they’re successful. The behaviour, I agree normal 4 year old behaviour and I wouldn’t mind betting a lot of it is out of frustration bless him. If it were me (and only because you said he’s enjoying school) I’d see how it pans out and if this is the kind of environment his school adopts I’d be looking at other schools.

I know I agree, it's supposed to be amazing school, I know it has high standards, but I personally don't want my child to be like everyone else, I want him to enjoy life, do his best, and I was exactly the same, I wasn't great academically, joined in or string around to distract from the work, and now I own two successful salons, I just went in thinking it's was going to be a chat about progress how he's settled in and it felt awful almost like there was something wrong with my child

It’s easier on kids to change school sooner rather than later once they are invested in friendships. I’d seriously consider it.
You are right it’s too much pressure.
I would also be a little concerned that he’s so worried about displeasing you.

Is there a reason why he might be worried about upsetting you? Does he have a different kind of relationship with his dad?

My experience is that more children behave worse for their parents (especially primary caregiver) than for teachers at school.

What??
He is four !
Which four year old are reading?
What kind of short sentences?
What sort of school.is this?

The trouble with 'amazing schools with high standards' is that they place too much emphasis on academic achievement. This teacher doesn't sound like an Early Years specialist to me. I'd definitely challenge her on her attitude and approach. Many 4 year olds aren't ready to be writing on whiteboards! EYFS is meant to be child centred and led, learning through play. If you don't get anywhere then I'd consider finding a school where they understand how young children learn.

Around the ages of four and five, your child is likely to start developing some basic reading skills, such as phonemic awareness, and may even know some sight words. At this stage, your child may also know how to spell his or her name and recognise the letters of the alphabet.

readingeggs.co.uk/articles/2016/06/24/learn-to-read-guide/#:~:text=Around%20the%20ages%20of%20four,the%20letters%20of%20the%20alphabet.

So what are you and school expecting and why short sentences?
Way too young

I used to teach Nursery and we'd be lucky if we had 1 or 2 a year who were reading short sentences by the time we sent them up to Reception. They've only just completed their first half term for goodness sake..... Plenty of other things to be getting on with while he's learning phonics......

You guys are making me feel so much better and that I'm not just being a typical " my kids does nothing wrong" mum, as I'm the first to admit my children are no angels, they both a pair of boys. And my eldest is a true free spirit and I just don't want that little unique sparkle ever being dulled. I just felt like it was all a bit formal and I did shed a tear and all I got was " I'm sorry to overwhelm you" I was like for me it's just your describing another child behaviour wise and then when she got the book of logged events out and she read them two incidents I was just a bit like wtf ? The book is coming home tomorrow along with a reward chart so I'll update you with some other " incidents " in theirs to see if I'm truly blind to it or not

Is this a private school?
‘Should be reading short sentences’ after half a term in reception? Yeah right.

My child is dyslexic. I knew from reception. unfortunately no one would entertain the idea. I was told he would catch up however by year two I was told he would never catch up. year 3 I got his diagnosis.
just keep an eye on him and research dyslexia but tbh he's only just started not many children can read and write yet. It was towards the end of reception when I realised after doing my own research he was dyslexic.

He’s just too young for some of the ridiculous expectations our education system has created. Praise him for all the good things a every single day and don’t focus too much on the bad behavior notes.

Honestly @Loudloopy mine are 5 and 8 now and I promise you they couldn’t and weren’t expected to read sentences during their time at reception and this is absolutely normal. Your child hasn’t been naughty, I think he sounds like a lovely little boy. I’d love it if some reception teachers could come on here and put your mind at rest, our reception teachers at our school are bloody legends. I’m annoyed at that teacher doing this to you, all the teachers I’ve interacted with have been amazing.

In reply to the lovely lady who said " in what way doesn't he like upsetting me" if he is naughty at home and I get upset or mad he hates it and will continue to keep asking " are you happy now mummy or am I Being good now" baisicly he hates it when I get mad or angry so it's a good thing really as recognises it makes me "sad"

The school he is at is a tiny village cOFe school so small that preschool and reception are taught together

And I personally don't think him bring with preschool will help as his favourite thing is playing mums and dads with his friends and being pulled away from that to then do writing and phonics etc I don't think would ho down well,

You all are making me feel better

ex teacher here.

very few reception kids are reading short sentences in November!
Most still doing basic phonics.

It is a massive change from nursery. He is only 4.

Encourage him that there are play times and sitting times, and to listen to the teacher.

When is his birthday?

He’s too young. We start school so early in this country 🥺
I knew my DS would have really really struggled in reception so we delayed starting, did lots of play learning at home and gave him lots of opportunities to turn take and pay attention in short bursts until he started proper school in year 2 (we moved country for 2 years, I know that’s not feasible for most).
Can you play with books and read to him at home? Not because he needs to catch up but to softly introduce them to him and excite him?
He never lost his love of learning and went on (eventually) to be a straight A student.

I’m a supply teacher and I have been in many reception classes recently, don’t think I’ve met more than one or two children reading at that level yet. It’s certainly not the norm! Some classes are still working on SATPIN 🤷‍♀️

No reception child I knew read more than SATPIN at this stage in the year. Certainly not the younger ones. Very odd.

My son is 5 and is behind with reading and writing. Both his dad and grandad are dyslexic so could well be as well. The educational psychologist at school is doing a dyslexic test in the next couple of weeks. My son also struggles with concentration and behaviour and seems to be going down the adhd pathway.

I’m not suggesting your son has either dyslexia or adhd but if the school offer intervention take it as it’s been so helpful for my boy and he’s doing so much better. It’s hard when other children are further ahead and I’m hoping with help my son will be ok.

Four is too young to start ‘serious’ school, especially for boys who are biologically hardwired to run climb and build a lot at that age. It isn’t his fault (or yours) that he’s being given work too hard for him. They’re hard years in many ways which is why almost every country in the world starts formal schooling at age 6-7.

Experienced teachers tell me that ALL boys struggle with writing in reception and year one, but they’re compared to girls who have way better fine motor skills at that age and boys are usually told they’re “behind” when they are just normal boys. He’ll catch up around age 7.

Aggression towards playmates is more concerning, talk to him about his feelings etc but he may not understand why he does the things he does. It still is not unusual. It sounds to me like he is bored and frustrated and has a teacher/school that is pushing him too hard, that would make me kick things over too! Different schools have very different expectations. If he stays unhappy may check out other local options.