4 year old nervous wreck about school

[Throughthedragonseye]

My 4.2 year old daughter has developed real anxiety about school. She didn't go to nursery due to covid so she's not had any experience similar to school before this. Frets about it all morning and gets a tummy ache and has a nervous poo in the morning when its nearly time to go and all the way to school says "Im scared, I want to stay at home, I don't want to go to school" and cries and squeezes me in the school playground while waiting to go in and as the teacher takes her in. It's heartbreaking. Once she's inside she is fine as I've seen photos of her smiling and laughing! Apart from a few wobbles through the day which I'm presuming is down to tiredness. I'm positive and supportive and try and reassure her that its normal to feel that way and that she enjoys it when she's in. It's every morning and it's mentally exhausting for both of us to go through the same thing every day. I just wondered if anyone else has been through this and if there's any advice or just someone else to share their experiences to make me feel like I'm not the only one with an intensely worried little human, never seen her like this before and I wasn't even aware that children this young could get that anxious about things. Hope it doesn't last long

What time are you up and how long before school? Can you shorten it. Less time to worry?

My son was the same - there was another girl who was also the same

I took a no nonsense approach - made him ‘late’ going into the playground for a swift handover to the teacher.

No messing no long goodbyes or promises etc

The other mum dithered and coaxed etc made promises and long cuddles and goodbyes etc and made the whole things worse.

Just be practical and don’t over think it. It won’t happen when they are 15! And they won’t remember - just dump and run .

Are you in England? If she's not 5 until summer, she doesn't need to go to school now. Is is an option for her to stay at home? Or at least for a couple of days a week.
What does the teacher say?

I'm sure it happens to some children every year, but we don't see it with older child normally. So it's worrying, but I assume it will resolve soon or later. Be positive about school an don't worry too much.
Once she settles in, and find friends, it may get better.
If she looks happy once in school, then she will be fine. I think the parent's worry do affect children too, so talk about fun thing that happens at school and don't show your worry.

My DS was the same, he started crying going to nursery and carried on when he started school. He was a very outgoing child who made friends easily, but we never knew what set him off. He wanted to go, but wanted me there with him. He always got up and dressed, but started crying near the entrance. It became better when he started getting invited to friends houses and having them come to our house.