herts schools for HFA /DME children- the prep and state divide

[Annon1985]

Hello,
Am looking for some advice..
My son is going through the process of diagnosis for autism ( high functioning / asperges) as well as having a high IQ - so is technically classed as being DME ( dual or multiple exceptionalities)

He is in year 5 in a state school that are not catering for his social anxieties or helping him make progess - nor making reasonable adjustments for him in class or at break at lunch ( he has had panic attacks about going to school and the play times that cause him so much distress)
We have also been to two private schools for assessments and tours - neither of which have been successful because of his social shyness and unwillingness to participate in new things in a new school under pressure
He is so unhappy in his current school, and thanks to the amazing potential plus company that did his assessments - I can understand his complexities a little more - hence why I am looking down the private route - yet the ones ive come into contact with don't seem too accommodating of children with any additional needs or barriers to learning -
I am looking for some advice on any local prep schools that have great sen teams working with high functioning children - its a minefield out there so welcome any advice,

Have you looked at Egerton Rothesay in Berkhamsted? The website is poor but I would encourage you to find out more I.e. don’t be put off!!!

St Christopher School in Letchworth might also be worth a look. I know a child with HFA doing very well there. Ironically, what drew them there in the first place was not having to wear a uniform (child has massive sensory issues).

The problem you will face is that private schools can pick and choose who they take on, unlike state schools. It’s not right, but ask yourself why should they take on your son when he can’t perform in assessments when plenty of other children can. They are businesses (arguably charities…..) and are rated on results. It can just be too “risky” to take on children with SEN.

Private schools pride themselves on having a huge array of extracurricular activities that children can join in. You’ll see them playing sports, all sorts of music, drama, art, trips (including residential) etc. but you say your son is unwilling to participate.

There’s also the subject of money. Who pays for the extra support your child needs navigating break times etc and where does that staff member come from?

So, your sons needs may well be too far away from what many private schools can actually offer him. That’s why I would encourage you to think a little more widely and have a look at the two I suggested. ER in particular would offer him everything he needs. You’ll see fees are very expensive but a lot of children there have their places funded by the LEA when it is named on the EHCP.

I do feel your pain though. A family member has SEN and finding the right place for them has felt like a battle that had taken years to get them in the right place for them.

Have you considered somewhere like Duncombe? However they are not through to year 8 (only year 6) so would only be a stop-gap measure for 18 months.

To be honest most traditional preps that go through to year 8 aim for entry to big public schools where being willing to try new things under pressure and being social are two key character attributes that they seek out - i.e. the opposite of your son and probably not a good environment for him. So you would probably be better with non-traditional preps/independent primaries.

Would you consider an all-through school or are you definitely looking for a standalone prep? Would you consider a more specialist school like Egerton Rothsay?

For a through-to-year-8 mainstream prep, maybe Kingshott?

Twice exceptional children can be very difficult to place correctly - often settings with the appropriate social measures do not offer sufficient academic challenges, and vice versa!

thank you both so much for your responses, means a great deal.
The tricky thing with my son is when he feels at ease and comfortable he can be super confident and participate willingly, it is just the assessment days that he struggles with as obviously the children are effectively tested on everything they do - participation included, he just takes a while to warm up, and yes totally agree re the problem that comes with DME children, as hes getting older the disparity between his capabilities and what he is actually doing in school is becoming greater as they arent able to offer the challenge or the social support that he needs sometimes, I will look at the schools youve suggested, many thanks indeed for taking the time to reply so informatively it means a great deal