School report - told he was a perfectionist and it's holding him back

[Fififtp]

Hi,
I've just had my sons first p1 report. She said it can be difficult in class cause he doesn't want to make mistakes, so if he thinks something too hard hell point blank refuse to do it. This is him to a tee in the house, but as I had no feedback from nursery regarding this, I thought it was just with us. She said if he makes a mistake he wants to start again etc
As I now know this is happening, I need to learn how to teach him you are going to get stuff wrong before you get it 100% right, but when he gets so upset I don't know how I'm going to get round it.

Im looking for anyone who's been in a similar position to give some tips on how to deal with it.
Thanks

Are you sure it's fear of failure or do you think he might be unable to start something because he can't decide between many options & ideas of how to start?

I was always the latter far, far more than the former until, as an adult, I learnt to let go and accept "good enough". I call myself a recovering perfectionist.
Also I have ADHD - not that anyone realised it when I was a kid - so executive dysfunction (can't start/can't stop at will) is a huge issue for me.
I'm not saying he has ADHD but executive dysfunction is a massive red flag (and so is hyperfocus, which can manifest as wanting to correct tiny mistake obsessively) so maybe worth checking if there are other tell-tale signs.

I do think some of it is intrinsic personality preferences. I have one who goes the other way (ideas brimming out of her, would rather do 10 crap pictures than 1 good one etc) which can be equally frustrating. She has two friends that are very perfectionist and it is quite interesting to see the differences. They actually seem to work really well together (unless they’re doing a joint piece of work and it’s a bit of a disaster) as my daughter encourages her friends to have a go at things and she sees the difference between the end product when they’ve been more careful. Is there someone with a different personality type he could work with at school?

Find ways to build a growth mindset.

ds was like this - was chosen to make a poster when he was about 5 and he froze. all the other kids managed something but he couldn't start for fear of making a mistake. broke my heart.

it is something we've tried to overcome by commenting on effort rather than achievement over the years. Also went through a period of descriptive phase ("I can see you are trying really hard even though this is hard for you") which was exhausting!

to be honest i think time has been the major factor in resolving it. he has found a few things he naturally excels in and has gradually become quite a relaxed young man.

don't panic - it will be ok x