Help me to help my ds

[bobbinogsnib]

He is only 4 1/2 and most mornings i leave him crying at the classroom door

He is a lovely little boy who is very attached to his mummy (told previously by a nursery teacher), and loves school once he's there but the separating is very hard. He is only doing part-time at the moment and is doing 3 full days and 2 half days, so i know that he is a bit tired, he has got a bad cough which i have kept him off school for, but he also said that he missed school.

The problem seems to be that he gets himself worked up before we get to school and i don't know how to help him. He will tell me whilst we are getting ready that he will 'really miss me' whilst he is at school. His eyes start to well up and then he just looks plain miserable. I cheer him up and then off we go, where it is repeated at the classroom door before he goes in with tears running down his face How do i help him - and me 'cos it is breaking my heart to have to leave him.

could the teacher give him a special task to do first thing?

I read this elsewhere, but can you give him a kiss in the palm of his hand, tell him to put it in his pocket and he can get it out if he feels sad and "kiss" himself on his cheek with it?

Could you cut back on his time a little - change one of the full days to a half day or drop one of the half days?

What does the school say?

This term's always the hardest, they get so tired. My dd was always upset by the different routine at this time of year - doing practices for the school nativity etc.

it sometimes helps to either be the first in and get the teacher or TA to take him over as soon as he gets in - or get in late when things have already got going and it gives him something to jump straight in to.

My DS1 did this too - and it was hard - but he did get used to being left and was fine (usually by a couple of minutes after I left - I watched unseen through the window a few times).

Oh bless. My ds was just the same when in Reception. I thought he would never, ever go to school in the morning without getting upset and I thought I would never leave the school grounds without tears in my eyes.

My advice is to just let him experience these feelings with your full support. I personally wouldn't use start charts or the promise of rewards for not crying. I'd also steer away from trying to distract him from his feelings. I think in this situation those techniques just sends the message to the child that it's not OK to be upset and you have to try really hard not to show your feelings in case you upset other people etc.

I would keep giving him reassurance him that it's OK to feel the way he does, that you love him and that you will be waiting for him at home time to give him a big hug. Also, try talking to him about it, when he's in a relaxed and happy moment ask him how he's feeling in the morning and see if he can think his way through it. Does he have any suggestions that might make him feel better about it? I tried this with my ds and it turned out his big worry was that I would be late collecting him at home time. It also helped him to know where I would be during the day, so I would just let him know - even though sometimes I made it up

Eventually ds stopped crying in the mornings. I think it also has a lot to do with settling in to a new situation. It takes a while for some kids to feel settled and confident in school but eventually it happens. My ds is now in Year 1 and never a tear has been shed since his first day. He also doesn't give a damn what I do during the day anymore but still likes me to be waiting for him at home time.

This stage will pass eventually, I promise!

awayinamunker - what a lovely idea

Thank you for all your lovely messages

We will try the ideas suggested here and see how it goes. The school are very good about it, and do help him with little tasks.

He just gets me with him waving bye bye mummy at the door with tears running down his little face trying to be brave

I suppose that i feel a bit bad because most of his class (two thirds) is boys and the majority are boisterous boys, and mine is a sensitive little soul who hates noise rule breaking

Hopefully it will all work out okay.

Ooops, sorry that should read 'noise and rule breaking'

I think sometimes with separation anxiety the child also has worries about how mummy is going to cope - maybe some reassurance that you are fine, tell him what you will be doing in the day, that you think about him but that you don't get sad and that you have every confidence in him and how he will cope because he's such a fab little boy.

bob..can I just reassure you with a little story,.,,I'm actually a photographer and a couple of weeks ago I was shooting some children in a school for a development book. I was in reception for 2 mornings and both mornings there was a little girl who was sobbing her heart out with her (very upset) mum...it was so painful to watch...anyway,,,it didn't take long for girl to recover but got such a surprise when I went to fnd her at break because she was actually the leader of her little gang,..and held court beautifully (read bossily )with anyone who wanted to listen. Don't worry,..your ds will get over this soon.

I used to put little post-it notes with kisses and smiley faces, sometimes MUM and DS, in ds1's pockets. He knew that if he felt upset or worried he could look in his pocket and find some reassurance. He liked that and said that it helped a lot.

My ds was like this too. I think the winter tem is a long and hard one for reception children, particularly the younger ones.

I wonder if it is worth trying to break the pattern by taking him through the main entrance and round to his classroom that way - it would be quietr and you could perhaps arrange to hand him over to a kind TA? Some children find seperating pus the general melee of the class door just too much.

I used to give my ds a lipstick kiss on his arm under his sweatshirt!