I need some help and advice for helping my reception aged son

[AlwaysTheMummy]

My son just turned 4 in June and he has been going to reception since September full days, last year he was at nursery for 2 1/2 hours every day so he knows what being at school is all about.

The problem we are having is that he has got a new teacher and while we have no problems with the teacher, he is very nice, warm and always welcoming, it seems as though my son isn't settling in as much as we have been led to believe, his previous teacher never told us of any problems he was having.

In the past week, his new teacher has taken me aside and said that although it's not a big problem yet, it's something that has to be addressed and my son is finding things a bit difficult, he can be quite disruptive and doesn't do as he is told, he wont listen to the teaching assistant and will just do what he wants to do, he doesn't want to share, or take turns and can't play nicely (he gets a bit rough). Of course, with this being the first I've heard and him being my first child, I got home and burst into tears, but now that I've got my head around it, I know that there is a lot of pressure put on children at such a young age and he is one of the youngest in a class where a lot of the children have already turned 5, but it is very disheartening and I just want some help and advice from anyone (parents and teachers) in what I can do with my son to help him with his social skills, I'm currently making the effort to have his friends over to play and we are all playing games where we have to take turns and he will not always win.

I guess I need a little assurance aswell that it's just a phase and with a little help he will grow and flourish, I don't want his school years frought with constantly being told by his teachers all about his faults.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I'm grateful for any insight you have to offer.

ATM xx

It sounds like you're doing what you can to foster his currently limited skills in sharing etc. He's only little and it is a big thing to be amongst so many children for such a long time with limited adult attention. Keep playing the games and helping him forge friendships and I'm sure he'll come out of it. Perhaps it's not such a problem and his old teacher just thought it was normal so didn't mention it. Perhaps the new teacher is less aware of the range of normal responses to starting school.

A friend of mine whose son is in my son's reception class is having very similar feedback from the teacher. He is also a summer baby. She was told that he ignores requests (I have noticed he has fantastic selective hearing!) and that he is very clumsy around other children. It does not help in this case that he is big and when he is clumsy it tends to hurt. While helping out in the classroom I noticed that he tends to be on his own a lot and bumbles about doing his own thing. However, this does not seem to bother him!

She was really upset about the comments - mainly because she knew all this about him but fails to see how it can be changed easily. I just think it is part of being a very young child in a formal setting. He is just not ready to act like most of the others but it will come. Turn-taking and learning to lose well is a hard skill to master! Sounds like you are doing all the right things to me.

I hope it helps a tiny bit to know your son is not the only one!

Most boys go thru at least one very boisterous spell in KS1 years, usually in Reception. You may have just been lucky it didn't happen b4. With DS1 it all came in Yr1, and most parents respond by pulling their hair out so don't feel like it's somehow just you and him.

All you can do is try to help them learn to control their impulsive side, you're right that he's awfully young to be doing such structured learning.

Thank you for all your kind words, I know it will take time for him to come round to the whole 'School Business', it's just nice to hear that other little boys have been that way and come through it fine and are now doing well at school.

I see a completely different side to my son to the one I am told goes to school everyday, the teacher says he finds it hard to interact with the other children and when it's tidy up time he wont participate, but when he is with me he loves to play with other children - he is fantastic with the younger ones and will help them get around - and as for helping, he's the one that tells me when the washing machine is finished and will help gather all the toys to put in the basket.

I admit I am a very over-emotional person and could be looking into things too much, it could be that the teacher probably doesn't see it as that much of a problem but as something to nip in the bud maybe

ATM xx

Exactly, ATM, it's 'nip in the bud' time not "you're child is displaying early indications of the ASBO he'll get in 8 years." You just need to start working with him now. Find out what incentives there are at school for him to behave well (rewards, or privileges that might be withdrawn), and remind him of all that at home. Improvement may come slow, that's common, too. When he comes out at the end of the day ask him if he got in trouble, and if he says "No" make a big happy fuss about it. Don't forget that if problems happen in school time the school has to solve it, all you can do is back them up.

...and if he says 'yes' he did have a problem in school that day, then listen to his side and talk together both of you coming with ideas about what he could have done different to minimise the trouble.

If he is only young and has been full time pretty much all term it is quite likely that he is absolutely shattered by this stage in the term.

My two (5 and 6) are really tired and it is coming out in their behaviour, they are less willing to co-operate, fly off the handle or into tears much more quickly etc Thankfully the teachers are really understanding - the Yr1 teacher said this morning "if I get 10 mins concentration out of them I am happy"

I would seriously consider giving him a break for a bit, maybe dropping a Friday to give him a rest, or making him mornings only for the rest of term.

I am sure with the right encouragement from you and especially the teacher next term he will get on really well particulalry as he gets older. It must be tricky for him if a lot of the children are much older - my dd is a June birthday and she would actually benefit from being in the year below and being the oldest, not youngest